


LIFE TO THE FULL

by Markab



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-11-02 01:56:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 44,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20582813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Markab/pseuds/Markab
Summary: Justin Taylor is now trying to carve out career as an artist in New York. But when the age gap between him and his boyfriend Brian becomes more of an issue, tragedy strikes...





	1. The Night Is Still Young

1/20

MAY 2006

"Oh fucking hell! This is the 5th time this month"

Justin Taylor cautiously pushed the door inward to his room on the 6th floor to his building. The medium sized room was not completely ramsacked, but it had been clear, by the open drawers, the messed up closets and shear clutter all over the floor that somebody had had a good rout around for anything valuable to steal.

The girl with him pulled a hand through her curly hair and looked about the clutter and back to Justin who started to hang some shirts back into the closet.

"Why not find someplace else?"

"I would if I could Lisa...but you know how it is, I can't afford it with the money I make working at that bar...I think I might be living on tips alone if it wasn't for my salary going on the rent"

Lisa laughed as she helped him clear up, "Yeah...but you must get alot of those...with that smile in all"

Justin laughed and closed up the closet, "You still working on that piece for the gallery?"

Lisa shook her head as she sat on Justin's bed, "No...free night...and it's a Friday", she sang with a twinkle in her eye.

Justin found her zest for the clubs infectious. It was like a candy-store for her, a forbidden one where you couldn't eat or touch anything. The men were hot...but not hot for was also his only true friend in New York. She was an artist too but was doing abit better than him.

Justin quickly changed his T-Shirt and said, "I guess we can throw a burger down our necks and then head off to ZZens"

Lisa jumped to her feet, "Ohhh the new place...sounds great..."

Justin grabbed her hand and thery were on their way down the fire escape, "Okay...but you don't go all weird on me when you and stare at all the lights"

Lisa chuckled as she tried to keep up with him, "It's inspiration for next piece...a rainbow of color"

They reached the sidewalk at the base of the stairwell and he looked at her, "Hey are you sure Jamie doesn't mind you coming out with me on a Friday night AGAIN..."

Justin flagged down a cab, "Jamie is studying...Jamie has his nose in a book ALL the time...Jamie is..."

"...Boring?", asked Justin with a hint of cheeky grin.

Lisa laughed out loud as a cab pulled up and they jumped in the back.

QAF

ZZens nightclub maybe new in town, but it didn't disappoint. It rocked. The music, the atmosphere, the guys, the lights, the go-go dancers in their jockstraps and the gantries on three levels with guys, guys and yet more guys.

Lisa's eyes, as usual, were on stalks. But she so loved the electric atmosphere of a gay nightclub, it makes straights one's appear grey and dull.

Justin had his backside pinched more than once as he skipped across the busy dancing area from the back bar. Two beers were in his tight grasp.

His teeth blinded her as he smiled and handed her one of the bottles.

"I'm so drunk!", she laughed and hiccuped.

Justin took a long swig of his beer and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, "You and me both, honey"

Lisa marvelled around her, "this place maybe new...but it must be THE BEST place to be around the Village"

"I second that", Justin yelled over the music. A woft of poppers hit his face.

"He's HOT!", Lisa pointed to a twentysomething guy leaning over the first gantry in a tight leather vest.

Justin pulled a face at the way the guy slicked back his hair, that hid a scar on his cheek, "he's so not"

Lisa shrugged at him, "I think he is...he looks...what's the word?"

"dangerous?"

Lisa laughed, "Compared to my Jamie I guess so...O.M.G the excitement, I can't cope!"

Justin turned and closed his eyes moving to the beat, "If you like him, go get him...he might even be Bi"

"I've gotta guy!"

Justin smiled, "So do I"

"Mines not hundreds of miles away..."

Justin opened his eyes, "No he's not...but I bet you wish he was..."

His eyes fell on the guy that had just came to the forthfront of the dancing. Young, hair slightly slicked back, but not as bad as the scar guy earlier. Justin was instantly drawn to the bulge in the tight skinny jeans. And those pecs in that T-Shirt.

Lisa landed her hand on his shoulder, "So...looks like YOU have pulled"

Justin shook his head, "I'm not interested"

"HE IS!"

The guy held Justin's gaze until Justin broke it and turned to look at Lisa, "I think we should go"

Lisa glanced at her watch, "But it's not even 1 am"

Justin yawned, "I'm tired...I feel like I just want to lay my head down"

Lisa downed her beer, "Great...wasn't you tired LAST week too?"

Justin swallowed and shook his head, "It's nothing for sure"

She grabbed his hand, "Come on...and there I was saying earlier that Jamie was MR. Boring"

Both were feeling all sweaty. Justin shot a final glance at the guy who smiled at him and danced back with his group, he then followed Lisa to the exit and into the cool night air outside.

QAF

The cab dropped off Justin in the East Village. Lisa waved, "I'll call you tomorrow"

Justin waved back as the yellow cab pulled away into the traffic. He turned and looked up to his building across the street, a siren whined in the distance.

He crossed the street and walked up the fire escape steps two at a time.

When he got in, he had a message on his land-line voicemail. He pressed play as he sat down and tore off his sweaty T-Shirt.

"This is a message for Justin Taylor...could you please call the Hanston gallery on 45th our number is 555 33 6052 and ask for Terrence Lee...I think I have a buyer for you..."

Justin was open mouthed and beaming a smile.

QAF

Justin was bouncing his way up the street with Lisa in tow, "I can't believe they agreed to display it, let alone you getting a buyer for it"

"Isn't it great?"

Lisa laughed and hugged him in mid walk, "You deserve it...I must say on a critical note, that piece is not your best, but hey...it's a start"

Justin straightened his shirt, "Do I look okay?"

"You look like you always do...arty"

"I don't want to be arty, I want to be the creator of a masterpiece"

"Then arty it is", she laughed.

He grabbed her arms, "Hey we should go celebrate...It's saturday...Xanders has a drag night"

"I LOVE drag"

"I know...will Jamie let you come out?"

Lisa sucked in her cheeks, "Ohhhh I don't know...I might be pushing it"

"While I'm in there negotiating an amazing price for my work...you go call him and ask...no just TELL him!"

She laughed as he skipped up the steps of the gallery as she put her cell phone to her ear.

QAF

The music at Xanders nightclub was loud. Justin's tight T-shirt cut into him as he moved to the beat. He had sold a painting. It was his first and he felt proud of himself, like all these months in New York were at last worth it, as he worked in his little studio.

He worked up a thirst and went to the bar as the beat changed. Lisa was there talking to that guy. The dancing guy from the night before.

She pointed towards him as he approached, "Justin...this is Callum from last night"

Justin met his eyes, "Hi"

Callum broke into the widest of grins, "Way-hey, Hiya Blondie...buy you a beer?"

Justin nodded, "Nah, I can buy my own"

Lisa sucked her pink cocktail, "he's just got me a cocksucking cowboy"

Justin raised his eyebrows, "sounds interesting!"

"So'ha...I was gonna come over and chat you up last night...but...you looked kinda in a hurry"

"Yeah?"

Lisa turned, "Callum works out...he's just told me about this gym he's joined in east Village...I can't believe what goes on in there!"

Callum winked at him.

Justin blew out a laugh, "I can imagine"

The bartender served him his drink. Callum rested a hand over Justin's shoulder and leaned in, "Your friend tells me you're an artist"

Justin shook his head.

"Do you do nudes?"

Justin met his eyes...you could lose yourself in them, "It's not my style"

"Do you wanna do me?"

Lisa suddenly felt like a gooseberry, "Crikey guys look at the time! Jamie is gonna so kill me if I'm not back by 11...we've got Sunday lunch at his Moms"

Justin turned to her as the lights strobed their faces, "You gonna go NOW?"

Lisa smiled, "sure I am...You've done really well today...you should stay and celebrate some more...I'll call you"

She kissed him on the cheek and she was off into the dancing crowd fighting her way to the exit. Callum leaned on the bar, "So...just YOU and ME"

Justin relaxed, "look if you wanna go fuck we can fuck"

Callum laughed, "crikey, you're kinda forward"

"It's why you here, isn't it?"

Callum leaned in and was close to his face, "I was hoping for kinda MORE than that"

Justin shrugged, "suit yourself...but it's just a fuck up for grabs...I don't DO boyfriends"

Callum nodded and grinned, "Ohhh right...so you've got someone back home..."

Justin nodded as he looked to the dancing, "Yeah...we've got these kinda rules...I won't break them...nor will he"

Callum suddenly stroked Justin's cheek, "Rules are meant to be broken"

Justin was held by his gaze as he leaned in for a kiss...Justin pulled away and shook his head, "Look if you wanna fuck we fuck...anything else is not on offer"

Callum looked cheekily disappointed and leaned on the bar with his bottle of beer, "I can wait...I love to play the long game anyway"

Justin ran a hand through his blond hair and thumbed into the direction of the crowd, "I'm off to dance...coming?"

"I'll give it a month"

"For what?"

"before I kiss you"

And with that Callum downed his beer in one gulp and was off. Justin watched him go and turned to look away. Damn that guy was hot.

QAF

Justin walked out into the cool night air. The club was getting further away when his cell phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket and beamed a smile at the caller display.

Mr Kinney calling...

He put the phone to his ear and spoke, "Hi...I was just heading home"

"You been out and getting laid you dirty little shit", Brian said with wit in his tone.

"Yeah, I've been out celebrating"

"Celebrating? For what?"

There was excitment in his tone, "I've only gone and sold a painting...I mean it wasn't my best but somebody wants it on their wall"

"Good for you! Did you get what you wanted for it?"

Justin sighed as he strolled up the street, "Not bad...there wasn't as many zeros as I thought but hey, it's a start"

"and so you've been out and getting a celebratial fuck"

Justin laughed, "there was somebody...but he didn't want to play to the rules so I walked"

"Glad to hear you still playing by them"

Justin changed the subject, "Brian are you still coming up? Next weekend?"

There was a pause.

"Brian...?"

"Can't make it sunshine...I've gotta work...a really important client"

"Work huh?"

"Yeah...why? Do you honestly think I'm just using it as an excuse to go out and fuck"

"Well are you?"

"No...I've gotta work..."

Justin was now very disappointed, "Yeah whatever"

"I'm sorry"

"As I said...whatever..."

His cab pulled up.

"I've gotta go..."

"Justin stop being a little brat...you know how I feel"

"Yeah I do... NOTHING", Justin hung up and jumped in the cab.

"Where too?" asked the cabbie turning in his seat.

Justin looked at the display on his cell. He felt so gutted that Brian wasn't gonna show up at the weekend. Twice he had done it.

Well FUCK HIM.

"Hmmmm...I've changed my mind...the night is still too young to go home..."

And he jumped out and hurried off back towards the nightclub.


	2. Do You Think One Day You'll Be Famous

2/20

MAY 2006

At the gallery, Justin Taylor was waiting for the art curator to come out with his check. He dug his hands into his jeans pockets, and stared and admired various other art pieces on the wall.

Then, somebody was standing behind him and spoke.

"I heard you are good..."

Justin turned and saw Callum standing there with a stupid grin on his face, "Yeah...so I'm told"

Callum looked about the gallery, "Do you think one day you will famous?"

Justin laughed, "Yeah...like so many an artist...when i'm dead"

Callum nodded and looked at him carefully watching his reactions, "When I was talking to your friend the other night...and SHE told me you were gonna be here by the way...she said that you used to do art-work for a comic book"

Justin's grin widened, "Yeah...but we all need to grow up...I'm focusing on the more serious now"

Callum shook his head and both of them looked about them and not at eachother until Callum turned around and faced him head on, "Do you want to come out with me?"

Justin tried not to look at him as he pulled on his shirtsleeves, "Where too?"

"Anywhere of your choosing..."

Before Justin could answer, the curator came down the polished steps and was heading right towards him with a piece of paper in his grasp.

"Here we go Mr Taylor...payment as promised...LESS the fee of having it displayed here might I add..."

Justin took the check and scrutinized it, "how much!"

"The piece was up for several weeks"

Justin tried to look grateful for the peanuts amount he received, "That's just well...great...thank you"

The curator could detect a little bit of sarcasim in the boy's tone of voice, "Yeas, well...you know where to come if you've got something else..."

Callum watched the curator go and turned back to Justin, "the check sucks huh?"

Justin shook his head and was already heading towards the exit, "I could earn more on a months tips at the bar, believe me"

Callum followed him out the doors, and once they were outside in the brilliant New york sunshine, he said, "Look...you still could celebrate...you made a sell? Or...you can come out and use it as an excuse to commiserate"

Callum was now sporting a cool pair of sunshades.

Justin looked at him and folded the check in his back pocket, "why not...meet you at Zzens around 9"

"It's a date"

Justin shook his head and walked down the steps to the street as Callum deliberately admired his tight little ass.

QAF

Justin made it to the club on time. Callum was already there and waiting up at the bar. A bottle of beer was waiting.

"love the vest, blondie", said Callum.

Justin shrugged, "You know how it is, I just threw this on"

The music was loud and upbeat. Callum was already working up a sweat and raffled Justin's hair, "Your hair is so enticingly touchable"

Justin shook his head.

They both stood at the bar watching the club revel in the mood, "So... you're are with someone?"

Justin was quick, "yeah, I'm standing here with you"

Callum shook his head, "You know what I mean"

Justin didn't look at him as he spoke, "Yeah...he's back home in Pittsburgh"

Callum moved closer to him, Justin could smell his aftershave...he smells like Brian.

"That's good"

Justin frowned at him, "for who?"

Callum broke into a pleasing smile, "For me..."

Justin was trapped in the gaze, but he shook his head, "You know how it is...I told you...one fuck and that's it"

Callum shrugged at him, and then dug down deep into the pocket of his tight leather trousers and pulled out a couple of white looking tablets.

"You tried speed?"

Justin saw the tablets in the palm of Callum's hand, "Not that..."

Callum laughed at him, "You really need to loosen up"

Justin was adament, "I just stick with the beers thanks...and anyway I can't make it too late, I'm kinda tired"

Callum took the advantage, "all the more for you to take this...it'll give you a real booster...and a nice buzz"

Brian's voice was in his head, if you're ever offered drugs make sure they're fucking safe to take...

"Are they safe?"

Callum popped one his mouth. Justin took the other one from his palm and then put it into his mouth...and swallowed.

QAF

Justin had the headache from hell. He lifted his head from the pillow not really remembering much from the night before.

Did he fuck on a subway train?

Justin knew he had been fucked because he could feel it. He grabbed his towel and grabbed a hot shower.

The running water over him made him feel a whole lot better. He held his face up to the stream of water and then lathered up and cleaned himself over.

He dropped the soap. He reached down, but he couldn't get grip of it. He managed to grab hold, but it feel from his grasp.

Fuck.

He looked at his hand and balled his fingers into a tight fist, he then splayed his fingers outward and then reached for the soap with his other hand.

QAF

Central Park was hot, hot, hot and that was just the guys. Justin strolled beside Lisa sporting a pair of dark sunshades to see off his hangover.

"and you took them?"

Justin was on the defensive, "Yeah...I was tired and he said that it'll give me a boost and it did...I danced all night"

"And then?"

Justin tried to think.

Their was a flash of an image in his mind of him in a subway car and Callum's hot breathe landing on the back of his neck.

"I think we fucked"

Lisa's eyes bolted, "you THINK?"

Justin walked ahead of her, "it's all a blur...with the drink and the drugs"

Lisa caught up with him, "I think Callum is a creep"

Justin swung around, "why do you? Why be so judgemental...just because he gave me speed, it doesn't make him a creep"

"I'm not talking about that, Justin, I talking about you and him fucking...you said it's all a blur...how do you know it was safe? How do you know if you said yes"

Justin paused, but skirted around it, "I wouldn't have said no"

"I still think he's a creep"

Justin was mad, "at least he's here! More than Brian makes the effort to...at least he's giving me some attention...Brian's always..."

"Working?"

Justin lifted his shades, "...yeah and the rest...oh I don't know...just lately I've been thinking differently"

Lisa sat on the grass and Justin knelt down.

"differently how?"

Justin shrugged, "maybe it's because he's..."

"always working?"

"...old"

He felt strangle for saying it. For always he and Brian would laugh and joke about their age gap...it was a good humored source of banter between them. But now, it just felt not funny to think about.

Lisa leaned up and gave an honest opinion, "What do you expect? He's 35, you are 23...you are just starting your career, he is already working his...you're here in New York...he's back home in Pittsburgh...you and him are at different stages in your life"

Justin overted his eyes away from her and looked towards the ice-cream seller.

"Want an ice-cream?"

Lisa had to smile as Justin leapt up to go buy them, knowing it was his not so subtle hint that the topic of conversation was over.

XXx


	3. Oh I'm Sure Callum Will Be Of Comfort

3/20

MAY 2006

It was getting dark as Justin climbed up the fire escape of his building and entered his room. Once inside he locked the door and turned to see a cigarette glow on the otherside of the room and the woft of smoke came his way.

"Fuck, who the hell..."

"If I could find the light switch, I would have prepared your carpet slippers"

Justin grinned at the voice. He rushed over and jumped into a hold with the imposter.

"Brian!"

Brian leaned in and met him for a kiss. Justin then pulled away and went scrambling into the gloomy corner where Brian could hear the rattle of coins, then there was the sound of a coin in a slot and the place was immediately illuminated.

Brian was standing there in a pair of jeans and a dark shirt. A holdal bag was beside him.

"It's good to see you!", cried Justin grinning again.

Brian tore away his gaze for him and looked about the room and turned around in a circle on the spot.

"Wow...what a fucking dump"

Justin was somewhat put out, "It's better than it looks"

Brian very much doubted that, "How's that exactly?"

Justin moved back to him and Brian put his arms around him, "How come you're here, I thought you were busy?"

Brian smiled as he stroked Justin's hair, "I did some re-scheduling so I could see you"

Justin felt bad. The last time they spoke he had hung up on him.

"Sorry I pissed you off"

Brian was too forgiving, "It's okay...I have a habit of breaking promises...I was a dick"

Justin leaned in and they kissed again. The kiss intensified and Brian lifted Justin off his feet and swung him around to the bed opposite and they crashed onto it lips locked.

Brian removed Justin's top and started to kiss his neck in a line toward his pierced nipple then bit it making the boy jolt in excitement.

The older guy removed his shirt and then pulled Justin into a french kiss. The bed springs jolted as Justin rolled over in a spin and Brian pinned his weight down onto him and licked the shell of Justin's ear.

"Fuck me...fuck me", the boy moaned.

Brian managed to pulled off his jeans and boxer-shorts and then fiddled about with a condom.

Once on, Brian entered Justin's tight ass and pounded him till the bed springs gave way completely and the bedstead was half on the floor. Justin turned around and Brian grabbed his legs and then thrusted him till the boy yelled in excitement. Justin opened his eyes and saw Brian breathing hard as he fucked him hard, his hair in his face beads of sweat rolling down his forehead.

Justin revelled on a high as Brian climaxed. The older man then crashed onto his back panting beside him, but Justin wasn't finished, he leapt up and jumped on him with his knees on either side of Brian's hips and licked his lip at him.

"Again..."

Brian swallowed, "Easy tiger let me get my breathe back"

Justin laughed, "I remember a time when you used to fuck me twice over"

Brian looked at him and put on a brave face, "I still could...but I have travelled all day to get here remember"

"On a two hour flight! That's a big deal"

Brian laughed it off and leaned up and kissed him, he then manouvered Justin to his side so the blonde was on his back and Brian looked down at him stroking his cheek, "Maybe later"

The older guy rolled back and closed his eyes. Justin looked down at him sadly and stroked Brian's back.

The next thing Brian knew was the sound of Justin clanging about with a saucepan. He opened one eye and watched the boy pad around naked and barefoot too and throu rumaging in closets.

"What are you up too?"

Justin sprang on a cheesy smile as he turned to look back at Brian resting his head on his elbow lighting a cigarette.

"I was trying to fix you something to eat...you must be hungrey...I've only got beans in"

Brian flashed a smile, "If you want me to blow wind at you in the wrong way, you go feed me"

Justin pulled a face and dumped the pan in the sink. He then looked at the bed, "Jesus the bed...the landlord is gonna freak!"

Brian shrugged that off with a wave of the hand, "I'll buy you a new one"

Justin came forward, "that's not the point..."

"Besides...", Brian said reaching for the ashtray on the bedside unit, "...you could've bought a whole new one yourself, if you had bothered to cash the fucking checks I sent you"

Justin shook his head, "I don't want to be a kept boy I told you that...besides I like to make it out on my own"

With his cigarette in his mouth, Brian rolled off the bed and pulled on his boxer shorts, he then reached for his jeans.

"Where are you going?"

Brian slid into his shirt, "I'm hungrey, and as how much I love your home cooking in the past, I'm not eating those stinking beans so lets eat out"

Justin was up for that, he couldn't remember how long ago he ate out other than in a burger place with Lisa sometimes.

"Sounds great"

Justin pulled on his underware and jeans and then reached for a shirt in the closet, he slid into it and tried to fasten up the buttons, his fingers didn't respond, he tried again putting his back to Brian who was facing the mirror running his hand through his hair.

Justin couldn't manage the buttons so he tore it off and pulled a T shirt.

"You going out like that?"

Justin looked down at himself, "Yeah...I look okay, don't I?"

Brian smiled and came over and lifted Justin's chin and kissed him, "You always look...fuckable"

"romantic",breathed Justin pulling out of the embrace, "lets go"

QAF

The nightclub was packed to the rafters with sexy guys. Brian could smell the stench of aftershave, sweat, guys, guys and more guys. Whatever city you were in, the clubs were always the same, familiar.

Justin was up at the bar waiting to get served. Brian leaned back on a railing looking down to the dancefloor that was heaving with sweaty studs. Someone approached him and stood beside him and spoke.

"So...you must be Brian"

Brian, somewhat puzzled by somebody knowing his name, turned around and looked at the guy in the leather vest up and down, "yeah...who the FUCK are you?"

The lad flashed a bright smile, "Callum...I'm a friend of Justins"

Brian nodded, "Oh...right..."

Callum leaned on the railing as they bothed watched Justin get served up at the bar, "he talks about YOU alot...infact, he never shuts up about you"

Brian looked smug with a flash of a grin, "I suppose he can't help it"

Callum detected the smuggness and turned his head, "but...there was something he did fail to mention"

Brian ignored this twat, "and what's that..."

Callum landed him a big blow, "...he didn't say you were OLD"

Brian faced him taking offense and pointed at his own chest, "I'm 35 for fuck sake!"

Callum nodded, "yeah...and he's 23...", he leaned in to Brian's ear, "...how much longer can you keep up with him?"

Brian was pissed by this guys attitude, "I can keep up with the best of them asshole"

Callum laughed in his face, "I fucked him the other night"

Brian wasn't going to let this jerk get to him, "So fucking what? We have an arrangement, if you are waiting for a repeat session, then you are wasting your time"

Callum saw that Justin was on his way back with two bottles of beer, "well, or...it will only be a matter of time"

Justin flashed a smile, "Hi Callum...didn't see you come in", he yelled over the music.

Callum winked at him, "See you soon blondie..."

If looks could kill, Callum was a dead man with Brian's glare. Justin rubbed Brian's shoulder, "So you met Callum"

Brian looked down at him and smiled, "Yeah...I met him"

"What do you think?"

"Bad attitude, over confident, vain, thinks too much of him self and thinks he is all that"

Justin laughed, "I wonder who that reminds me of"

Brian let his eyes fall on Justin for a few moments after that comment and then followed Justin's line of view towards Callum who was dancing with a young stud.

QAF

Brian slapped his hand up onto the tiled wall and had a pee in the urinal. He then zipped himself up and went to the sink to wash his hands when Callum was coming in through the door.

"So...Brian...How are you liking the New York scene?"

Brian shrugged with a not caring vibe, "It's all the same"

Callum dug further, "But bigger?...better?...sexier?...can't be much fun living in a back of beyond town like Pittsburgh, no wonder Justin fled"

Brian dried his hands with a paper towel and tossed it into the trash, "Pittsburgh is not exactly a dusty off the track nowhere you know"

Callum shrugged his shoulders, "Well...what do I know, eh? I've never left New York..."

"You should get out more"

Brian went to move to the exit when Callum said, "I meant what I said earlier...it's only gonna be a matter of time before I fuck him again"

Brian swallowed down and turned around, "What makes you so sure?"

Callum was smug, "because I'm 25...and that's what? Oh yeah...a WHOLE DECADE younger than you"

Brian stood back to let others through to the toilets, then came closer to Callum, so he was backup against the tiled wall. Brian was taller and looked down at him with dark eyes.

"You want to hit me don't you...well go on then...try explaining that to Justin"

Brian thought better of that and stood back. Callum went through and smirked as he exited the bathroom.

QAF

It was past 2am when they got back to Justin's place. Brian entered and watched Justin close and lock the door.

"Oh come on Brian...he was just goading you...and you have to admit..."

Brian lit up a cigarette and blow out the smoke, "admit what?"

"He is, in a way, like YOU...he's like a...", Justin stopped himself.

Brian knew exactly what was coming next, so he finished off, "...YOUNGER version of me?"

Justin's smile faded and he started to fath about with the jug, "You wanna coffee...that's if I have any"

Brian sat on the broken bed and watched him, "I saw you watch him dancing...you watched his every move...", he paused, "...you used to watch me in the same way"

Justin waved his hand at him, "I STILL watch you!"

Brian stubbed out his cigarette and shrugged it off, "Whatever"

He laid back and closed his eyes, "I'll skip the coffee if that's alright...I've got that early flight to catch in the...", he glanced at his watch, "...in 4 hours"

Justin looked down, and not in the physical sense. He approached the bed and perched on the edge, "I wish you didn't have to go so soon...it's been hardly any time at all"

Brian had his eyes closed but he laughed, "Oh I'm sure Callum will be of comfort"

Justin was unsettled, "Why are you saying that..."

"Because I can"

Justin shook his head and stared to the floorboards. Brian opened his eyes and looked at him, then he reached out his hand and pulled on his arm, "I'm sorry...come here"

Justin let himself rest his head on Brian's chest, "I'm being a dick...I'm just getting all grouchy because I have to leave you tomorrow..."

Justin listened to Brian's heartbeat, "are you sure that's all it is?"

Brian rolled his head and stared at the ceiling and after a lengthly pause, he muttered, "yes"

"I hate to think you won't be here this time tomorrow"

Brian stroked Justin's hair and kissed his head gently, "We just have to make the most of the time we have left..."

XXX


	4. Because you are hung up on that geriatric clubboy from good'ol Shitsburgh

4/20

MAY /JUNE 2006

Justin worked hard at the bar. He served a couple of guys who waved their bills at him. Justin leaned in to a guy who spoke real soft, "Beer...make it a draught"

Justin reached for a glass and went to the pump and just as it started to fill up with beer, the glass fell out of his hand and shattered all over the floor.

"Fuck!"

He reached down for a dustpan and brush to sweep up the splinters. The bar manager came over and had a right moan, "Ohhh not again Taylor! That is the fourth glass in as little as a couple of shifts..."

Justin stood up and looked apologetic, "I'm sorry..."

The manager looked at him, "If it wasn't for you having a cute little smile and a tight little ass, you'd be through with this job, you understand me?"

Justin shook his head and wiped the beer off his hands from mopping up onto his black vest that had the logo of the bar he worked in 'Glitters'

He went into the bathroom and and put is hand under hot water. His colleague, a young black guy, who worked with him turned as he had a pee, "You still dropping glasses?"

"Yep...Caswell is gonna fire for me for sure if I keep it up"

Lennox came beside him and gave him a once over of his backside as he went and washed his hands, "Not with that tight little ass...he sits at the end of the bar on a stool staring right at it"

Justin laughed, "He's got ZERO chance...can you imagine him all over you!"

Lennox stuck his fingers in his throat as if he wanted to throw up, "Jeez! Can you imagine it! He must be at least what 35...right old past it!", he laughed.

Justin looked straight ahead in the mirror, "not all 35 year olds are that creep looking"

The black guy headed to the door, "not for me man! In my opinion, they are just lustful 'has beens' trying to keep their dying youth...I have nothing against that, but when I'm 35...that's when I go for a 35...you get me...thank god I'm 20...better get back before Caswell fires me!"

Justin's smile faded as the door shut.

QAF

In a cafe in Manhatten the next day, Lisa came out with the two icecreams in her grasp.

Justin sat outside at a table in shorts, a vest and sunshades.

"So...the pink or the green?", Lisa asked.

Justin laughed and reached for the green, but the cone feel out of his hand and slopped all over Lisa's foot.

"Ohhh that's COLD!"

Justin was off the seat and was trying to scoop the ice-cream away fom her feet, "I am SO sorry! I just can't seen to grip anything anymore..."

Lisa looked at him, "What? STILL? Didn't you say a few days back that you were gonna go see a doctor about it?"

They sat as a waitress took over the clearing up and shared the pink ice-cream.

"I know what it is...it happened after I got bashed...I just need to exercise it abit more"

Lisa licked some ice off her finger, "If that's it...one thing I will tell you is...you look tired, but I suppose we can put that down to as too many late nights!", she laughed.

"I haven't slept properly since Brian left...he texted me to say he might try to see me in a few weeks"

Lisa sat back and lifted her sunshades to the top of her head, "Did you and him talk? Did you tell him the way you feel...differently...like you told me"

Justin shrugged, "there was no time to talk...not deep and meaningfuls anyway..."

Lisa sighed, "well...it's up to you...but honesty is ALWAYS the best policy...anyway, we better get a move on, we need to be at the gallery"

QAF

"I had a brain injury about 5 years ago, I was bashed by a baseball bat...I think my weakness in my hands come back"

Justin sat in the clinicans office at the medical center. Lisa sat outside behind the glass.

The MD, an older man in his 50s with greying hair looked at him from where he sat in his comfy chair.

"Is the feeling the same?"

Justin shook his head, "To be honest...no"

"How is it different? How is it not the same?"

Justin shrugged trying to explain the best he could, "At times I seem to have no control...no feeling in my hand or fingers...it was slight at first, but lately it's happening all the time"

"Just your hand?"

Justin nodded, "Haha"

"The same hand that was effected after your injury?"

"Haha, yes"

The doctor considered him, "Do you take drugs?"

Justin was honest, "I have but...could that be it?"

The doctor shook his head, "I wouldn't have thought...okay, have you experienced any other symptons...anything at all?"

Justin laughed, "Yeah...I feel tired"

"Tired when?"

"Tired all the time...but I have a lot of work to get through...I have been pushing myself", Justin explained.

The doctor stood and went to his cabinet, "Justin, what I am going to do is some blood tests...", Justin looked abit off color at that, "...don't worry...", the doctor reasured, "...just routine"

The needle went into Justin's arm and his blood was taken.

"I also want you to have a CT scan...",told the doctor as he sealed the blood tube.

Justin raised his arm holding the cotton wool on to the needle site, "Is that really necessary?"

"Just precautionary..."

QAF

Justin lead the way down to the subway, "A CT scan?", asked Lisa.

"Yeah...on Friday...Friday of ALL days...talk about a bummer"

Lisa leaned on the wall, "Well...if they say you need one, you better go"

Justin slid down the wall and sat on the platform, "I thought I was over all this...Neurology sucks...it just brings back bad memories of when I was bashed"

Lisa slid down beside him, "Well...I'll be there for you"

Justin laughed, "there's no need...it's all routine I'm sure", and they both stood as the subway train screached into the station.

QAF

Later, Justin worked at the bar. He wiped the bar down and looked up to see Callum standing there with another guy in tow, a young guy with short spiky hair and a slender figure.

"Hi Justin...this is Marc"

Justin flashed a smile at them both, "the usual yeah?"

Callum nodded, "Yeah...two bottles"

Marc excused himself and went to the bathroom as Justin placed the two bottles of bud on the bar top, "He seems a nice guy"

Callum gave a seductive look, "He'll do...until you come to your senses and let me fuck you again"

Justin raised his eyebrows at him, "Not gonna happen"

Callum placed his hand over Justin's on the bar top, "Oh really? Well...now I've seen who I am up against, I'm quite confident I will"

Marc was then back pulling on Callum's arm, "Hey wanna dance I love this tune!"

Callum let his gaze linger at Justin before being lead into the crowded dance space. Justin turned his back on them and closed his eyes.

QAF

"Everything okay Justin?"

It was the next morning, Justin laid on the CT scan stretcher before it was moved into the machine.

"Y-yes"

The Techncian in behind the glass spoke into a microphone on her desk, "I'm just gonna move you into the scanner now, okay?"

Justin swallowed down nervously, "Okay...", he muttered, barely audible. He felt the stretcter slide and he was manouvered into the appartus.

The techncian's computer screen showed her images of his brain. The doctor looked at them and nodded his head as more images were captured.

QAF

After the scan, the neurologist had Justin sitting up on the couch in his office. The blonde looked at him puzzled, "You want some spinal fluid? My Aunt had that done. That really hurts, doesn't it?"

The doctor smiled reasuringly at him, "You will be fine Justin, just lie down on your front on the couch...we call this a lumber puncture...I'll make it as quick and as painless as possible"

Justin lifted his gown and rolled onto his front looked slightly uncomfortable as the neurologist repaired his needle.

QAF

Later, some of Justin's artwork was on display at a venue near Brooklyn. There was many visitors milling around pointing and in converstion.

Justin, dressed rather more smartly than usual watched them. An older guy with long hair called Jerry came over and stood with him, "These pieces are great...it's interesting how vibrant the colors are but they blend in nicely with the lower shades and tones"

"Thanks"

He smiled leaning on his cane. Jerry wasn't more than say 55, but he needed a cane.

"Have you sold Many?"

Justin blew out a laugh, "Not as many as I'd like!"

"I know a collector in San Francisco who loves this kind of thing...the walls are color...infact you cannot see the walls for all the art on them..."

Justin looked at him, "Do you think he'd want to buy any of mine?"

Jerry smirked at him and nodded as he looked up to the paintings, "He's a she actually...but yes I think she would be interested...I'll make some enquires"

Justin looked grateful.

"But even if she wasn't interested...I am...I can see that one in my conservatory office in Queens hanging nicely over my wicket ware"

Justin didn't know what that was, but if he wants to buy.

"...and everyone here seems very impressed on what you have to offer...I think we are gonna have to watch this space with you...you are what? 20"

"23"

"Still very very young...still early-on in your career...I'm sure there are gonna be some long years of interest in you"

Justin nodded...but his smiled faded as it wandered on to much darker thoughts.

QAF

Justin was thrilled though. He couldn't wait to tell Lisa as they met and had lunch in a park at East River.

"Wow! That's such awesome news!"

Justin laughed as he removed his shirt and sat their on the grass in his vest, "can you imagine how much money I'd make if I sold them all"

Lisa was crossed legged next to him biting on a Xtrachilli-hotdog, "You work so hard Justin, you deserve it"

Justin felt bad. He had been bragging on and on about how successful he could be and there was she haven't yet sold a thing.

"That's why I'm treating you...if it wasn't for YOU I'd be all alone in this city"

Lisa sadly smiled, "New York can be a lonely...but you do make friends and with that really infectious smile of yours you can make so many more friends here and beyond"

"yeah, like sunshine"

"Hey...we should go out...it's Friday!"

Justin looked at her and sat up and shook his head, "I'm whacked...I had all those tests this morning remember"

"Yeah...but I'm sure you'll be okay...you told me they were all just routine"

Justin shrugged, "Haha, I guess...I mean they never said much...they'd call if they needed to see me and there is nothing on my cell"

Lisa stood up, "So...lets go out and have a good time!"

He looked up at her as she reached her hand to him, he took it and pulled him up on to his feet and they laughed and hurried along towards the river.

QAF

The club was a heaving sweatfest as usual. There was a trio of drag queens in vibrant colors dancing on stage to ABBA. Lisa marvelled at them as they past and clutched Justin's arm, "I love drag!"

Justin laughed, "I do too...I know this great guy back home who does a good turn"

Lisa took a sip of her fizzy cocktail and looked up to see a guy approaching from gathering group of hot ass studs.

"Oh no...look who it is"

Callum was all white teeth and smiles as he strutted up to them and flashed a wink at Justin, "So...is tonight the night, stud?"

Justin looked about them as their faces reflected from green to blue in the club lights, "What? No Marc?"

"Who? Ohhhh HIM...he's history"

Justin tried to be nice, "Look...I keep tell'in you...I'm not..."

"Interested?", Callum jumped in, "Why? Because you are hung up on that geriatric clubboy from good'ol Shitsburgh?"

Justin ran his hand through his blonde hair and shook his head disapprovingly, "Don't call him that..."

Callum licked his lips holding his eyes, "I do usually get what I want"

"I don't want you"

Callum laughed as he grabbed Justin's shoulder, "Ohhhh say it like you mean it and I'd believe you"

Lisa kicked off, "Are you deaf? He said he isn't interested"

Callum blanked her with a, "Fuck off"

"Rude!"

Callum could see he wasn't gonna get past this bitch so he decided to head off, but he cupped Justin's left cheek with his hand, "Whatever...see you real soon blondie"

Lisa watched him go and shook her head in disbelief, "What a complete jerk"

Justin had to smile at her, "I think I quite like him"

"What?"

Justin shook his head, "Not like that...just his kiss ass attitude and that he's hot and he knows it vibe he gives out"

Lisa tested him, "Hotter than Brian?"

Justin didn't look at her but he answered, "...a younger Brian I guess", he took her hand, and grabbed her empty glass "Lets go get another drink...cock-sucking cowboy is it?"

QAF

At Justin's room, his phone rang and the voicemail took it, "Hi...It's Justin...I'm not home leave a message..."

"Hello Justin, it's Dr Colter at Neurology. Could you get back to me as soon as possible...I really need to see you and to discuss further tests...my number is on the card I gave you"

And the call ended.

XXX


	5. How am I gonna tell her?

5/20

JUNE 2006

Justin Taylor drank his morning coffee and then went over and inspected his latest art work on the workstation near the window of his room. The colors were just right, but the latest touches were not of his liking, there was so much more room for improvement.

He ran a hand through his blonde hair and then downed the rest of his coffee and went and grabbed a shower. Today he was gwtting his results and he was feeling abit off color over it.

Shoving the dark thoughts to the back of his mind, he managed a few slices of toast, dumped the plate in the sink, grabbed his keys and was off.

QAF

Dressed in a black Tshirt and green-jeans, Justin flew down the fire escape and saw Lisa was waiting for him, "Lisa! I wasn't expecting you?"

Lisa laughed, "I've been thinking about you...I wanted to wish you luck"

Justin clutched his ruck-sack and gave her his trademark sunshine smile, "I'll be fine...you've said it, I've said it...I'll call you"

"You do that"

Lisa watched as Justin moved away up the sidewalk, he glanced at her briefly with a wave and crossed the street.

QAF

Justin didn't have to wait long before being called into Dr Colter's office at the hospital. He sat in a chair with the doctor opposite him with a computer terminal at his disposal.

"...with a diagnosis of Motor Neurone Disease...or MND"

Justin swallowed down not really taking all this in, "That's what I've got?"

Dr Colter nodded watching him carefully, "We are highly confident in our diagnosis and all the tests have come to the conclusions that point to the disease"

Justin had vaguely heard of it, "but that's an old person's disease, right?"

"Not necessarily...everybody is different and every diagnosis is not the same"

Justin remained calm. Too calm. Maybe it was just the shock. He cleared his throat looking at a painting he liked on the office wall.

"Did I get this from the bashing I told you about...that effected my fine neurons whatever it is"

Dr Colter knew what the boy was aiming to, "a trigger? Or a root cause? Maybe...but not exclusively..there may not be any link whatsoever"

He swallowed down and started to pick at his finger nail, "What...I mean...What's gonna happen to me..."

QAF

Justin walked the street in a daze. Everything around him, the people , their voices, the traffic, the police siren in the distance was all in a haze as Dr Colters words were still in his mind.

"...weakness in your limbs will be progressive...there will be a gradual muscle deteriation...your muscles will not respond to your brains commands...tremors...rigors...loss of speech...loss of movement..."

Justin ducked into any allyway and leaned on a dumpster. He breathed hard and tried to get back his breath. This wasn't happening to him. Surely he was gonna wake up soon and discover this was all just a nightmare.

Once he settled himself he approached the street and started to walk home. He needed to get home.

QAF

Once home Justin sat on his bed and threw his ruck-sack to the floor. He held out his arm and looked at his hand he turned it and tried to clutch in the fingers. They responded and it was abit shakey.

But for how longer till?

He looked across to his work station near the bright window. He stood and went over and looked down at his latest piece. It wasn't right. It just didn't look right.

He grabbed a brush and then found some water color just enough to dilute the green a touch. He carefully placed the brush into position but faffed around too much he ended up knocking the jar over and the water color flooded the work.

Justin's stress levels heated and in a flash of anger he picked the piece up and chucked it to the floor and stamped on the thing. The board broke and the canvess spread ripped in the middle.

He stood there staring down at his handy-work. If it wasn't fucked before, it was certainly fucked now.

There was paint on his sneaker, so he kicked it off and tossed it aside with his foot. He then went and sat on the bed again staring at the mess.

The door rapped.

He looked up and sniffed the tears back.

The door rapped again and then a voice, "Justin? Are you in there?"

It was Lisa. What did she want?

"Go away"

"But I thought we were going to that gay benefit thing near Central Park..."

Justin remembered but he wasn't up for that, "I've changed my mind...I've got too much work on"

There was a pause then Lisa called, "Did you get your results? What did they say?"

"They said...I'll talk to you tomorrow"

"What they will or YOU will talk to ME tomorrow?"

Justin laid back on the bed, "I'll call you tomorrow...I promise"

Behind the door Lisa stood on the landing with rainbow ribbons in her curls, "Well if you're sure"

She backed away and walked up the hall to the stairs.

Justin laid there for hours on his bed. Until it go dark and he wanted to forget the nightmare of today...

QAF

The nightclub was heated to high sweat levels and strobed color from the lights. Callum was leaning on the rail chatting up a good-looking stud he had lured off from the dance floor.

There was lust in Callum's dark eyes, "So wanna go fuck?"

The young stud licked his lips in anticipation and nodded towards the lower level, "dark room?"

Callum stroked the guys chest and took his arm, "lets go"

They were about to go down the stairs when a bare chested Justin came up and looked like he had far too much to drink already"

"Hey...", Callum said.

"Hey yourself", Justin slurred and leaned and and licked his lips.

"He's with me...", said the young stud in the tight vest.

Justin looked at him, "Fuck off"

Callum beamed a smile, this he liked, "Justin...mean and moody, I like it!"

Justin grabbed Callum's crotch tightly and was in his face, "Wanna FUCK!"

The other guy wasn't having this, he jabbed a finger at Justin, "I saw him first you dick! Fuck off or I'll make you"

Callum rolled his eyes and looked at him, "Fuck off..."

The guy almost did a double-take at that, "ME fuck off!"

Justin hinted a smirk and nodded, "You heard him *hic* fuck off you jerk"

The guy shook his head, "You two deserve eachother" and he was gone.

As Justin pawed at him and tried to kiss him Callum pulled away, "Hey wait...how much have YOU had to drink?"

Justin didn't care, "You wanna fuck me don't you? You are ALWAYS saying you wanna fuck me!"

Callum held his hands up and out of the way, "Not like this I don't"

Justin huffed and glared at him, "Give me some speed then"

Callum looked at him, "What?"

"Speed...give me some speed"

Looking about him discretely, Callum dug into his pockets for the clear bag of tablets, and handed one to Justin, "Have it on me blondie...forget what ever it is you are trying to forget"

Justin looked at the tablet in his palm and looked up to Callum and then he popped it into his mouth.

Within half an hour, Justin was in a happy daze. The music, the lights, the guys dancing all around him wanting a piece of him.

The sweat was pouring down his bare chest. His hair was soaked too. His heart raced. His vision was all glazed.

And guys were letching at him. Young guys, older guys, some sleazy looking men with their tongues hanging out at him and clutching their cocks.

Justin ended up on the floor. It was sticky and wet. There was men looking down at him, the dance music was growing distant... and then it all went dark.

QAF

Justin opened his eyes and he tried to focus around him. He relaxed when he realised he was back in his room. And then heard movement and saw Lisa in the kitchette clearing up.

"How? How did I get here...", Justin began sitting up and rubbing his weary eyes.

Lisa turned around and approached him, "So...you are awake at last...", she stopped and looked down at him, "...Callum called me...I was wrong about him, he's not the creep I thought he was...we brought you home after you started tripping at the club..."

Justin tried to think back but couldn't even get a memory to surface.

"...but Justin, seriously? Speed...again?"

Justin felt bad, "Sorry"

Lisa then waved her hands about the room, "and...Justin, what- the- fuck? Look at your artwork...it's ruined"

Justin saw this latest piece was on the floor stamped on and where he had left it before he went out.

"Yeah...I wasn't happy with it"

"You're telling me!", Lisa said trying to scoop it off the floor and it ended up in two.

Justin looked away. Lisa put what was left of the work onto the counter and looked at him, "Justin...what's wrong? What's got into you...this is not you...this is totally out of character"

"Maybe it's started already?", he whispered.

Lisa frowned at him , "What has? Justin you are really freaking me out here"

Justin was teary eyed as he finally faced her, "My results...I got back my results"

"You said...but you didn't want to tell me what they told you"

Justin swallowed down, "You better sit down...I was when they told me..."

QAF

At the weekend, Justin rode the taxi cab to his mothers house in Pittburgh. He had taken a flight out from New York Early. It was 10am.

How do I start this conversation with her? Can I deal with her freaking out and getting upset when I still can't get my head around this for myself.

Paying the driver, Justin got out and headed across to the front door. He paused but before he could even knock, his Mother was opening the door.

"Justin! I've been so worried!"

Jennifer gathered her son into a hug and pulled him inside. Justin pulled away and laughed, "Hiya mom"

Jennifer was all in a flap, "Dr Hall called for you...what's this all about? I mean, I had to call YOU when he phoned here..."

Where do I start? How do I tell her?

Justin dumped his bags in the sun porch and went into the kitchen, "Look...can I just get a cold drink or something...I've just come off a flight"

Jennifer nodded as she sat down and smoothed her hands over her knees, "Yes...of course you can, sorry"

Justin pulled the ripple on the can of coke and downed it in one and burped, "Geez...I needed that"

Jennifer stood again, "So...what is all this about? Dr Hall calls...asking to speak to YOU..."

How am I gonna tell her?

Justin came forward, " You better sit back down"

Her eyes focused on him, full of concern for her son, "Do I need to?"

"I do", he sat down and she sat down next to him on the sofa "Justin you are starting to scare me..."

There's no putting this off now...I have to tell her...

Justin swallowed down and looked at her, "Look, this is what I know...this is what the doctors have told me..."

XXX


	6. Good luck sunshine...big world out there

6/20

JUNE 2006

Justin Taylor laid back on his bed at his mother's house in Pittsburgh. He had his cell phone to his ear as Lisa spoke to him from New York.

"How did she take the news?"

Justin blew a sigh down the cell-phone, "She cried...I cried...She's still crying now I think"

"Life sucks!"

"Mine does...she said she's coming with me to see Dr Hall our family doctor tomorrow...for what use he'll be...he's about 80, and knows shit"

"Do you?"

Justin sat up crossed legged on the bed and scratched his head, "I've been doing some research on the internet...to be honest, I wish I hadn't"

"Me too!"

"Lisa...I'm shit-scared and I don't think I can deal with Mom's reaction...I'll be glad to be back in New York...the sooner the better"

"Good for you...laugh at this diagnosis in the face"

Justin tried to make lite of it, "I'm trying too"

"Well...call me when you get back"

"I will...bye Lisa", he hung up and placed the cell onto his bedside unit. He then went and padded bearfoot across to the wall and put his ear against it. His Mother's bedroom was just next door. There was no crying now.

He was relieved by that and climbed into bed and switched off the lamp. It was so quiet. No sirens no nothing, not like New York. It unnerved him and made him wish he was back there. He closed his eyes not looking forward to tomorrow or what the family doctor had to say.

QAF

It was 10am when he and his mother sat opposite Dr Hall in his office at the medical center.

"And your neurologist has emailed me your notes from his office in New York"

Justin pulled a face, "Why bother? I'm heading back there as soon as I can get a flight"

Jennifer snapped her head round in a not too happy stance, "No you are not, Justin, we have to..."

"Why not for fucks sake?"

Jennifer couldn't believe he could actually ask that, "because you are too ill, that's why!"

Justin knew that and didn't have to be reminded of the fact, "I WAS yesterday and the day before...and guess what? I will be tomorrow as well, so what's the fucking difference?"

Jennifer looked to the doctor apologetically, "Justin please, your language is not appropriate here..."

Dr Hall leaned forward, "Should I leave you two alone..."

Jennifer shook her head, "No...I'm sorry"

Justin realised they were trying to help him, "We both are"

Jennifer was already faffing around with a plastic folder in her grasp, "Look...treatment...what's his options? It doesn't matter about the cost, I'll take out more insurance if I have to"

Dr Hall looked at Justin, "Has your Neurologist explained this to you?"

Justin nodded, "There is no treatment...not really...just things I can to to slow it down...exercise and that...I've been doing that"

"But it is important you don't tire yourself out as well", advised Dr Hall, "ask reception for a self help leaflet on it and other things you can do, like eating a balanced diet"

Justin had more than read up about it on the net, "Yeah...Okay"

Jennifer watched Justin stand to leave, and she faced Dr hall with a sudden reality check, "there really is NO cure, is there?"

He nodded and Justin left the office. Jennifer collected up her papers and followed him out closing the door.

QAF

Outside Justin refused to get in the car, "I'll see you at home later"

Jennifer was at the wheel looking at him through the open passenger door, "Justin please get in, we need to talk about this...ALL of it"

"No we don't! Not today...I'm sorry, I just need some time out", he closed the door and walked off, Jennifer, feeling helpless shook her head, and reluctantly drove off.

Justin turned the corner and made his way to Liberty diner. Deb's eyes were fixed on him in surprize as soon as he entered through the door, "Well hello! It's good to see you sunshine!"

Justin shrugged a smile as he step foot to the counter, "I thought I'd stop by"

Debbie was genuinely pleased to see him, she put her pen behind her ear and said, "So...how are you do'in!"

Justin breathed out a laugh that he hoped looked normal, "Yeah! Great! Lifes doing just great!"

"Well I'm pleased to hear it! So how long are you back for?"

Justin laughed, "Why do you ask? You want my help in here again?"

Debbie poofhooed that, "No way...you are way too good to go slaving away as a busboy in here, I can tell you"

"thanks"

"Have you seen Michael? What about Brian, I bet he couldn't wait to get his hands on you!"

Justin just wanted to go, "No...well...in-fact I'm on the next available flight...I just came by to see my Mom"

Debbie smiled at him, "Ohh bless you, long way to come visit mind"

The door opened and Emmett breezed in, "Debs I...HI baby! When did you get back?!"

Justin was now making his excuses and was backing away to the door, "I'm not...back I mean...infact I was just leaving"

Debbie came around the counter and gave him a much loved hug, "Ohhh sunshine...this is such a flying visit...it's a mighty shame...make sure you tell us next time you're in town so we can really catch up, Michael will be disappointed he missed you"

Justin nodded, " I will...see you", he then was off out the door.

Emmett came to stand next to her at the doorway, "Well...I don't blame him...he's living the dream isn't he...in the bright lights of New York City, I feel a song coming along..."

Debs shook her head, "Not right now hunn..."

QAF

Justin crossed the street and saw Brian's building coming up ahead of him. He paused and looked at it thinking. What was he going to say to him? He hadn't really thought about it.

Then he saw the door open, and Brian was coming out with some young laughing stud in tow. Brian was laughing too. Justin bit his lip, another fuck no doubt to feed Brian's very high sex drive.

I don't even feel like sex..

That would be a problem. Brian had reached this studs car and they were chatting beside it and laughing again. But before Justin was starting to think Brian wasn't playing by the rules now, the stud leaned in to kiss Brian, who turned his face away.

Okay...you are playing by the rules...but what use am I to you now..."

The stud drove off. Brian, dressed in a sleeveless dark shirt lit up a cigarette and watched the car drive off. Justin backed off into a allyway as Brian turned to look his way before going back inside his building.

Justin swallowed down and walked off into the opposite direction.

QAF

Justin was throwing clothes in his flight bag.

"You can't just go back Justin!"

"I have to...I can't stay here"

Jennifer came forward, "Why not? Justin...you need to be here where I can look after you...I'm your Mother"

Justin wasn't pleased to hear that, "I'm 23! I can take care of myself...I am going back to New York and you cannot stop me"

Jennifer pulled her hair back and was thinking through an idea as she spoke, "Okay...if New York is what you want...then I am coming with you"

"No Mom!"

Jennifer looked upset and Justin relented his flash of anger, "I can take care of myself...look, I'll call you everyday...will that help?"

Jennifer shook her head, "You have to promise you will and if you get WORSE...I want to know, no arguements Justin"

Justin shook his head and went over and hugged her, "I promise...but I really NEED to do this my way..."

QAF

At Liberty cafe, Michael had been informed by his mother that Justin dropped by.

"Where's he now?"

Debbie was wiping over the counter and glanced up at the clock, "Probably on the next flight as we speak by now"

Michael was disappointed, "Ohhh really! I was gonna show him some new ideas I came up with about a new super-hero...I'd like him to do the art again"

Debbie laughed, "Catch up with him NEXT time"

Brian had just entered and caught the very end of the converation, "Catch up with who? Ben still busy...?"

Michael wanted to swipe that smirk of Brian's face, "Oh that'll be right, he works late and you think he's up to no good"

Brian tilted his head with a grin, "Your words not mine"

Debbie leaned forward, "He was talking about sunshine"

Brian gave her a puzzled look, "Justin?", he looked back at Michael, "...he's in New York you twot, how can you catch up with him?"

Micheal loved the fact that he managed to wipe that earlier smirk off Brian's face, "Because Mom's seen him"

Brian looked at Debbie for confirmation, she shook her head, "That 's right, he was in here just this afternoon"

Brian shook his head like he was trying to figure out a reason why of what he was about to ask, "Where is he now? Why the fuck didn't he call me?"

It was Micheal's turn to smirk, as he was about to eat his lemon cake with double icing, "Maybe...he's up to no good"

Brian didn't answer him. He reached out grabbed the plate the cake was on just as Michael went to fork a slice, and cockily tipped it into the trash with a sarcastic smile, he put his cell phone to his ear...

QAF

His cell-phone was ringing just as Justin was waiting for a cab at JFK airport arrivals. Mr Kinney flashed up on caller display and he answered, "Hi..."

"Hey Justin...what the fuck? Where are you?"

Justin laughed, "I'm at the airport..I'be just got back", he knows I was in Pittsburgh.

"Oh...so let me just get this right...you come all the way to Pittsburgh and skip seeing me?"

Justin bit his lip, "It's not all about you"

"So what's up?"

"Nothing"

"Well that's a lie...I can tell by the tone of your voice"

Justin didn't know what to say, "look...to be honest...

"that would be good"

"I've been doing a whole lot of thinking and I've decided...I'm gonna focus on my career now and...not you"

"I'd say you would be talking sense...if it wasn't for you not being TOTALLY honest with me"

Justin swallowed down, had Mom told him?

"What...?"

"You wanting to move on...and that's fine...it's only natural that you'll want to meet someone your own age..."

Justin was relieved he didn't know the truth. He just went with it now.

"Yeah...there is someone...I was meaning to tell you, but I backed out...I'm a coward...I'm sorry"

"Justin...it's okay...I just want YOU to be happy and if this...guy...makes you happy...I'm happy"

For a minute Justin held the cell down and with his other hand, wiped his eyes, he lifted the phone to his ear, "Look...I have to go...my cabs here..."

"You're upset...I can tell"

"I'm sorry...I..."

"It's okay...You were too scared to tell me...but I KNEW deep down that this was gonna happen sooner or later...so don't go worrying about me...i'm fine...I'm more than fine...you know me"

Justin climbed into the back of his cab, "Friends?"

"Always"

Justin pocketed his cell and sat in the back of the cab in tears. Why couldn't I just tell him the truth!

In Pittsburgh Brian leaned on his car staring at his cell phone, "Good luck sunshine...big world out there"

He smiled through glassy eyes and jumped in his car and sped off with a screech.

XXX


	7. Jump into my grave why don't you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the reviews and Kudos and those for reading x

7/20

JULY 2006

Justin Taylor had been back in New York for three weeks. The party was in full swing at a swish appartment in Manhatten that belonged to one of Callum's rich friends. The music was cranked up and there was dancing, drinking, taking drugs and the lot.

Lisa was with him. She drank her white wine and looked about her. The appartment itself was very welltodo. There was expensive paintings on the walls and there were novities to die for on display. Whoever this guy was, he was somekind of collector.

Justin came over to her in his bright pink T shirt, "Hey isn't this just great...you should see the porcelain in the bathroom...I THINK the fixtures are gold plated"

Lisa nodded looking at him, "Justin are you sure you are okay?"

Justin laughed at her, "Course I am! I woudn't of come along if I wasn't okay"

"Even so...you should take it easy"

Callum was then approaching them with a big grin, "So...glad you came? How great is this place huh?"

Justin met his gaze, "It must of cost a fortune...how rich IS THIS guy!"

Callum laughed and pointed towards the bay windows, "You should go see the view...you can see the city lights all the way round...back a few years ago there was a great view of the twin towers"

Lisa shook her head and excused herself to go to the bathroom

"What's with her?"

Justin shrugged, "I dunno...maybe it's being here...the view and everything...her dad died in 9/11"

"Callum felt bad, "Shit man...I didn't know...how was I to know? Did he work in one of the towers?"

"North one...she says she still has nightmares..."

Lisa was then back with a drink in her tight grasp, "Sorry...I didn't think", began Callum feeling uncomfortable.

"What?"

"Errm...boy I need another drink", Callum was off, Lisa looked at Justin puzzled, "What was that all about?"

Justin looked apologetic, "I sorta told him about your dad and you know...the view"

"9/11? It's okay...I'm okay...I'm more worried about you"

"I'm fine"

Justin went into the bathroom and saw a bunch of guys snorting Cocaine. A dark guy gave him a wink and a wide smile and said, "You wanna loosen up and do a line?"

Justin was up for that, "Sure I do..."

The dark guy moved aside and let Justin snort up a line with a rolled up banknote.

"I'm Rob by the way", the dark guy said getting real close and personal to Justin.

"Justin"

Rob sniffed the coke up his nose and laughed, "gives you a real buzz, huh?"

Justin felt abit lightheaded, "Yeah it does..cool"

"Frank's got poppers...maybe we all can have a private party in here, right guys?"

They all circled Justin...smiles...grin's...all looking or glancing at eachother knowingly in a very predatory stance. Justin felt a little uncomfortable, "I've gotta get another drink"

Justin was about to leave when Frank grabbed his arm, "Hey...stay...have some fun"

Justin swallowed down and looked towards the door as it opened, Callum stood there, "Hey Justin...I've got you a drink, lets go"

Justin forced himself out, Callum followed, "You gotta watch some of those guys man"

Justin nodded, "I know...it's okay...I can handle it"

Justin took his drink and headed over to the bay windows...the lights were pretty up here and he went out into the fresh air that made him feel nice and giddy...the drink and drugs working in his system.

He peered down and saw the lights of the traffic below. A plane soared over head and he could hear sirens in the distance. So different from Pittsburgh.

He closed his eyes. MND. He was thinking about it again. It was going to kill him in the end and he couldn't bear to think about that.

He looked down again. The music so loud from behind him. He climbed up onto the wall and looked down...he swayed abit as he watched the traffic. If he was to fall, it would be all over. He closed his eyes and let the beat of the music hypnotize him.

The breeze was in his face the music becoming distant as he drifted off with his thoughts.

He only had to sway forward and that was it...

A hand grabbed him and pulled him down to the verander proper.

"You fucking idiot! What are you trying to do you crazy little fuck"

It was Callum and his face was angry. Justin grinned at him, "I was only kidding...I wasn't gonna jump or anything"

"If you've snorted a few lines on all the beer you've drank who knows what you will do"

"Ohhh loosen up will yah"

Callum shook his head, "What's got into you? Just lately you seem to be on a different planet"

"I'm dying...for a drink", he laughed

He then dove through the french doors back into the appartment, Callum shook his head not really knowing why Justin was acting so weird.

QAF

In Pittsburgh, Brian was also out. He was at a club boasting to Michael about his latest conquest, "...and he rimmed by butt...couldn't get enough of me when I fucked him"

Michael pulled a face as they stood up on the railings looking down to the sweaty masses on the dance floor, "What's got into you lately? You acting like you don't give a fuck about anything or anyone"

Brian laughed as he eyed up another protential fuck, "That's right...life is...I mean...it's all bullshit anyway"

Michael took a swig of his beer from the bottle and looked at him watching this guy...eyes dark with the hint of a jungle predator spotting it's prey, "Have you spoken to Justin?"

Brian replied without even looking back at Michael, just focusing on his chosen guy, "Justin's having the time of his life...and I'm glad for him...he needs to make the most of life"

Michael put his hand over Brian's shoulder, "I know it's been hard for you...a long distance relationship was never gonna work out"

Brian briefly glanced at him, "and you're an expert are you?"

Michael shook his head, "No...but...I mean...I've had my heart broken and I KNOW what that feels like"

Brian laughed out loud and then his face changed and his mood became quite dark, "Look...if I wanted your advice on broken hearts then I would have made an appointment to see your husband...but seeing since I am doing this MY WAY...there is something YOU can do for ME"

Michael was all ears, anything to help his best friend, "What?"

"FUCK-OFF-MIKEY!"

Brian was then off in persuit of his latest notch on the bedpost, Michael could only watch on as Brian moved towards the dancing stud and then they both made their way to the backroom without even the word of a conversation...it was just a fuck as always.

Michael finished his drink and decided to he'd call Ben to let him know he wasn't gonna leave the club until Brian was ready to.

And that wasn't going to go down well with Ben at all.

QAF

In New York at the same time Brian was fucking a random stud in the backroom, Justin was stood on the platform waiting for a subway train. Lisa was with him.

"I'm glad we left the party when we did...those guys were allover you"

Justin wasn't listening. He was standing right at the edge of the platform and looked down to the rails. There was only 5 or 6 others waiting for the train with them.

"I wonder if you KNOW when you've been hit by one of the trains as it comes in"

Lisa came forward, took Justin's arm and pulled him back from the edge, "I don't think I want to know"

Justin looked at her, "I do...I mean...it'll be quick, wouldn't it? I mean...not like me...with this disease shutting down my entire body...and taking so long, you have nothing to do but live and wait...", he looked to the edge again, "But that'll be so quick...you might not even know"

Lisa was concerned, "Justin...are you still coked up? You are talking complete bullshit again"

Justin pulled a face at her, "I'm not talking bullshit...am I?"

Lisa tried to empathize the fact, "You are talking about threwing yourself in front of a fast moving train...Justin what the fuck!"

Justin realised he was airing out his dark thoughts, "sorry...I didn't mean to freak you out...I won't do it...not today anyway"

"Justin!"

"Come on i'm just joking...I'm being a jerk...sorry...hey,look it's coming and I am not jumping, see"

The train screached to a stop into the station and the doors slid open, Lisa lead the way and they sat inside.

For a while, they sat in silence then Lisa turned her head, she could see both their reflections in the window, "You wouldn't kill yourself would you?"

Justin laughed, "No way!"

"It's just when you say things like you did..."

"Forget it...It's just me being a total jerk...I'm really am okay...I'm owning this!"

He smiled at her for reasurance.

She smiled back and nodded her head, "Good"

She looked away and as she did, Justin rolled his head to look back out the window where he watched his fake smile start to fade away in the reflection...

QAF

The next morning proved to be a sorry state for Brian as he sat there with his head in his hands in one of the booths at Liberty diner.

"Just look at him! He looks worse for wear", commented Debbie to Michael as she took his order.

"He said he didn't get in till after 5am"

"Really? And it's a 'school night?'"

Michael shook his head, "yeh...I think he's taken his split from Justin worse than we thought"

Debbie watched as Brian sat back up and looked over with bleary eyes.

"He does look abit depressed...hey Brian, you okay?"

Brian widened his eyes and pointed to himself with a forced on grin, "Who me? I'm doing just great...infact for your information I've never felt so good!"

Michael gave his mother a knowing look, "See..."

QAF

That same morning in Central Park, Justin strolled with Lisa in the morning sun.

"I just don't know how long I can keep this secret for...I mean I need money and the bar work is all I've got"

Lisa looked at him, "Have your symptons got any worse?"

He shook his head, "No"

"Well then...what's the problem? You enjoy bar work don't you flirting with all those hot guys"

Justin pulled a sigh, "I know...but I just can't stop thinking about it...you know the future and what it is gonna bring"

Lisa remembered something and tapped him, "Hey, have you called your Mom?"

Justin had to smile, "Yes I have...and she asks me the same boring questions EVERY DAY...I should invest in a tape recorder"

They walked beneath some trees and saw the looming City skyline ahead, "Is this the real reason why you've split from Brian...all this he's getting old shit and you starting to feel differently"

Justin turned, "I was feeling different..now I know why...I miss him...but at the same time I don't want a boyfriend whos gonna stay with me outta pity..."

Lisa stopped at a set of steps and turned, "Would he pity you?"

Justin knew the truth the way he saw it, "Brian wouldn't admit to it...but he tries to keep everybody happy, and if it made me happy if he stayed, he'll stay...he'll do it regardless of how he feels"

Lisa glanced at her phone, "Crikey! Is that the time?"

Justin frowned at her, "You gotta be someplace?"

Lisa nodded as she quickened her pace up the steps to the pathway, "Yeah, the gallery, I..."

Justin caught up with her, "What's so important that you forgot to tell me about?"

Lisa was feeling really bad and decided to come clean, "Justin I'm sorry, I have a couple of pieces on show..."

Justin nodded, "Okay...that's good..."

"Yeah...somebody is interested"

"That's great!"

Now the confession, "Justin, it's the client who was interested in your works..."

Justin didn't know what to say, "Huh-huh...okay"

"I really hope you don't mind...it could be a real starting block for me"

Justin did feel a little annoyed if he was honest, and maybe a little jealous as well, "Jump into my grave why don't you"

He instantly felt bad and quickly caught up with her, "I'm sorry...no...I mean congratulations, you deserve a sale...long last, huh?"

Lisa removed her sunshades, "You really don't mind?"

"Why should I? And what would be the point if I did mind? The client buys what he likes, and that's yours"

She smiled and carried on, Justin not really knowing how he really felt about this followed...it really had dawned on him that his art career was now well and truely over.

XXXX


	8. Now you are making ME fucking nervous

8/20

JULY 2006

Jennifer Taylor strolled up the sidewalk in a dream after finishing showing a buyer around a nearby apartment. She looked up to Liberty Diner and decided she needed a coffee.

Debbie had been rushed off her feet all morning and as she quickly wiped down a table she spotted Jennifer breezing through the door.

"Jennifer, Hi!"

Jennifer gave one of her loose kind of smiles and said, "Could I grab a coffee Deb, the morning I've had! I wish people won't waste my time when they go look at a place..."

Debbie went and saw to the coffee, she turned her head as she poured, "Hey, it was so good to see sunshine the other week, it really cheered my day up seeing his little face in here!"

Jennifer nodded as she went through her real estate papers, "that's good to hear"

Debbie placed the coffee on the counter as Jennifer fished out her purse, "Mind you, he never stayed long...looked like he had something on his mind"

Jennifer managed a half committed nod, "Yes...I expect he did"

Debbie laughed as she went and saw to another customer, "Probably something to do with Brian knowing sunshine...I heard they broke up"

Jennifer nodded again and then looked stressed as she pulled a hand through her hair, "If only it was that easy"

Debbie finished serving the other customer and came over pulling a face, "What?"

Jennifer waved her hand to dismiss what she said, "It doesn't matter"

Debbie was starting to pick up a vibe that something was going on...and Jennifer was oozing concern for her son.

"Jen...is there something wrong?"

Jennifer was put on the spot, she dithered, "No...errrm...well..."

"Is it to do with Justin? Is there something wrong?"

Jennifer was flummoxed now. She stood up and downed her coffee in one hit, "Look I've gotta go...thanks for the coffee...but I've really got to go, I really have"

Debbie heard the other womans voice crack as she finished her sentence and was out of the door no sooner she could say wait up.

Her intuition told her that something was wrong and she was determined to get to the bottom of it.

QAF

Michael stood in Brian's loft appartment as he watched Brian give himself a once over in the mirror.

"You off out?"

Brian nodded as he turned his face from side to side in the mirror to make sure his hair looked good, "Yeah...I thought I'd try out that new place that's opened on the corner...you know where that shitty place used to be where all the fucking dykes used to hang out"

Michael stuck his hands into his pockets, "look...I'm sorry if I really pissed you off the other night"

Brian looked at Michael through the mirror, "You never"

"I mean...I KNOW it's about HIM..."

Brian turned around and shook his head dismissively, "I'd rather not talk about him"

Michael was getting annoyed now. Justin did this everytime, the only boy ever to make Brian the stud love and care, and he messes him around like he didn't give a shit.

"HE always does THIS...he keeps fucking you around"

Brian's voice was understanding, "more than I deserve..."

"You don't deserve this! There he is in New York living the high life expecting you just to wait around for him...he snaps his fingers and you come running...and he knows it too...he's taking advantage of your feelings and using them to his own advantage..."

Brian blew out a laugh as he went and got himself a bottle of water from the fridge, "you like the word advantage don't you? You said it twice"

"Huh?"

Brian guzzled down the water and wiped his mouth with his hand, "if anyone took advantage...it was me ...of HIM on so many occasions", he grinned at his innuendo.

Michael relented and gave up, "You really don't care do you?"

Pittsburghs biggest stud grinned again and stood up tall and straight in his vest and tight levi jeans, "How do I look?"

"You know how you look...how you ALWAYS look"

Brian came forward and pulled his friend into a deep hug and kissed him on the forehead, "Thank you for caring...but even I can move on without resulting to slashing my wrists...Justin is living his life how he wants too...I would be if he was me..."

Michael laughed as he followed him to the exit, "ohhhh you'll fall in love again, everybody does..."

Brian turned at the steps with a nod, "Not me...as I've said before, all the old rules apply...go out and fuck, fuck, fuck...no emotions, no ties, no I love you's...it's all horseshit anyway and the person who invented it should have been shot...now...are you coming? Because I want to CUM over the next horny stud I see"

Michael rolled his eyes as he followed him down the stairs.

QAF

In New York, Justin worked the bar. Lennox laughed as he and him didn't stop at the onslaught of paying customers. Justin took an order and reached over to a glass and dropped it. It smashed to the floor with shards going everywhere. Lennox laughed as he saw Justin huff and reach for the dustpan, "Here you go again!"

Justin laughed it off and rubbed his hand, he then picked up the biggest shard of glass he could see and it cut his finger. No pain. He then took it and looked at his wrist...

"Hey Justin...hurry it up will you...I'm on my own here!"

Justin swept up the glass and threw it into the trash. He then went to a fit looking guy and asked, "What can I get you?"

The lad smiled and licked his lips, "You, naked on a serving platter?"

Justin was used to all that, "I mean...what DRINK can I get you?"

"Cum in a glass and I've got all the drink I need"

Justin backed off and turned, "I need to take 5"

Lennox was wide eyed, "What? Justin we are TOO BUSY!"

"Then fire me", he walks out into the back room where he sits in a battered chair and lights up a smoke.

Later, Lennox looks at his watch. Where the hell was Justin? He had been an hour now. The bar Manager was now back and saw the torrent of complaints about the time it took to get served.

"Where's Justin?"

Lennox thumbed towards the backroom, "In there he said he was taking 5 and it's been like 60"

The bar Manager marched in where he saw Justin sound asleep in the chair. The Manager came over and rubbed his fat belly and licked his lips at the horny blonde.

"Wakey wakey", he sang, but there was no stirring, Justin remained in the land of nod.

The fat bar manager undid his belt and buttons and went over to Justin and started to jerk over the boys face. The fat ugly barman was puffing and blowing as he tried to cum over this gorgerous boy.

Justin started to stir and opened his eyes to see this fat cock being pulled in his face.

"Why don't you open that cute little mouth", the Bar manager grinned, with all but two teeth on show.

Justin was off and up out of that chair in an instant, "You're disgusting!"

"And you're so FIRED if you don't come and get your pussy little mouth round this...I mean, you DO want your job, don't you?"

Justin shook his head, "No way...not like this I don't!"

The Bar Manager reached for Justin and tried to pull his face to his cock, "Come to daddy"

Justin pushed him and the fat man went flying over the chair. Justin jumped back and then raced forward, "Hey, are you okay...I didn't mean to..."

"GET OUTTA HERE! YOU ARE FIRED YOU COCK TEASING LITTLE FUCKER!"

Justin grabbed his ruck sack and turned to see the manager zip himself up, "I'm sorry..."

"GET OUTTA HERE!"

Justin nodded and was gone.

QAF

Brian climbed out of the taxi-cab and yawned as he looked up to the sunshine. He smiled and approached Liberty Diner. He had danced all night, drank himself silly and did a few lines of coke. Then he fucked two random studs that had gave him the eye. It only dawned on him how late it was when he came out of the club and was nearly blinded by the daylight.

Debbie was pouring coffee when she looked up to see Brian roll in and slump into the nearest booth.

"Good night?", she asked Michael who came to collect the coffees for Ben, Ted and Emmett.

"Ask him", he replied thumbing back into the direction of Brian, "I never saw him after 3"

Emmett was listeneing and was shaking his head, "No honey, it was more like 4"

Ted corrected him, "Could have been 5..."

Brian had had enough of all this bullshit so he sat back and announced, "It was 6...hense I'm still wearing the same slutty outfit I had on from the night before...", he finished with a smile pleased to put them all straight.

Debbie raised her eyebrows at him, "Very classey"

Michael looked at him from where he sat next to Ben, "So what was his name?"

Brian looked at him in the way that was considered, why are you asking me that, "I don't know and who the fuck cares, was his name"

"Bet he does...", muttered Ted.

"I don't give a shit...", Brian quibbed at him and looked at Debbie, "Hey Deb...strong and black please"

She nodded and went to it, "Coming up..Oh...Jennifer was in here yesterday..."

Michael frowned, "What did she want?"

Brian pretended he really was interested as he looked at a copy of the morning paper, "does anybody care..."

Debbie fixed the coffee as she spoke, "She looked worried, like she had too many things on her mind"

Emmett tilted his head at her, "Must be about Justin...poor baby didn't look himself when I saw him in here..."

Brian gave him a filthy look, "I wouldn't know"

"Yeah somethings wrong and as a mother I can feel it", told Deb.

Brian was still waiting for his coffee, he looked up and waved his hand in the air, "look, this is all very rivetting I'm sure, but where the fuck has that expresso got to, huh?"

Debbie poured it and came over and placed it in front of him, just as he picked it up to have a sip she said, "I THINK you should call by and talk to her"

Brian pulled a face, "What the fuck for? I'm no fan of hers...why don't YOU go see her if you're that interested"

Debbie leaned in, "She LOOKED upset...", she hissed, "I'm starting to think that something is wrong...and as I said when it comes to your son, you know when something is wrong"

Brian exhaled a breath, "Okay! I'll go see her if it's gonna stop you from going on at me every chance you get"

Debbie was pleased and she reached over to the counter and dropped something fizzy in water in a glass in front of him, "Here...have this as well, might make you feel a whole lot better..."

QAF

It was noon by the time Brian got round to Jennifer's place. He parked his car and jumped out and headed over to the front door and it opened as he was about to knock.

"Brian?", Jennifer said, "You were lucky to catch me...I was just having my break and..."

"Debbie said I should come and talk to you..."

Jennifer was put on the spot, "Errr..."

Brian was already backtracking away, "Look, if I'm just wasting your precious time, I can go..."

"No wait"

Brian stopped and came back to her removing his shades, "What is it?"

She looked up to him making eye contact, "I'm so worried about him"

"Who? Justin"

She nodded.

Brian laughed, "He's a big boy now, in more ways than one"

Jennifer shook her head, "No...I'm not talking about that...I'm worried about him because he is sick"

Brian blew out a laugh, "Sick? What's he got, a cold...let me guess, he needs his nose wiped and you're not there to blow it"

Jennifer was getting agitated, "NO! HE'S REALLY SICK BRIAN!"

Brian was somewhat unprepared for that blast from her, it was doing wonders for his hangover from hell, he reached for her arm, "What are you talking about? I saw Justin a few weeks ago, not that I had the pleasure of a visit when he came here, but, there's no problem I can assure you of that"

Jennifer now had her hand to her mouth and was back in the house, was she upset? Was she crying? Brian was forgetting his hangover now, as a wash of concern came to the forefront.

"Jennifer...now you are making ME fucking nervous...what's wrong? TELL ME!"

She stopped her sobs and turned around, her eye makeup running down her cheeks, she nodded and went to the front door and shut it, this was a conversation she didn't want any danger of interruptions.

XXX


	9. I didn't want you feeling sorry for Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Again a big thank you for reading. Not the most cheery of stories x

9/20

JULY 2006

At Babylon nightclub, Michael and Ben stepped up to the bar and ordered a couple of beers, "This makes such a change...a whole evening of just you and me...", grinned Ben stroking Michael's butt cheek.

"You, me and about a zillion others"

"You know what I mean...It's so hard to get a sitter...it gives us chance for some fun..."

They kissed and it was then Ben noticed Brian coming up the steps and heading to the bar. Ben tried to manouver Michael away so he didn't see him, but it was too late.

"Hey, that's Brian! He didn't say he was coming out tonight!", cried Michael.

Ben was annoyed, "Why? Does he have to tell you everything?"

Michael shook his head, "No, but...hey...BRIAN!"

Brian was up at the bar and turned around as Michael came to his side, "Brian...you should have told me you were coming along..."

Brian glanced at him then looked away to the hot guys coming up to buy drinks, "I didn't tell you because I didn't want any company"

Michael frowned, "What's up? Hey...you okay?"

Brian didn't look at him, "How can I put this politely, Oh yeah...", he turned his head and gritted his teeth, "FUCK-OFF-MIKEY"

Ben tugged at Michael's arm pulling away from him, "Come on Mikey...leave him"

Brian laughed out loud, "YEAH THAT'S RIGHT MIKEY...YOU GO AND FUCK YOUR HUSBAND INSTEAD OF FUCKING HIM AROUND"

Michael let himself be pulled away as Brian downed his bottle of beer and ordered another.

At the same time, a hot stud in a nothing but a leather vest and jock strap, who had been giving Brian the eye from the opposite end of the bar, slid off his bar stool and drifted to Brian's side.

"Heyyy...wanna go FUCK!", the lad licked his lips in an enticing way at him.

Brian lifted his bottle and took a sip of his drink then looked at the guy and raised the bottle to him, "Why don't you go fuck yourself with that!"

The hot guy didn't like to be rebuffed, "Heyyyy! What's with the attitude!"

Brian stood and towered over the scank, "FUCK OFF!"

The lad scarpered.

Michael and Ben were still nearby. Michael spoke into Ben's ear over the loud dance music. "Hey there's definately something wrong! Did you see that?"

Ben shook his head as he finished his beer, "It's not YOUR problem Mikey! Look we came here tonight for some fun...all you seem to be interested is in HIM!"

"That's NOT true!"

Ben begged to differ, "It IS TRUE! Well, I'm heading home to relieve the sitter...and YOU...you can stay and babysit HIM!"

Micheal watched Ben storm off down the steps, he then looked at Brian sat up at the bar staring at his bottle of beer.

Something was very wrong. Was it the cancer, had it come back?

All he knew that he wasn't going to go until Brian was ready yo leave...whatever that time of night would be.

QAF

The next morning, Brian's hangover was killing him as he let two painkillers dissolve in a glass water on the counter and had his cell phone hunched to his ear, "So my flights on time? Thanks Cynthia, I'll call you when I get back..."

He downed the painkillers and pulled a face and spoke again into the cell, "...what? Is that today...yeah I KNOW they are my biggest client and the advertizing campaign is just about to start...Cynthia...I don't care how you do it or use whatever excuse you can come up with, but just stall them for a least a day...You're a star, call you when I get back"

Brian ended the call and grabbed up his wallet from the counter, then the door rapped and he went and opened it to see Jennifer standing there.

"Hi...I was in the area showing a couple around an appartment and thought I'd..."

"Come check up on me?", interrupted Brian, "...it's okay, relax...I'm on the 10 O'Clock flight out there"

"I just hope you can pull this off...out of everybody he'll listen to you"

Brian looked at her and shrugged, "I can't just drag him back if he refuses...you know how strong willed and stubborn he can be"

Jennifer pulled a sad smile, "except when it comes to you...I HOPE he listens to you and comes home"

Her voice was cracking so Brian went to her and pulled her head to his shoulder, "Are you okay?"

"No...that's why I NEED him back", she sobbed.

Brian nodded, "I'm on to it"

Jennifer turned to leaved then paused and looked back, "You do understand how sick he is? This isn't just gonna go away"

Brian swallowed down the lump in his throat, "You made that loud and clear yesterday...I want him home too"

QAF

In New York Justin was working himself hard on a running machine at East Village Gym.

Callum wiped the sweat from his browe as he finished pulling some weights and went to his side, "Justin...you are gonna burn yourself out"

Justin was flippant and didn't look at him, he just ran and ran, "I need to do this, I need to keep fit"

Callum frowned at him, "What the fuck for? You're in great shape...well, you were when I last checked"

Justin continued to run, so Callum pulled the plug that annoyed Justin to no end.

"Why did you do that for!"

"You need a rest...dropping dead with a heart attack is all you are gonna achieve the rate you were going!"

Justin grabbed his bottle of cold water, "at least it would be quick!"

"What? What are you on about?"

Justin shook his head and fished out his towel from his gym-bag, "nothing...you're right, I'm done for today"

Callum watched as Justin wiped away his sweat, "So...how have you been? I haven't seen much of you since that party in Manhatten"

Justin shrugged as he stooped and wiped his legs down, "nothing much, just working on my art piece", he lied.

Callum followed him to the locker room, "I still can't believe you getting up onto the verander like that, you could have killed yourself"

Justin opened his locker and grabbed his fresh towel to have a shower, "I was just jerking about"

"and freaking out all of us"

Justin laughed, "I'm spontanious...It just happened and now I know that maybe it wasn't such a good idea, so SORRY to freak you all out, it wasn't intentional"

"Spontanious my ass...you were just up to your eyeballs on drink and drugs"

Justin turned on the tiles in shower and removed his shorts, "hey...talking about being spontanious want to fuck?"

Callum looked around them, the locker room was empty, he pulled his vest off and joined the blonde in the shower where they kissed. Justin turned the tap and the water fell on top of them as they kissed and pawed at eachother. Callum licked his ear and turned him around and shoved his cock up Justin's ass.

"FUCK!"

Callum was too gentle.

"HARDER...FUCK ME HARDER!"

Callum started to pound him and Justin was front up against the soaking tiles as Callum carried on. He gasped out in excitment at the feeling of being fucked. Just like Brian had done back home.

A flash of a memory of him and Brian fucking in the shower came to mind as Callum got into a rhythm.

He closed his eyes as Callum manouvered him to the floor on his back and grabbed his legs with each hand and fucked him even harder.

A memory of Brian grabbing him the same way flashed to mind.

Callum moaned out in excitement as he climaxed. And Justin finished himself off. Both of them lying there with the shower water splashing over them in refreshing waves. Callum rolled his head to meet Justin's gaze, "That was horny as fuck?"

Justin nodded and managed a smile, "Yeah...spontaniously horny as fuck!"

QAF

They walked out the gym together and Callum stopped him from hailing down a cab, "So...you wanna do this again. How do we work this, you call me? I call you?"

Justin looked at him and decided to be brutily honest, "It was a one off...I don't think we should see eachother again..."

Callum stared at him, "So you are telling me it's what? A goodbye fuck?"

Justin sadly nodded, he did feel bad, "I am I guess...I've got...issues I have to deal with right now...and it's not a good idea to involve others..."

Callum bit his lip and shook his head looking to the skies above, "Wow...talk about being used..."

"You THINK I used you? Why?"

Callum looked at him, "You lead me on for weeks...giving me hope that you would want to go with me...start a relationship"

Justin shook his head, "Look, it's not you...it's me"

"Oh that old chiche! Don't give me that! You should have been honest and not lead me on! You nothing but a cheap cock teaser!"

Justin looked down to the sidewalk, he felt really bad now.

"You can go to hell you little cunt...a goodbye fuck was it? More like good riddance to trash like YOU!"

Callum stormed away up the street. With a heavy sigh, Justin watched him disappear around a corner and then turned and strolled off into the opposite direction.

QAF

It was getting dark when Justin called in at Glitters to collect his final paycheck he was owed, but it wasn't going to be that easy.

The bar manager glared at him from behind the bar, "You want your paycheck? Why do you think I am gonna give it you?"

Justin was defiant, "I worked all of last week, I am just collecting what I am entitled to"

"Well you can whistle for it, there is no way I'm gonna pay you a nickel. Besides, all you did was cost me a barrage of broken glasses. No fuck off already and don't come back"

Justin shook his head as he tried a different approach and a softer tone, "Please...I need to pay my rent...I was relying on it!"

The manager licked his lips and turned to him, "I suppose I could keep you on here..."

"You would...?"

"Sure...I mean...there would have to be new terms of employment...we can discuss your new contract in the back, and you can prove to me how bad you want your job back"

Justin realised what that would entail. He shook his head and backed away, "No way, I'm not that desperate, I would rather go walk the streets"

The fat man laughed, "Do you know how many rent boys die whoaring it out on the streets? Your cute little ass will be zipped up in a bodybag"

Justin mocked him, "Well, that's very true...but in comparison with working here with your new terms of employment, the risk of whoaring it is VERY tempting" and with that he was off out the door.

QAF

It was completely dark when Justin jumped out of the cab and paid the driver with the little money he had.

As it drove off, he crossed the street to his building and hurried up the fire escape to his floor. But he was shocked to see that someone was barring his way.

"Brian! What are you doing here"

Brian flicked his smoke away and thumbed back to the door, "Just open up Justin..."

Justin unlocks the door and they both enter, "Brian, you should have called or..."

Brian jumped in drowning out the younger guys voice, "WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU FUCKING TELL ME!"

Jesus...he KNOWS...Brian KNOWS!

Justin swallowed down, "What?", He went to move away but Brian snatched his arm tightly and spun him around on the spot, "...I've spoken to Jennifer", he hissed eyes dark.

Brian twisted out of Brian's grip and moved to the window to look out, "Oh yeah? Then she's got a BIG mouth!"

Brian stood there with his arms apart and still waiting for an explanation, so he decided to announce his own thinking.

"Is this YOU getting your own back on ME? For not telling YOU about the cancer? IS THIS REVENGE, IS THAT IT?"

Justin turned and looked at him, "I..."

"FUCK! JUSTIN FUCK!"

The blond stepped closer, "I didn't want YOU feeling sorry for ME!"

The older guy shook his head, "Feel sorry for you?"

"I don't know what else to say"

Brian chuckled without the humor, "Well I do...GO GET YOUR FUCKING FLIGHT-BAG AND PACK UP YOUR SHIT!"!"

Justin pulled a frown, "Why?"

Brian was still chuckling but was finding none of this funny at all, "Because my little ray of sunshine YOU are booked on the next flight home with me!"

Justin went to his closet and pulled out his case, "I don't need YOU looking after me!"

Brian did find this funny and lit up a cigaette as he spoke, "Very familiar words. Could have come straight out of my mouth when I had the cancer, when somebody didn't listen to me...guess whos not listening now!"

Justin glanced back at him, then went to the closet to get his stuff.

XXX


	10. I'm still your prisoner Mr Kinney!

10/20

JULY-AUGUST 2006

Justin Taylor stood in the toilet cubicle of the men's room at JFK airport. It had been over an hour since Brian and he arrived for their flight to Pittsburgh. Brian wasn't in any mood to talk. He was in one of his I'm not even going to look at you moods.

HE KNEW...HE KNEW ABOUT HIS DIAGNOSIS...but had his mother told him everything...what the prognosis was?

"Will passengers for American airlines flight AA4742 to Denver, please go to gate 145 where your flight is ready to board..."

The announcement made him jump out of his thoughts, he flushed the toilet and came out of the cubicle and washed his hands.

When he came out the mens room, he saw Brian sitting on one of the couches flicking through a copy of the NEW YORK POST.

Justin strolled over and sat next to him. They both sat in silence. Just the clatter and chatter of other passengers sitting or passing by around them, and of Brian turning over the sheets of the newspaper.

Justin looked at him, "Are you gonna be like this all the way home? Not talk to me"

Brian didn't look at him, he folded up the newspaper, retreathed a packet of mints from his pocket and ate one.

Justin huffed at him, "you not gonna offer me one?"

Still not looking at him, Brian held the packet to him and Justin took a mint and noisy unwrapped it.

Sucking it, he stood up and was about to head to the nearby bookstore when Brian said "Where are you going now?"

Justin turned, Brian wouldn't meet his eyes, "Just to the store...it's okay...I'm not about to run away back to my apartment or anything...", he then chuckled, "...I'm still your prisoner Mr Kinney!"

No response.

Frustrated, Justin turned and walked to the store. Finally, Brian did look up and watched him go...eyes betraying his inner concern...

QAF

On the flight home, Brian sat next to the window staring out. Justin looked about them and checked his seatbelt. He then looked at Brian, "Have you got those mints...", Brian sighed and reached into his pockets and dug them out and dropped them into Justin's lap without a word, "I like to SUCK ON something during take offs and landings", he said with a big smile on his face.

Justin popped a mint into his mouth and then looked down and saw Brian's arm on the rest. Justin placed his arm beside it and then with his pinky finger stroked Brian's wrist.

Brian relented and rolled his head to look at Justin, who beamed a smile at him.

At Last! Brian hinted a smile at him and squeezed Justin's hand, holding eye contact for a few precious seconds before rolling his head to look out the window again.

Justin faced front and smiled...wondering what life was going to be like back in Pittsburgh.

QAF

Justin stared out of the car window and he realized Brian was pulling into his mothers street.

"You've brought me back here?"

Brian glanced at him briefly as he turned the steer-wheel towards the curb, "Why wouldn't I? Your Mom is worried"

Justin shook his head and frowned, "But I thought..."

Brian stopped the car outside of Jennifer's house and put it into park, he looked at Justin knowing what the boy was thinking.

"Then you thought wrong...Your Mom is upset and you need to look after her"

"and me?"

"She'll look after you"

"and you?"

Brian heaved a sigh at him, "I'm not what you need, what can I do?"

Justin held his eyes, "You brought me home"

Brian broke the gaze and looked through the rear-view mirror, "I promised your Mom I would"

Justin faced front. They both sat in silence for a minute, before he had to ask what had been on his mind since Brian had shown up in New York.

"Do you know what's wrong with me?"

Brian faced front too, he shrugged because he hadn't had the time to process the information Jennifer told him, "It doesn't matter what I do or don't know...now...", he looked at him as he grabbed the door release, "...I'll help you with your bag"

Justin huffed and grabbed his door release and got out, "don't bother I can manage, just open the trunk"

Brian looked at him across the roof of the car, "Justin it is nearly 4am, just go and open the fucking door will you"

Before Justin could argue, a light was on in the house and the front door was opening with Jennifer running up the walk in her night gown, "Justin! Thank God!"

Brian pulled Justin's baggage along and parked it on the walk as Jennifer pulled her son into a tight hug, "as promised...he's back home in one piece"

Justin squirmed out of his mother's tight hold, "hey take it easy, I'm okay Mom"

Brian raised his eyebrows at him, "He's NOT...but he will be"

"Are you coming in?", asked Justin hopefully.

Brian glanced at his watch and nodded no, "I really gotta get to bed...I've got a busy day TODAY"

Justin looked disappointed and shrugged, "Okay..."

Brian pulled Justin's bag along the walk and set it inside the porch then he turned, "Well...get some sleep too...you look tired"

Jennifer was beaming a smile at her son and cupped his cheeks, "Ohhhhh I'm so relieved to have you home...THANK YOU BRIAN"

Brian replied with a smile. He winked at Justin and got into his car and drove off.

Jennifer lead her son into the porch, "Right you...BED...because Brian is right...you look dead beat, go get some rest please"

Justin watched her close the front door and yawned. He suddenly felt very tired. The sooner his head hit the pillow the better.

QAF

Brian stared out of the window of his loft apartment. He drank a nightcap, even though it was now nearly 5 in the morning and was nearly time to get up. He padded bare foot in his jeans and nothing else to the computer at his desk and placed the glass down and sat.

On screen he had an internet page on MOTOR NEURON'S DISEASE.

He had read and reread the first few paragraphs, and then decided he really needed that drink.

He stared at the screen and tried to read it again. His eyes left the screen the same place as before so he gave up and switched it off.

Nothing was good about it. There was no good outcome from the little he did read about.

"fuck"

He crawled on to the bed and rolled, stared up to the ceiling.

"Fuck this life...why him...it's all bullshit"

QAF

3 hours later, Brian sat at the traffic lights. He looked up at the red light then looked off to his right. The office was straight on but he found himself turning the wheel and signelling right. He had to see if he was okay.

Jennifer was just out grabbing the letters from the mail box when she saw Brian's car pull up to the curb in the bright morning sun.

"Hi Brian...Justin's out back if you want to go see him"

Brian stuck his head out the drivers window, "I don't...I just stopped by to see if he was alright after last night"

Jennifer pushed her hair behind her ear and stepped up to the window, "He's a little tired but...look, you are welcome to..."

Brian shook his head, "No...look, it's not that I don't want to, it's...I've got this real important meeting scheduled later and I need to prepare...it's something I should have done yesterday..."

Jennifer nodded, "I'm sorry...I didn't mean to take you from your work...I expected too much from you..."

Brian gave her a reassuring smile, "I wanted too...tell him to keep his...keep on smiling", he then stepped on the gas and was pulling away, Jennifer watched him drive off.

QAF

"...and now I'm back here in Pittsburgh",announced Justin on his cell phone to Lisa.

"well, I guess it's for the best...I'm gonna really miss you, the gallery visits are just not gonna be the same"

Justin sat back in the garden swing couch in the sun, "You'll be okay...you're find some other muse who'll be just as entertaining as me"

"So what are you gonna do? Please don't say you're just sit around and..."

"Wait to die?", Justin laughed, "No...I'll find something to do...I just have to keep up with my exercise routine and hope for the best"

"Well...give me a few weeks then I'll come visit you"

Justin smiled down the phone, "I'll hold you to that...take care Lise and good luck with the art fair next week, byyye"

Jennifer was just stepping out of the french doors as he hung up.

"Who was that honey?"

"Just Lisa in New York...I didn't get chance to call her before I left"

Jennifer was going through the mail, "Ohhh, I saw Brian out front..."

Justin looked up at her with a hopeful expression, "Ha-ha, is he coming in?"

Jennifer shook her head, "No, he was only just passing...he asked after you...and he DID say that he had an important meeting to get to"

Justin could sense his mother was trying to whitewash the whole thing, Brian didn't WANT to see him.

"How very convenient"

"What do you mean?"

Justin stood and headed to the french doors and turned before he answered her, "I have to face it Mom...HE doesn't want anything to do with me...not now I've got this...who would?"

Jennifer watched him disappear inside. She turned around and sighed...what on earth was Brian Kinney playing at?"

QAF

Jennifer had left the real estate office and drove her car towards Brian's building. She got out and hurried in and up the steps to the top floor.

Inside, Brian, lounging about in a vest and jeans, bit into a sandwich and watched CNN. The rap on the door annoyed him a little. After-all he had just spent hours trying and triumphantly winning over a new advertizing campaign for his top client.

He slid the door across and Jennifer was there smiling at him, "Hi...I thought I'd stop by"

Brian gave her the most doubtful look, "Not convincing enough...it's not exactly on your way home"

Jennifer changed tactic as she entered, "I had a house viewing nearby"

Brian turned and still wasn't convinced, "nice try"

Jennifer came clean dumping her purse on the counter, "Okay, you've got me...I've come about Justin"

Brian moved over to his couch to finish his sandwich, "I'd never would have guessed"

She watched him eat the sandwich and focus on the TV. She came over picked up the remote control and killed the volume.

"Heyyyy, I was watching that!"

"When are YOU gonna drop by, huh?"

Brian leaned back on the couch and waved his hand at her, "I'm NOT what he needs"

It was Jennifer's turn not to be convinced, "are you sure it's not the other way around?"

Brian was immediately on the defensive and screwed his face up, "Give me a break! I LOVE HIM"

Jennifer looked at him in a deliberate enactment of surprize, "You have a funny way of showing it!"

Brian jumped up and pointed to his own chest, to empathize his case, "I brought him home didn't I!"

"But he needs YOU...and...I would really appreciate the help"

Brian stared at here for a few moments and then ran a hand through his hair whilst walking towards the window, "Jennifer...to be honest...I don't think I can deal with it...with him"

Jennifer folded her arms, "So you are just gonna let him down?"

Brian didn't want to let Justin down, but he just didn't know how to deal with it. He opened his mouth with an answer that he thought was quite reasonable.

"Look...ANYTHING...if you need ANYTHING...bills paid...medical fees...hospital accommodation fees...just come ask me"

Jennifer looked sadly back at him. That wasn't the answer she wanted, although she half expected it from Brian.

"He needs YOU not your money...infact, don't bother...I didn't see you as a flake...", she walked over to the exit and turned on her heel as she slid it aside, "...seems I was wrong"

Brian looked away as the door slid shut. He then sat down and closed his eyes sitting in silence wondering how he could process all of this

QAF

"It's great to see you Justin!"

Daphne hugged him tight in the park.

"You too"

Daphne lead him to a bench, "So how long are you in town for? I couldn't believe it when you called me"

Justin sat down and turned to her, "I've...moved back"

Daphne was shocked to hear that, "What? But what about you art career!"

Justin ran his hand through his blonde hair and shrugged, "I can still make it in Pittsburgh"

Daphne wasn't really buying this at all. She shook her head and made a point of it, "But you told me that you LOVED New York! I was gonna come visit and we were making all those plans to go out"

Justin searched her eyes and held them, "Daphne...I'm..."

She could see that something was wrong and she tried for some encouragement, "Hey Justin what's wrong?

He looked to the ground, "I'm...sick...", he met her eyes again, "...that's why I'm back"

Daphne nodded, "Okayyy..so...what's wrong with you?"

Justin could see Daphne was worried, he could see the color drain from her face as she was going over and over different sickness's that Justin could have in her mind.

"Errrm..just a brain thing...it's NOT serious ar anything, I've just come back to get better", he lied and was a little too quick with the story.

Daphne wanted to press him further because she KNEW that he said that too fast, "as long as you are okay...", she uttered.

Justin nodded and gave her one of his sunshine smiles...he was pleased when she managed a smile back for him, so he jumped in changing the subject.

"So...how's things with you? Tell me about Jake, is it? Is he hot?!"

QAF

"Justin, you LIED to her!"

Justin got himself a glass of water in the kitchen as Jennifer stood in the doorway.

"I'm not ready to go tell everybody. It's bad enough that you and Brian know!"

Jennifer followed him into the living room, "So what about Debbie and Michael and the rest of our friends? Are you going to keep them in the dark as well?"

Justin sat down on the couch and glared at her, "I said I don't want them to know...NOT YET...they don't NEED to know yet"

Jennifer tried to reason with him, although she was doing this for herself as well, "but honey, people will need to know so they can look out for you"

He shook his head at her, "...and so they can wrap me up in bubble-wrap...no thanks...I want to be treated like normal...or as normal as I can damn well keep it up for!"

Jennifer sighed as she gave up her stand, "I suppose it IS your decision...after-all you are an adult"

Justin smiled, "It is"

Jennifer was about to turn around but she risked it anyway, "and your father? What about him? Justin he NEEDS to know, so does Molly"

Justin blew out a laugh as he stood up, "Dad? I don't care whether I see him again...and Molly is too young to understand"

Jennifer went silent.

"Mom...I just NEED to do this MY way...you promised"

Jennifer managed to look up and paint on a very reluctant smile, "alright Justin...we'll play this YOUR way..."

XXX


	11. Make me understand what the fucks going on

11/20

AUGUST 2006

Justin Taylor looked at his bedside clock. It was 10:30pm. He laid back with his window open. It was a humid night and he had been lying there in the dark listening to the crickets sing.

Fuck this for a life.

He swung with legs around and went to the wall and listened. All quiet, his mother was sound asleep. And so was Molly in the opposite bedroom.

He pulled off his pajama bottoms and then pulled on a pair of jeans. He then went to the closet and pulled on a black vest.

Collecting up his phone and wallet from the side unit, the cell suddenly fell to the laminated flooring.

"Fuck...", he hissed, "fucking gimpy hand"

He stood for a while waiting. But nobody stirred. He collected up the cell and stuffed everything into his pocket and then lifted the window further, so it was wide open and cocked a leg over the sill to the lattice nailed to the shingle wood outside.

He had done this a few times in the past when he was a teenager. He was 23 and was feeling guilty for sneaking out of the house. WHY? He was an adult for fucks sake.

He managed to climb down to the walk. WOW. He was sick and he managed to climb out the window. Jesus, he couldn't be THAT sick!

He grinned and ran up the walk and hurried up the street on his cell, "Yeahhh taxi please..."

QAF

Babylon was in full swing. The place was amazing and it was hard to even comprehend that this joint had blown sky high as little as a year ago.

It had been the first time he had been in the place since that fateful night where he had been listening to Cyndi Lauper sing and then was trapped after being blown to the floor during the explosion.

It was also the night when Brian finally admitted his love to him.

Justin stared about him and went up to the bar nodding to passing guys blowing him kisses.

The skin head bar man smiled at him, "Heyyyyy...it's been a long time?"

Justin smiled back at him, "I've just got back from New York"

The barman laughed, "That's GREAT for Pittsburgh...we've missed that smile of yours"

Justin raised his eyebrows, "I bet...can I have a beer please"

He was served the beer and he turned and looked around him. The guys were just as hot as he remembered. They were in New York too, and if he closed his eyes to listen to the track being currently played, he could almost be right back there.

Justin finished his beer and was at the center of the dance floor. There were Go-Go dancers moving to the beat in cages and hot guys circling him salivating their lust for him.

Justin loved that feeling. The smell of hot guys, the sweat, the poppers, the alcohol.

One fit stud reached out and touched his butt. Justin closed his eyes and he moved to the rhythm to the beat. He was a great dancer, better than most.

He tore his vest off because it was getting so hot. The guys went mental and started to dance close and personal and touching him gently, trying to get away with what they could do without it being sexual assault.

Fuck the doctors, they are wrong. I feel great. I am great. I can't be sick because I am dancing like I did before, and I don't even feel tired.

A well built guy who looked like he had been working out at the gym put his mouth to Justin's ear as they danced, "I've been watching you...you are as horny as fuck...that tight little butt makes me want to cum all over you"

Another guy was trying to grab Justin's pierced nipple, but work out guy glared at him, "Fuck off I saw him first"

Justin grinned at him, "Got any coke?"

The guy nodded patting his pocket, "Sure...wanna do a line"

Justin nodded eyes all enticing and a smile the other guy was lost in, "yeah...then we can fuck"

QAF

Michael had found Brian as he came out the men's room of Babylon.

"Hey...I called around yours..when you never answered, I'd thought I'd find you here"

Brian looked at him, putting a smoke between his lips and patted his pockets for his matches, "I decided I hated the quiet"

Michael followed him over to the bar, "Well, I was gonna invite you over to ours for Sunday dinner"

Brian nearly choked as he chuckled, "Yeah? To what? Sit there and watch you and Ben argue whose gonna go wash up the pans...the EXCITEMENT"

Michael frowned at the sarcasm, "Ben is trying to make an effort you know...I wish you could just meet him down the middle"

Brian waved over the Barman to get served, "Shut up Mikey...all I need tonight is a drink...AND...I didn't want any company...so, if Ben's keeping the bed warm for you, you better run a long and join him in your pink bubble"

Michael shook his head in disgust, "Why are you acting like a complete and utter ASSHOLE"

Finally getting served, Brian smirked back at him, "Because I can..."

QAF

Justin was again on the dance floor, but his head felt fuzzy. He had done a line of coke, but he didn't normally feel like this. The fit muscular guy he now knew as Randy licked his lips, "Do you like me?"

Justin shook his head, "Yeahhh"

Randy placed his hands over Justin's shoulders and leaned in close, "Mmmmmm, I like you"

He licked at Justin's pierced nipple.

"I feel kinda strange...that coke was OKAY wasn't it?"

Randy cupped Justin's cheeks and then let his hand move and cup his neck, "yeahhh it was cool"

Justin shook his head again and again, his focus was out and his legs started to feel like jelly,

"I don't feel like I'm in control"

Randy laughed, "You are just hot...have some more of that drink I got you...that's it down the lot and show me that tight little ass"

Justin clutched the empty bottle after draining it dry.

"mmmmmm that's given me an insight of what your lips would look like around my cock", Randy laughed.

Justin still didn't feel right he shook his head as Randy grabbed his arm to lead him off to the backroom, "No...I don't..."

Randy's hand was cupping the back of Justin's neck in a tight grip and pulling him along, "Come on you little cock tease...You're not bailing out on me now"

Michael was not too far away as he followed Brian through the sweaty crowd, "You are unbelievable sometimes...it's just YOU YOU YOU...you don't think about other people when you...", he stopped when he focused on the struggle that was happening at the entrance to the backroom, he squinted and pointed, "...hey is that Justin?"

Brian, who had been eyeing up a young dancer snapped his head around at the mention of Justin. He looked to the backroom entrance and saw Justin was trying to pull away from some sleeze.

"What the fuck is HE doing here!?" he exclaimed open mouthed in surprize.

Justin was pulling away from Randy, "I've changed my mind I don't feel too good"

Randy was mad and grabbed his throat, "Listen here you fucking little cunt...I bye you drinks, I let you have some of my coke...now, you can suck my..."

Brian was somehow there in between them, "Hey", he sneered at the sleeze.

"FUCK OFF!", Randy cried, angrier at the interference, but that was the last he knew before the fist hit his face and Randy went flying and skidded on his back across the dance floor, other clubbers having to gasp and move aside.

Brian wasn't finished at that. He stood and towered over Randy who was still on the floor, dabbing a finger at his bloody nose. Brian pushed back his hair as it started to flop to his face whilst looking down at him. Eyes dark.

"Well...come on jerk...get up!"

"FUCK YOU!", Randy spat.

Brian stooped and grabbed Randy by the lapels of his shirt, "If I ever see you hurt him again...I'll KILL YOU...do- you- understand?", his fist was balled again.

Justin stepped forward, "Brian...no"

Randy managed to shake Brian's grip off him and sat up. He looked at Justin, "What a psycho...this YOUR boyfriend? You deserve each-other!"

He got to his feet still attending to his bloody nose, he then glared at Brian who glared back at him like two bulls squaring up, he then sloped off to lick his wounds.

Justin watched him go and then faced Brian, "Brian...I"  
Brian was angry to say the least, he shot a glare at him, "What the FUCK are YOU doing HERE! Are you even up to this?"

Justin tried to sound convincing, "I feel fine!"

Brian shook his head as the dancers started to get back to normal around them, "But that's the thing...You're not fine are you"

Michael was looking to both of them in turn, lost in translation, "Not fine? What's wrong with him?"

Brian ignored his friend and focused on how scantily dressed Justin was. He pulled off his own shirt over his head and chucked it Justin, "Put this on and cover yourself up...I'm taking you home"

Justin pulled the shirt on over his head and being too big for him, was lost in the bagginess of it, "I can't go home now...I'll wake Mom and she's not getting that much sleep"

Brian took his arm to lead him across the dance floor, "then you'll have to come back to mine"

Michael was trailing along behind them, "Brian? Are you sure about this?"

Brian stopped and turned back to him, "Stay out of it Mikey"

Michael didn't like being dismissed, "But what's wrong with him...talk about being over protective back there...I've never seen you do that before!"

Brian bit his lip and shook his head, "I can't tell you", he then took the blonds hand and lead Justin towards the exit steps and out of the club.

QAF

Justin entered Brian's loft and made his way to the window to look out. He then gazed about him in Brian's shirt that was so over sized all you could see was his fingertips at the cuff.

"Seems like ages since I was last in here"

Brian locked up and turned removing his vest as he went to the fridge, "10 months - 3 days, to be precise"

Justin shook his head remembering back, "When I flew to New York"

Brian handed him a bottle of water as he passed to look out the window himself, he could see Justin behind him in the reflection.

"...yep...heading out on your own to start your new career", he drifted.

Justin felt sad, "and leaving us behind"

Brian managed a smile and turned to look at him, "the right decision"

Justin shrugged, "That's debatable...look at me now...I have no career"

Brian didn't want to talk about that so he changed the subject and pointed to the bed, "look...you take the bed...I'll happily take the couch"

Justin shook his head, "It's YOUR bed"

Brian met his eyes, "It's MY couch"

"Yeah but..."

"So don't argue and get to bed because you look exhausted"

As Justin reluctantly approached the bed there was a knock at the door, Brian immediately went over unlocked it and slid the door aside.

Justin removed Brian's shirt from his person and jumped in under the covers just as Brian called back to him,  
"Justin get some rest...hopefully, I'll be back in the morning"

Justin climbed out of bed confused, "Why...where are you going?"

Brian was cuffed and looked back as he was flanked by two police officers, "I've been arrested for hitting that guy...the sleeze has only God damned pressed charges"

Justin was annoyed, "What a jerk!"

As Brian was led out, he called back , "Get some rest and don't worry about me"

QAF

Justin felt naughty as he decided to put a pair of Brian's underpants on and jerked off in them in his bed. He climaxed and then pulled the covers around him. The low light was on and he looked at the clock. It was 3am.

Justin must have finally dozed off because his cellphone was ringing waking him as the sun was blaring into the room.

He grabbed the cell and answered, "Hi Brian? Mom..."

"Justin where are you?"

"I stayed over at Brian's Mom...I'll be back later"

"Does this mean that you and Brian are back together?"

Justin shook his head, "I dunno...maybe..."

"So you've been there all night? There was me seeing your bed empty and you must have got up early, how wrong can I be?"

"I snuck out and went to a club"

"Snuck out? Justin you are not a teenager, you are an adult so you really don't need to go sneaking out the window anymore"

"It was fun that way...look Mom, I've gotta go Brian's back, I'll see you later", he ended the call as Brian came in through the front door.

"At fucking last!", he sang as he dumped his keys on the counter.

Justin padded over bare foot to him, scratching his head, "They kept you all night!"

Brian met his eyes, "You are way too much of a genius to go stating the obvious sunshine"

Justin rolled his eyes, "I MEAN did they charge you?"

Brian smiled, "It was touch and go...but they finally let me off with a caution...a friend of Melanie's helped me out"

Justin shook his head, "This is all my fault"

Brian screwed his face up at him, "and how do you figure that?"

"Me...going to the club...getting myself hit on by that sleeze"

Brian waved a hand as he moved to the couch and chucked himself on to it, "Forget it...", he glanced at him and did a double take and pointed, "are those my boxer shorts?"

Justin nearly went red, "Errrm, yeah...I wanted a clean pair after I took a shower"

Brian didn't look convinced and there was just the hint of a knowing smirk. Justin padded over to the kitchen, "Do you want breakfast? I can make you breakfast..."

Lying on the sofa, Brian shook his head looking at the ceiling, "I'm NOT hungrey and haven't you a home to get back to?"

Justin had a frying pan in his hand, "I was only gonna make you breakfast, I didn't mean anything..."

Brian sat up addressing him, "I can't deal with THIS...to be trueful, I can't deal with YOU"

Justin swallowed down and looked like he was about to cry, "Are you saying that because of my condition? Don't you love me no more?"

Brian screwed his face up and looked at him like he was annoyed at him, "Do you even have to ASK THAT?"

Justin shook his head, "Sure...I mean, I suppose I wouldn't blame you if you didn't..."

Brian stood and rubbed the back of his neck, "Justin... I LOVE YOU...but all this is too much for me, you need to be at home with your Mom"

"But I NEED YOU!"

Brian looked to the floor, "Justin I..."

"Can't you even fucking HOLD ME!"

Brian closed his eyes for a few seconds and then walked over to him and pulled him into a deep hug, Brian rested his chin on Brian's shoulder.

"I'm sorry...but I am out of my depth"

Justin sniffed, "and you think this is fucking easy for me?"

"No"

Justin pulled away from him and took his hands, "I just want people to treat me like they did before...that's why I don't want them to know...not until I am ready"

Brian smiled at him and then stroked Justin's hair gazing into his blue eyes, "Wanna come to the beach with me?"

Justin frowned, "What?"

"I can buy the flight tickets now...Miami...sun, sea...whatever"

"Why?"

Brian swallowed, "If I am to understand this, then it's got to be you and me...I want you tell tell me what's gonna happen..."

Justin broke the gaze, "But you know..."

"I don't...not really...YOU need to tell me...make me understand what the fucks going on"

Justin rests his head on Brian's chest and nodded.

XXX


	12. Close the door will you and COME back later, because I've gotta CUM now!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes is hard to paint on a smile - but it's easier with people you love.

12/20

AUGUST 2006

"I just don't get it Mom...it is always HIM HIM HIM when it's comes to that blonde little upstart!"

Michael's face was like thunder as he sat at his mother's table in her kitchen at home.

"MICHAEL! Can you not talk about Justin like that...obviously he is back for a reason", sniped Debbie as she made breakfast.

Michael shook his head in temper, "No way! You didn't see Brian strike that guy last night, I don't know what's got into him but HE'S got something to do with it...that little prick...that 'I can twist Brian around my little finger' shit"

Debbie was amused as she poured some coffee, "like the way you never could"

Michael sighed.

"Listen hun...YOU have to concentrate on your own relationship and not interfere in theirs...I mean...HOW IS BEN?"

"Working...he's ALWAYS working and when he's not it's a weekend Melanie's in town with the Jenny Rebecca"

"In which WE like having...", she reminded him.

"Yeah I know...It's just Ben won't try to meet me in the middle...he says I'm too obsessed with Brian all of the time"

"Really? That's news to me", Debbie said with some sarcasm.

Michael stood up, "I'll call him later...to see if he's alright"

Debbie sat down, "I'm sure Ben'll appreciate it"

"I'm not talking about Ben...I was talking about BRIAN"

QAF

"Excuse me? You're going WHERE?", Jennifer asked as she leaned against the door frame to Justin's bedroom. Justin was packing his flight bag neatly on the bed.

"Miami...it's just for a few days and Brian will be with me"

Jennifer was happy to hear that but still had her reservations about this trip.

"Well at least HE is with you...but are you sure you are up to be going jaunting across the states, what happens if you get too tired?"

Justin laughed as he finished up packing and tried to grasp hold of the zip,"Then I'll get some rest...and it's only FLORIDA it's hardly jaunting across the states!", he gave up on the zip and turned to his Mom feeling a little frustrated, "...look can you..."

Jennifer nodded and zipped up the case looking at him,"See...little things"

"relax, don't worry Mom, I'm tired, I'm just too excited about going away...I need things to look forward to..."A car horn honked outside, ..."that'll be Brian, I'll call you when I get there"

Jennifer pulled him into a tight hug and closed her eyes tight.

"Pleassee do that honey..."

QAF

Justin watched the waves roll in onto the golden sands. It was pretty gloomy with only a handful of people up and down Miami Beach.

"Well...what can I do but apologize for not providing you with exceptionally fine weather", Brian announced behind him and looking disappointed with it.

Justin wasn't disappointed at all, why would he be? He was out in the fresh air and it felt great. He painted on a big smile and turned around as the breeze wafted his blond locks.

"I like it...it gives us chance to talk"

Brian frowned at him as he stood there in a pair of shorts, bright lime flip-flops and sunshades, "chance to? Talking is over rated anyway"

Justin laughed out loud and teased him, "Yeah...instead of you eyeing up all the hot guys in their swimming shorts sun tanning"

Brian playfully tilted his head and parted his arms in question, "Now, would I?"

Justin laughed again, "I would!"

Brian looked out to sea and bit his lip thinking as he did so. Then he looked at Justin, "You look so...", he paused and then finished off with a, "...normal"

Justin approached the water and the current swayed around his ankles with warm water, "Is that meant to be a compliment?"

Brian shook his head and removed his shades, "I meant...you wouldn't know, to look at you...that you were so..."

Justin faced him, "so what? Sick? I have MND...you can say it you know"

"But what does it mean?"

Justin kicked some sand about with his foot, "Motor Neuron disease...", he answered with a brief glance to him.

Brian rolled his eyes at him, "I KNOW THAT MUCH YOU TWOT! I meant what does it mean for YOU"

Justin came forward and looked up at him holding his eyes, "It means...I'm not gonna get any better...but you already know that"

Brian watched him zip off again and circle a parked jet ski, "I did some research..., he told, "...did you get this through your bashing?"

Justin smoothed his hands across the jet skis leather seat and then met Brian's gaze quickly, "Don't you start blaming yourself! The doctors said that I would have probably got this anyway"

Brian picked up on one word, "Probably", he announced with his eye brows raised.

Justin shook his head, "Highly likely"

Brian wasn't going to be beaten. He took the optimistic approach and said, "What about a second opinion? I can pay for the best consultant if I have to"

Justin closed his eyes and shook his head. He in-took a deep breath before having to give him the killer blow.

"Brian there is NO CURE...this...I'm dying"

Brian swallowed down, "You don't have to make it sound so final"

Justin had to tread carefully, he came forward and shrugged, "Hey! Don't look so worried...it could take years for me to get any worse"

Brian couldn't take his eyes off him, "But...you WILL deteriorate in time?"

Justin tore away his eyes and nodded, "I will, yes"

Brian looked pissed off. He turned away and had the look he could hit somebody, "FUCK! WHY YOU? With all the scumbags in this world and YOU have to get it!"

Justin approached him and took his arm, "My lot in life?"

Brian held his eyes, "are you scared?"

Justin realized this was the first real time he had really thought about that...he nodded.

Brian blew out a chuckle and looked out to sea again, "Well kiddo...you hide it well"

Justin spoke his fears as they both looked to the breeze, "Nights are the worse...that's when I think about it the most"

"That's when I thought about the cancer"

Justin sniffed back and decided he needed to be sure if Brian was doing the best by him, "Brian...if you cannot cope with this...If it is all too much for you too soon...I would understand"

Brian's face was awash with a snap realization and understanding, "that's it! This is WHY you broke up with me..."

Justin gave him the affirmative nod, "...yeah...I didn't think it fair for you to be forced into this...OR...to stay out of duty...because I know you so well, and you wouldn't of walked away"

Brian licked his lips and could taste the salty sea air. He took Justin's hand into his and kissed it, "walk away? Never..."

QAF

"WOW! There's a really cool mini bar!"

Justin had the refrigerator door open and was looking at the shelf and poking his finger into the ice box.

Brian stood up at the huge glass door that went onto the hotel room balcony, he could see the sea right ahead, "Is there any beers?"

Justin checked and nodded his head, "Yeah...do you want one?"

Brian shook his head and replied, "Nah, not right now"

Justin closed the door up to the refrigerator, "Okayyy...", he padded across to the bed in barefoot and removed his shorts and T Shirt. Jumping onto the bed he laid back smirking because Brian still had his back to him looking out the window.

"...what about me?"

Brian frowned, "You can have a beer if you want"

Justin smiled, "No...I didn't mean that...I meant if YOU don't want a beer, do you want me"

Brian then turned around and saw Justin in all his beautiful nakedness laying back on the bed.

"Errrrrr...I mean...should we...?"

Justin laughed at him and sat up reaching up his hand to him, "Brian...relax...I'm not gonna break"

Brian took his hand and let himself be pulled to the bed. Then as he pulled off his own T shirt, he started to kiss Justin full on the lips. They were getting faster and more passionate. Justin managed to pull off Brian's shorts as he came to lie down beside him.

He stroked Justin's blonde hair and held his eyes, "I've missed you...it's been too long"

Justin leaned in and kissed him and again the kisses made a slow progression to being heated and full of passion.

Brian climbed on top of him and moved his mouth down to the pulse of Justin's neck. Justin closed his eyes as he relished the fact that HE was touching him again.

Brian moved further down and started to go down on him. Justin gasped in excitement as Brian's mouth was hot to rhythm.

Justin opened his eyes when he realized Brian had stopped and was looking up at him, eyes full of lust, "FUCK you taste so good!"

"Just as long as I'm making you horny...", Justin said with a hint of a wicked smile.

Brian licked his lips and spat on Justin's cock, "I'm horny as FUCK!"

"You always are", Justin teased.

Brian grabbed hold of Justin's feet and pulled him up to a sitting position at the end of the bed, where Brian stood and Justin started to go down on him. He then told Justin to roll over so his Butt was in the air. He went all submissive and Brian then entered him and fucked him hard.

Brian gasped out in joy and closed his eyes, but only to open them again and realize that the cleaning lady was in the doorway with her mouth wide open in what could only be described as in a state of shock, with mop and bucket hanging in mid-flow.

He smirked at her and said, "I KNEW I should have hung out the do not disturb...hey...close the door will you and COME back later, because I've gotta CUM now!"

QAF

Brian watched Justin sleep and carefully moved his arm away so he could pad over to the bathroom and have a piss. As he did so he looked into the full length mirror checking himself out and then flushed the toilet.

He padded over back to the bed and laid down beside Justin and watched him sleep. Justin then snapped his eyes open and turned his head around.

"How long have I been asleep?"

Brian smiled, "Not long..."

He yawned and sat up, "You should have woke me"

Brian bit his lip, "I like to watch you sleep...it's something I've missed, as well as the amazing sex of course"

Justin laid his head back down to the pillow and chuckled, "watching me sleep? Now that's kinda freaky"

Brian laid his head down beside Justin's and put a cigarette between his lips, "Not as freaky as when you used to sketch me...you think I didn't noticed, but I did"

Justin grinned at that, "Yeah...I used to like to drawer you...", his grin faded, "...it's not gonna happen again though"

Brian lit up his smoke and exhaled, "Yes you can...I can strike a pose now if you want me to..."

Justin was adamant as he raised his head to look at him, "I can't dumb-ass...my hands won't let me no more"

Brian moved his eyes to look at him, "So you are just gonna give up?"

"I don't have no choice", Justin sighed.

Brian realized he was pushing it and sat up smiling, "Sorry...I shouldn't go on at you...so...what do you want to do now? Room service? You can choose anything frpm the menu, just as long as it is fantastically expensive"

Justin then saw the no smoking sign on the counter and jumped up out of the bed and slid the door across for some fresh air to breeze in, "Hey you shouldn't be doing that look!"

He pointed to the sign. Brian casually glanced at it and continued to puff, "Fuck that...if I want to fucking smoke I will fucking smoke, and if they don't like it, they can go and kiss my hot not so lily white ass"

Justin was thinking about something else, "What about tomorrow?"

Brian stubbed out the cigarette on the wall and studied the butt end between his thumb and finger, "what do you wanna do? Go to the beach and go check out all those hot guys? Mind, the sun will have to come out of course..."

Justin was shaking his head with a big fat smile forming in the making, "Nahhh...I've got a better idea"

Brian sniffed and looked at him, "What?"

The blonde was grinning like a kid as he approached him, "Well...you know how much you'll do ANYTHING for me...?", he said deliberately letting the sentence linger for effect.

Brian looked worried in the nice sense, "I'm gonna regret asking this...So...what is it you want?"

Justin corrected him, "GO ACTUALLY...I am thinking DISNEY WORLD!"

Brian face dropped, "Disney world?! Of ALL the places...fucking Disney World!"

Justin was too excited to let Brian's dismay dampen his spirit, "Oh come on! Hey! We are in Florida! It'll be an unquestionable crime for you not to take me"

Brian could see the smile on his face grow bigger and the older guys somewhat stony expression lightened up a little, "Okay...if that's what you want to do..."

"THANK YOU!", Justin started kissing him all over and Brian chuckled, "But you fucking OWE me one"

OXO


	13. I can totally see you are thoroughly loving this experience

13/20

AUGUST '06

It was a typical day at Disney World. The sun was shining down on a whole host of happy and joyful families having a great day out and gaining memories that would last with them forever.

And then there was Brian and Justin.

Justin was smiling. He gazed about him giving Brian a running commentary of his boyhood dream of coming here.

"...and this is so great! No it's super-mega-fantastic in the realms of...I don't know...it's just so big and beautiful and ALL I dreamed-of. Of course, Dad promised to take me to Disney LAND when I was 10 but he had to work ALL of the time...and the trip never materialized...but hey, who cares...look at me now...not only is Disney WORLD better then Disney LAND...it out classes it in ways I couldn't imagine"

He stopped and finally looked at Brian who was in a trance as he strolled beside him, but he made it know that he was half listening, "...I'll take your word for it"

Justin laughed and placed his hand over Brian's shoulder and leaned in, "Just LOOK at how happy everybody is...not a care in the whole wide world"

Brian did make the effort and took a look about him and nodded, "Yeah...makes you want to throw up...", He saw Justin's glare and instantly found a different approach, "...yeah, it's AMAZING to see all their happy little faces and that ALL their life long dreams have come true", and he finished off with a big forced on grin for him.

It was Justin's turn for sarcasm, "I can totally see you are thoroughly loving this experience"

Brian agreed with that, "Yeah...that's how I SEE IT...as an experience"

Justin smiled at a Donald Duck as he walked by with a handful of colorful balloons he was handing out to excited kids.

"Hey, Maybe one day you can bring Gus here"

Brian blew out a laugh as he eyed up one of the balloons and secretly wanted to burst it.

"Me?! Oh no Sunshine, if I'm to step foot back in here, then YOU are coming with me!"

Justin shrugged, "Unquestionable...but of course I can't if I am already dead and cremated by the time YOU get around to it"

Brian paused in his tracks and glared at him, "Death again"

Justin nodded and smiled, "Sorry"

Brian breathed out and held his arms out wide around them, "So...where is this ride you wanted to go on? Are you sure I can't tempt you to come and ride something else..., he teased, "...the head rush of fun and breathless excitement is guaranteed!"

Justin ignored him, "Shut up...no...THIS IS IT"

They both stood outside a ride that was busting with people bursting to get there in line.

"Space Mountain?"

Justin nodded and looked at him, "Yep"

"But I hear that is a roller-coaster is it not?"

Justin grasped his hand and started to pull him to line, "That's right...I know how much you hate them...but you did say you'd do ANYTHING for me"

Brian nodded, "Okay...but I'm warning you now...if I throw up it's all over you sunshine"

Justin was highly amused as they moved on in line, "Ha! You've gotta see me first!"

Brian frowned.

"Oh, Didn't i tell you? It's a roller-coaster in the DARK!"

They were both ushered inside the barrier waiting for the line of cars to pull in.

"FUCK! How do you ever talk me into doing these things! What I DO for you!

The ride was noisily trundling in as Justin corrected him, "No...it's what you do for love!"

QAF

Justin was the first one out and was grinning like a loon, "WOW! That was fantastic!"

He turned around to finally see Brian come out looking white as a sheet, "I think I'm gonna throw up"

"HA! Look at the state of you! Just wait until we get back and I tell the others that Mr Brian Kinney can't deal with roller-coasters! Hey where's my cell, I'll video you, they can see it for themselves!"

Brian pointed at him, "You film me you're dead", he said with labored humor.

Justin chuckled then gazed about them, "Do you want an Ice Cream?"

Brian looked at him, "Not right now, unless you want me to projectile vomit it right in your face"

Justin nodded and strolled over to the gift shop, "Hey...I need to get a pair of Mickey Mouse ears for Molly...she's always wanted a pair"

Brian followed him into the shop, "Not JUST her"

Justin wasn't listening as he went up to where they were on display, he picked up a pair and looked back to Brian who was milling near the exit, "Hey...you should buy Gus a pair"

"Now that's a great idea...YOU buy them"

QAF

Justin wore his pair of Mickey Mouse ears proudly as he strolled along the walk. Brian was keeping at a safe distance behind him, "Hey you should lose the Mickey Mouse ears...they are so not a good look"

"Who cares"

"Agggh...can we stop before my legs completely give way to exhaustion...you know with me being so old"

Justin arrived at an iron bench and gestured it, "Okay...lets sit for a while"

Brian sat down beside him and people watched through his shades. Justin was still smiling looking about then.

"Well...this is pleasant...just us sitting on our butts here looking on as a pair of dykes over there try to gain control their kid...and hey look over there, a nice young couple out with the family...he looks FAR TOO contentive to me, my guess is that he is fucking the hot twink next door", he laughed as he said it and looked at Justin.

Justin was'not smiling anymore, "Do you HAVE to spoil it? This is supposed to be fun, but all YOU can do is poke fun!"

Brian frowned at him, "Fucking hell, chill out, I was only joking...loosen up already"

Justin shook his head and dramatically turned away from him, "No way...I'm annoyed with you now"

Brian smirked and shrugged Justin's attitude off, "Hey...I BET I can make you smile..."

Justin didn't react.

"I bet I can"

Justin gave him the hand, "You are wasting your time"

Brian wasn't giving up, "How about this...", and he pulls a face.

Justin looked at him with a stony expression.

"How about this then", Brian pulled more faces, until one particular pulled face finally made Justin start to chuckle

"Got you!"

"You're such a dumb-ass", Justin breathed.

Brian was still triumphant, "Well this dumb-ass still made you smile sunshine...", he sung.

Justin leaned back on the bench and turned, "I'll smile some more if you pull that face again...the one with your eyes crossed and your tongue over your lip"

Brian shook his head, "No way stud...that was a one off act...no repeat performance allowed"

"Awwwww...not even for me?"

Brian hated it when Justin looked at him like butter wouldn't melt, "If you good...then maybe later"

Justin faced front and watched a group of excited kids run ahead of their parents, "Thank you"

Brian frowned, "For what? For agreeing to pull my face again, I'll be happier if you pulled on something else"

"No not that...for doing THIS...I know how much you hate all this happy family orientated bullshit, and that's YOUR words...but you've done it for me"

Brian shrugged, "I don't hate it...but that's inly because YOU are with me"

Justin stood up and turned, "I Think I've had enough...shall we go grab a chilli- dog, extra hot"

Brian stood to his feet and smirked at him teasingly, "Hot dog for dinner AND a hot dog for dessert"

"You have a filthy mind Mr Kinney"

"That's why you love me"

Justin smiles at him, "Yeah...", and he was about to go when Brian tugs his arm to stop, "and seeing YOU smile...that's why I love YOU"

QAF

Later, Justin put his face to the hot shower. He soaked his face and hair and lathered his body with the wash.

Outside, Brian was opening up two beers and called out, "You gonna be much longer in there?"

"I'll be out in a minute"

Brian raised his eyebrows, "That's what you said a minute ago...what is it that you are doing in there, huh?"

"Dirty mind!"

"Yeah Yeah...I'll be out on the balcony watching for the hot pool attentant we like", he teased.

"Don't watch him with out me!"

Justin reached for the towel and stepped out of the shower and dried himself over. He then went to throw the towel to the rail but the thing wouldn't come out of his grasp, his fingers wouldn't move and the towel was caught up.

He shook his arm, "Get off damn it"

He used his other hand and took the towel and threw it to the wet floor. He then rubbed his fingers and tried to make them move, but they wouldn't.

"JUSTIN ARE YOU ALRIGHT IN THERE?"

Justin nodded towards the door, "Yeah just drying down"

He looked at his hand, trying desperately to wish off the inevitable, "Pleaase...not now...please not now", he muttered.

QAF

Brian was sat on the balcony with his feet up on the rail. He had an ice cold beer in one hand and this cell phone to his ear in the other.

"...well tell them I'll get it emailed when I get back...", Justin came out and sat down as Brian finished off his call, "...I don't know WHEN I'll be back but just tell them in a few days...good...yes Cynthia, I'm having a great time, see you soon...bye"

Justin watched Brian place his cell on the table, "Work?"

"Ha-ha, Work can wait"

Justin shook his head, "We can go back if you need to...we don't have to stay if it's gonna mess with your work commitments"

Brian lit up a cigarette and was casual, "well that's a damned shame I can't do that...seeing that I've cancelled our flight"

That was news to Justin, "Huh? What? Why?"

Brian exhaled his smoke and stood to lean up on the rail, "I thought we could go back by car"

Justin frowned at him tugging with his top, "Car? But that'll take..."

"...days", Brian said, "...and that means more alone time for you and me my little prince"

Justin reached for the beer, but quickly changed hands to grab the bottle, but not quick or subtle enough for Brian to notice, he frowned, "What's up with your hand?"

"Nothing", Justin's answer was too quick so he sighed and told him the truth, "Okay...it's playing up...it's okay, it does this"

Brian sat back down and took Justin's hand into his and looked into his eyes, "and apart from that, you feel okay? You wouldn't lie to me now..."

"Brian I feel fine...don't worry about me...I'm fine"

Justin added a grin to end his sentence to relax the situation.

Brian hinted a nod, "just as long if that's the truth"

Justin grinned again, "It is...so...this car...where are we hiring gonna it...?"

OXO


	14. POOR LITTLE JUSTIN, DRAMA QUEEN

14/20

AUGUST '06

Jennifer had just got back from taking Molly to Craig's place, when she heard the car pull up outside. She peered out of the window and saw that it was Justin and Brian climbing out of a Hertz hire car.  
She came flying out of the front door and immediately choked Justin with a tight hug.

"Ohhh Justin! Thank God!"

Justin nearly died of embarrassment as he squirmed out of the embrace, "Mom! It's okay...you don't have to keep doing that every-time I go away"  
"Doing what?"

"Hug to death"

Jennifer defended herself, "I was so worried...why did your flight get cancelled? Couldn't you get on another?"  
Brian came up to them waving a hand and shook his head, "Blame me, I apologize...It's my fault, I decided we would go on a little road-trip"  
Justin was grinning as he hung off Brian, "Which I enjoyed it!"

Brian smiled back and met him with a kiss, "Mmmm ohhh yeahhh...especially last night when we jumped in the back of the car and....."

Jennifer politely coughed to stop anything more being said about that. Brian got the hint, "I'll just go grab your bags"  
Jennifer watched Brian go back to the car and open up the trunk. She cupped her son's face, "Honey, you've got dark rings around your eyes and look exhausted"  
Justin had to agree with that, "I am a bit...I might go and grab a few hours sleep"

Brian drops Justin's bags in the porch and tugs his boyfriends hand as he rounded to go, "Night night sunshine"  
Justin let himself be pulled into a hug and Brian held him for a few seconds. Jennifer watched as he then pulled away and kissed him and watched him walk tiredly to the bedroom.

"Thank you", she said with a sincere smile.  
"All apart of the service...he's tired...come to think of it so am I"  
Jennifer strolled with him down the walk to the car, "I mean it, thank you for taking Justin away...he ALWAYS wanted to go to Disney World, in fact he used to drive us mad, I can see he's had a great time"  
Brian smiled at her as he turned at the car, "We both did", he breathed.  
Jennifer became more serious in tone, "But, in-between all the great times, did you manage to talk to him about his condition?"  
Brian shrugged her off as he opened the car door, "Of course, we talked", he yawned for effect to get going.  
"This is serious Brian...he is only going to get worse, he may look alright now...he's going to need our support"  
"And he'll get it", Brian hissed.

Brian jumped into the drivers seat, but Jennifer had hold of the door before he could shut it, "And what happens when he DOES get any worse? Are you going to be so supportive then?"  
Brian looked at her, his eyes unsure, "Of course...."  
"You look like you have your doubts to me..."  
Brian shook his head, his mind in a whirl, "I DON'T KNOW JENNIFER!", he lowered his voice, "....I haven't thought of that far ahead...honestly, I have no idea what to think about all of this, and that, is the god damned truth"  
Jennifer swallowed, "Brian....if you have your doubts, you must TELL HIM...he deserves the truth"  
"Don't you think I don't know that? I'm confused...I watch him and he seems like he always does....but at the same time I can't even imagine,WANT to imagine him getting worse...I ask myself, Brian can you handle this? I don't know if I can...."  
Jennifer stood back as Brian closed the car door and drove off. She sighed and looked up to see Justin at the top window looking down to her, then he pulled down the blind.

QAF

Later, in the park Justin and Daphne strolled in the late August throws of summer sun, "...and then I'm heading out to LA", finished Daphne with her plans.  
"UCLA Huh? Good for you Daph"  
Daphne tugged at his sleeve, "Hey, we still have to make time for us to go out, you've been back for a few weeks now and we haven't done so yet"  
Justin nodded, "Course...I'm make time"  
"Did you have a good trip? Disney World, Huh? I'm So jealous, I wish I could've of come!"  
Justin laughed as they reached the gates of the park, "I'm sure Brian would have LOVED that"

They walked up the street for a few minutes without a word spoken, until Daphne broke it.  
"Justin...I still don't get why you left New York...crikey, I KNOW where I would wanna be...the brights lights of the big apple or here in plain old Pittsburgh..."  
Justin skirted around the truth again, "I just wanted to come back...it didn't work out....I hated where I was renting...the people were horrible...So I came back"  
Daphne still wasn't sure if that was the truth or not, but nodded, "I'm sure you'll tell me what ever it is one day...the TRUTH I mean"  
She walked on ahead, leaving Justin realizing how long he could hide it from not just Daphne, but everyone....."

QAF

Brian had his feet up on the desk in his office at the agency. Cynthia was clutching a folder in the doorway, "Disney World huh? You and a theme park don't seem to be a match if you don't mind me saying..."  
Brian shrugged, "Needs must...and for your information...I had an unexpected astounding time"  
Cynthia turned her head to see Michael approaching, "You have a visitor, I'll hold your call for five"  
Brian straightened up and pulled his suit jacket into line and adjusted his tie. Michael stood there looking at him in the office doorway.

"Mikey?! Where did you spring from"  
"I was just passing....well...I came to see you a few days ago and they told me you were away"  
Brian shook his head and laughed, "Yeah I was....I was in sunny Florida"  
Michael frowned, "On your own?"  
Brian shook his head, "WITH Justin...what's with the interrogation?"  
Michael was defensive, "I'm not...I only came to see you about what happened last week at the club....you hitting that guy and then they go and arrest you...and then I sense something is wrong with Justin because of the way you act..."

Brian started to fiddle with the stapler on his desk and then ruffled some files like he was looking for something, "You sense something wrong with Justin? Is that with your super human sensory powers of Zephlon? Actually Mikey, I am rather busy here...I have a meeting after meeting and then I need to...."  
Michael approached the desk and leaned in on Brian, "Your diary is clear...I checked...you are free for lunch, with me...so lets go" Brian stood up and Michael lead the way to the exit, "...and then you can tell me what the fucks really going on...."

QAF

Justin didn't really want to go home and have his mother fuss over him. So he agreed to go to a burger bar and eat with Daphne and her boyfriend Jake.  
Now Jake was hot. Hotter than Justin imagined he would be because Daphne hadn't had that much luck on the guy front in the past..and it was kind of amusing for Justin that Jake was like him, blonde.  
"So you'll a football jock", said Justin munching through his burger.

"Yeap...played in the top league at college and now I am looking at a career in it", told Jake glancing at Daphne as he spoke.  
"But, we won't see each other, your team trials are in Chicago, while I'm all the way in LA"  
Justin shrugged as he licked his finger clean from the ketchup, "It kinda worked for me and Brian, he was stuck in in Pittsburgh and I was in New York"  
Daphne tried to be optimistic, "Yeahhhh...I guess"  
Jake pulled his girlfriend closer to him, "We'll make it work babe...I promise we will"

Daphne laughed, "Hey, Brian used to play football at High school, you and him should talk"  
Justin laughed back, "From what I can gather, I don't think he really enjoyed it...it was all for show...look, I've gotta head off....thanks for lunch and good to meet you Jake"

"likewise"

Justin then walked away and Daphne accompanied him to the exit, "I'll call you before I leave for LA and we should TRY and go out"  
Justin hugged her and with a nod and parting smile he left the burger joint.

QAF

The restaurant was not too busy even with the lunch-time rush. Brian and Michael sat at a table near the window. Michael was dumbfounded of what Brian had just told him.  
"He's got what?"  
"Motor Neuron's Disease", said Brian again, he was moving his food across the plate with his fork because he really didn't have any appetite for it.  
"Oh my God...that's...I mean...that's really bad isn't it?"

Brian blew out a laugh as he made eye contact, "Yes Mikey...it's as bad as it gets...in-fact, it makes my small case of cancer look like the common cold"  
Michael understood now about the other night at the club, "That's WHY you went for that guy...so....does Justin....."  
Brian tilted his head, "Still what Mikey? Still blow me? Still let me fuck his brains out? Is that what you want to know...."

Michael managed to get a word in edge wise, "....what I meant was, can Justin still be an artist, I mean, what I've hard about Motor neurons is that it's pretty much game over...."  
Brian stared back at his friend in what only could be described as contempt, "Thank you for that revelation Mikey! I can always count on you looking at the bright side of life, huh"  
Michael realised this wasn't where he wanted the conversation to go and stuttered a come back, "Oh I mean...what I meant was..."

Brian chucked his napkin into his unfinished meal and scraped his chair back to get up, "I've gotta get back to work"  
Michael stood and grabbed his friend by the shoulder as he turned to leave the restaurant, "Brian wait...I didn't mean to piss you...but you've got to admit, this isn't exactly gonna be a pic-nic in the park for you"  
Brian laughed at him, "Ohhh you just get better, don't you?"  
Micheal tried to stop him leaving, "Look stay, you've haven't finished your lunch and you must still be hungry"  
"Go to hell"  
Michael chased Brian to the exit where the waiter realized that nobody had actually settled the check and was drawing attention to other guests.  
"Brian what the fuck? Why are you taking this out on ME for?!", he hissed.

Brian finally turned and spoke loudly to make sure he understood, "Because look at you with your perfect partner and your perfect house and your perfect family...I TOLD YOU...it wan't for me....I told everybody....it wasn't for me, and now I know why....because look what's happened, because believe it or not Mikey, we are all not as lucky as you to have a happy ever after...", and with a swing of the door he was off up the street, his tie catching a gust of wind doing so.  
Michael sighed and turned and saw the waiter and now the manager in toe, approaching him, he shook his head, "Ohhhh Relax...", he put bluntly and pulled out his wallet.

QAF

Brian entered his apartment and slid the door shut. He threw off his jacket and loosened his tie and turned to see Justin sitting on the couch.  
"Hey"  
Justin turned and with the remote control, switched the TV off, "Hey"  
Brian approached and leaned down and met him for a kiss on the lips, "So...what are you doing here?", he wondered, but trying not to make it sound too obvious.

Justin blew out a laugh, "I am trying to stall going back to mothers...I can't be done with her fussing over me"  
Brian shrugged as he fixed himself a scotch at the counter, he poured a generous measure into a tumbler, "She's just worried about you, why not you try and cut her some slack, huh?"  
Justin understood all that. But he'd rather be here.  
"I was kinda hoping I'd get an invite here....", he trailed off with a teasing tone.  
Brian looked up and pulled a puzzled look, tumbler to his lips.  
Justin laughed and he got up from the couch and went into the bedroom and then went over to the chest of drawers and pulled a drawer out. Justin looked across to Brian and raised his eyebrowes three times and had the biggest grin.

Brian, realizing exactly what the significance of that meant, downed his drink and then pulled himself another and went over to the drawer and closed it with a nod.  
"No...", asked Justin looking somewhat shocked and grin firmly passing  
Brian placed the drink down and placed his hands loosely around Justin's shoulders, "I don't think I'm kinder ready to play nursemaid yet...."  
Justin met his eyes,"Nursemaid? I'm not THAT BAD....not yet"

"I'm not saying you are"  
Justin was getting agitated, "Oh but you are scared with the fact I'm going to...well, I can see the truth is coming out now"  
Brian shook his head, "stop being a jerk and just listen to me for one minute"  
Justin was all dramatic, "What, so you can spill out all your reason's for WHY you can't be with me...don't fucking bother....", he started to grab some random items that were his, "....I'll just get the hell out of here and make room for the next FUCK you invite over, huh"  
Brian rolled his eyes as Justin ranted on.  
"That's fine...at least I know what you and Mom were talking about when we got back from Florida...I bet she knew what you were thinking and told you so...I thought you drove off too quickly"  
"Jesus...this is just like you"  
"Yes it is...POOR LITTLE JUSTIN, DRAMA QUEEN"

"You said it boyo"

Justin made for the door, "Well I'm going...have a nice life you cunt...why couldn't you just be fucking honest with me"  
Brian watched him slide the door open, "Justin if you just let me.......", Justin slammed it shut in his face.

"FUCK!"

He then threw his tumbler to the wall where it splintered off in all directions, "FUCKING HELL JUSTIN...DON'T YOU EVER STAY AND LISTEN?!!"  
And he sat on the couch with his head in his hands in frustration.

OXO


	15. It's me who'll have to watch you crash and burn

15/20

AUGUST/SEPTEMBER 2006

Debbie knew the drill. Brian had not been his annoying self for a few days and now he wanted to meet and talk.  
The bar on the corner was pretty much dead. In-fact, apart from a couple of guys kissing on a nearby couch, it was only her and Brian at up at the bar nursing their drinks.  
"So...what's all this about", Debbie asked stirring her drink and looking at him.  
Brian rolled the tumbler of scotch in his grasp and met her look, "has Michael not told you...I thought he told you everything"  
Deb raised her eyebrows unaware of what he was going on about, "told me what? You and him fallen out again?"  
"About Justin...."

Debbie shook her head, realizing now, "Ohhh he told me he was sick...but I gathered that myself the other day when I saw Jennifer looking upset"  
Brian loosened his tie, "He is....sick, I mean"  
"How sick?"  
Brian couldn't utter the words but Debbie saw by his expression that it was overshadowing something pointing towards serious.

"Oh my God...it is serious isn't it? What's wrong with him...Brian tell me, Justin means a lot to me and the very thought of him going through....it's not cancer is it?"  
Brian shook his head, "No it's NOT cancer. But it is as bad as it gets and it's something that he should tell you, I shouldn't of even told Michael and I am somewhat gobsmacked he hasn't gone and shot his mouth off to you"  
Debbie felt cold. A shudder to think little Justin was ill with something mighty bad. She reached out and grabbed his wrist, "So why the HELL are you in here talking to me in this crummy joint, when you should be out comforting him"  
Brian looked amused in the wrong sense, "Because just like him, when things get rough, he broke up with me"  
"and the reason being?"  
Brian shrugged, "He says he thinks I can't handle things"

This was not news for Debbie, she leaned in and smiled, "look, I hate to pour a dampener on things, but you had trouble handling things before, in=fact it took a great almighty bomb blast to skyrocket the sense to your brain the last time...if Justin is as sick as you say he is, then he's gonna need total commitment...", she placed her hand over his on the bar top, "....and only YOU can decide if you are able to do that"

Brian nodded.

"So what are you waiting for? Why not get your head out of your ass and go put things right"  
Brian blew out a laugh and looked at her and then the other way.

QAF

There was a distinctive chill in the early morning air as Justin jogged through the park kicking dry crispy leaves around as he pounded the grass.  
He was plugged into his music and waved to people he knew along the way. Once out the park he ran up the street and across the road at the crosswalk. Next he was down a back ally dodging the overfilled dumpsters and onto the next street past Liberty diner and all the way up liberty Avenue looking up at the rows of rainbow flags.

He deliberately avoided going passed Brian's building and took the next turning that took him to the traffic light 4 way and across another crosswalk to his mothers block.  
As he approached his mothers place, he stopped and leaned on the fense catching his breath back. He jumped on the spot and gripped his hands and rubbed his legs down.  
Jennifer was at that moment heading towards her car on the drive. She waved in the low morning glare. Justin switched off his music and removed his ear-plugg-in's.  
"Hi honey, you're up early again"

"You know how my exercise regime is now"

Jennifer leaned on the open car door, "Does it really help?"

Justin drank some water from his Nike sports bottle, "I feel like it gets my muscles working hard, I hope it's helping"  
Jennifer got into the car and turned to him before shutting the door, "I'm just collecting Molly from your fathers place, I can't believe the Summer holidays are nearly over"  
Justin laughed and wiped the sweat from his brow, "It'll be great to see her...I still have to give her those Mickey Mouse ears I got her "  
"Rather you than me, when I told her you've been to Disney World she never stopped whining the fact why YOU get to go to Disney World and not her....anyway, I'll catch you later, oh and remember you've got your scan on Friday"

Justin sighed as she closed the door, "How can I NOT forget"  
Jennifer fired up the engine, waved and pulled away up the street in the SUV.

QAF

Debbie was mopping up a customers vomit off the floor at Liberty Diner as she told Michael that she had met Brian for a drink.  
"Maybe it's for the best...", put in Michael, "....I mean, Brian had trouble of commitment the last time, remember"

Debbie leaned on the mop looking at him trying not to gag on the vomit smell, "and I reminded him of that"  
Michael hinted a smile from where he sat with a big generous portion of cake, "He'd be better off...I've seen what state Brian gets in when he's hurt and however much he tries to hide it, I ALWAYS know"  
Debbie sprayed some air refreshener around the joint, "That's HIS decision to make, honey"

Michael spoke with his mouth full, "He NEEDS to stay away...AND...believe it or not, I'm thinking about here Justin too...He'll get hurt as well"  
Debbie dumped the mop and pale in the cleaners closet and locked it up, "you sure it's Justin you are thinking about? Or is it YOU assured to rest easy because Brian only loves you?"  
Michael pulled a face, "Mommm"  
"I KNOW you still harbor those feelings for him....."  
"Has Ben been talking to you?"  
Debbie was now opposite him at the counter next to the cash register, "I'm just saying concentate on your own relationship and NOT interfere with Brian's..."

QAF

Justin sat at his computer typing away a reply at his Moms' place. There was a knock on the door.  
"IT'S OPEN..." yelled Justin.  
He continued to read a reply on screen when he was aware of someone creeping behind him and then his eyes were covered over by a pair of hands.  
"Guess who?"  
Justin twisted around and looked up, "Brian...What are YOU doing here? Didn't you listen to a word I fucking said the other day?"

Brian fiddled with his tie and shrugged, "I listened...I thought about it...and now YOU can listen to me"  
In drama queen mode, Justin was off out of the swival chair and was waving his hand in the air, "What is there left to talk about!"  
Brian stuck his hands into the pocket of his pants, "YOU...not listening to ME...and YOU not bothering to ask how I feel about all of this"  
Justin sighed and met his gaze, "I KNOW how you would feel...you'll feel sorry for me"

Brian found the blondes answer laughable and his facial expression told him as much, "so YOU think that I would only stick around through pity for you"  
Justin had to be sure and his eyes held the concern for trusting him, "wouldn't you...If you were honest?"  
Brian was frustrated that Justin was not listening to him and it revealed itself in his tone of voice, "Why the FUCK would I be calling around here anyway? Justin, give me a break will you! I've shown up today because..I...what I'm TRYING to explain to you is....that all this doesn't make any difference to me"  
Justin could see Brian was a little annoyed.  
"But...you've gotta MEAN IT"

Again the frustration was all over the older man, "I DO!! For fuck sake's Justin, do I have to go down onto bended knee for you?!"  
Justin managed to break into a smile and nodded, "You can if you want"  
Brian's frustration lifted and he chuckled as he scratched his head, "Well, with my knees lately I don't think I'd ever get back up"  
He approached Justin and with his hand cupped sunshine's cheek, "I'm laying it on the line now....Are you gonna let me be with you or not?"  
Justin leaned in and kissed him on the mouth, Brian pulled away and raised his eyebrows in question, "I take it that's a yes"  
Justin was grinning and shaking his head, Brian grabbed him and he sat on the swival chair with the younger guy on his lap. Justin snaked an arm around Brian's neck and they kissed some more.

After pulling away Justin said, "But hey Brian...If you start to struggle with this YOU have to let me know...I NEED total honesty now"  
Brian was smiling at him, "Not just me....that has to go for BOTH of us"  
Justin knew his own dark thoughts and nodded, "Of course, a profound yes"  
"Good"  
They kissed some more but Justin was breaking away and getting to his feet then pulled Brian out of the chair, "Look....I've gotta get on...maybe we can meet later on?"  
Brian nodded, "I'll call you..."

Justin nodded, "hey you were right about me not moving back in...I think I might want to stay here for the moment"  
Brian shook his head, not showing his disappointment, "I can wait"  
Justin sat in the chair to face his computer, "That's settled"  
Brian then stooped and looked over Justin's shoulder to the computer screen, "What exactly is it you're up to?", he chuckled, "....because if it's anything to do with hot guys it's only fair we share..."  
Justin laughed and leaned back in the chair to look at him, "It's JUST a forum I joined a few weeks back. You know, I'm chatting with people like me, who have MND"

Brian shrugged and was lost for words, "Oh...Huh-Huh...is it...I mean, does it help?"  
The blonde tried to remain positive, "Yeah it does..I'm so fed up with reading up on the internet and listening to what the doctors have to say...this is all real life...it's not all textbook"  
Brian straightened up, but Justin playfully grabbed the bottom of Brian's tie and yanked him down again for a goodbye kiss, "I'll catch you later keyboard warrior", the older guy said as he departed Justin's lips.  
Justin rolled his eyes with a smile and watched him leave before turning back to the screen and clicked back on to the forum.

QAF

Later after work, Brian called around to Michael and Ben's to tell them the good news.  
Brian sat up on the kitchen counter with a bottle of beer in his grasp. Michael glanced at Ben then back to Brian with a somewhat puzzled look, "You and HIM...it's back on?"  
Brian shook his head, "Yeah..aren't you not happy for me, Mikey? Because I know how much I've got it so wrong in the past, this times different"  
Michael shrugged, because he was unsure how to react to this news. Ben in turn did smile and raised his bottle of beer to him, "I'm happy for you"  
Brian wasn't really interested in what the boring Professor had to say or his opinions, he didn't he even look at him, his eyes were still focused on Michael, "What about you Mikey? Does he always speak for you?"  
"Well, if you want me to be honest, I think you are heading for trouble"

That wasn't what Brian was expecting, he almost did a taken take at him, "hey, thank you Mikey for the vote of confidence, but I do KNOW what I am doing"  
"Yes but if you feel pressured into....."  
Brian slid off the counter and flew at him, "DON'T TELL ME HOW I SHOULD FEEL! I KNOW HOW I FEEL!"

Ben stepped forward but Brian shot him a back off glare, Michael stood in between the warring bulls.  
"look...I'm JUST worried about you...it's HIM whose gonna have it easy...when he's six foot under, it's ME who'll have to watch you crash and burn"  
Ben felt left out of the conversation, Justin - six foot under?, "Hey,what's all this about?" he asked.  
Brian shot a glare at him, "Just your precious husband trying to tell me how I should run my life"  
Ben shook his head in frustration. Why did his husband have to interfere in Brian's affairs all the time, it was getting to be an obsession.  
"Michael! Leave it", he warned.

Michael turned and waved his hand at him, "I'm just telling him what 'everybody else' is thinking"   
Brian was enlightened, "Oh really? So....why don't you go back to 'everybody' and go tell them from me, to go to hell"  
And with that, he was out the back door and slamming it shut behind him.  
Ben looked at his husband, "You'll NEVER learn will you? I just can't see an end to this...I just give up...what's the use with me putting my all into this relationship when ALL YOU CARE ABOUT...is HIM!"

And Michael watched him disappear up the stairs.  
OAO


	16. What if they say I'm getting worse?

16/20

SEPTEMBER 2006

Justin was pounding the sidewalk in his skin tight blue sports get up. Brian was running as well a little further behind in a matching black get up. As The younger guy made it to his Mothers mail box, the older guy crashed in and leaned forward with his hands over his knees and trying to get his breath.  
Justin felt hot and flushed and he liked the feeling, even now with the colder mornings starting to make themselves know.

He looked at Brian and laughed, "You are not under any obligation to come with me EVERYDAY you know"

Brian straightened up and laughed back at him as he got breath back through the pants, "I want to...it keeps ME fit too"  
Justin frowned at him, "But you belong to a ridiculously expensive gym, why put yourself through this"

Brian guzzled down some water from the sports bottle and then tipped the rest of it over himself, "Because I like being with YOU...AND...I like seeing you get all hot and sweaty in that tight Lycra"  
Justin laughed at him, "Well seeing YOU in Lycra too is such a turn on!", he raised his lips to Brian's mouth and they kissed.  
After pulling away Brian did have one complaint, "...but it beats the hell outta me WHY you have to be up so damned early!"

Justin lead the way down the walk to the front door, "It's because I want to make the most of everyday"

Brian couldn't have hit himself, "Of course you do...WHY do I have to say all the wrong things"  
Justin put the key in the lock and twisted his head round his shoulder and grinned at him, "It's because sometimes you can be a dumb-ass"

Brian matched the grin, "I'll take that from YOU sunshine....if it had been anybody else...."  
Justin had the door open, "Come on, I'm making pancakes for breakfast"  
Brian playfully slapped him on the ass and followed him inside.

QAF

After breakfast, Justin laid back on his bed with his cell phone to his ear talking to Lisa in New York.

"He's having a shower"

"I guess you guys are getting along now?", Lisa guessed.

Justin nods, "I think so...I think he tries to hard...it's funny, he always tries to please me"

Lisa sounded pleased for him, "Boy, I wish I had a guy who'd do that for me"  
"You still single?"  
"Yeah...since me and Jamie broke up, I don't seem to have much chance to meet anybody....but hey, that's me....but what I'm calling you about is that I am coming to Pittsburgh next week for an art expedition"  
Justin scratched his head, "Oh?"

"Yeah - I was wondering whether you'll help out?"  
Justin was pleased to hear that, "Yeah...I mean....yeah, why not"  
"Great, that's just swell, I'll give you a call when I'm in town and we can hook up", suggested Lisa.

Justin nodded and saw Brian standing in the bedroom doorway with a towel around his waist and his wet hair combed back, he smiled at him.  
"Look, I've gotta go...but call me like you said....you too, bye"

Brian leaned on the door frame as Justin ended the call, "Justin, I'm just heading back to my place, I've got some urgent as in can't wait emails to catch up on"  
Justin laughed at him and stood up off the bed, still in all his beautiful naked glory, "then GO DO IT and get outta my hair!"

Brian watched him pull on a pair of sweat pants, he rubbed his cheek, "So...who was that on the phone?"

Justin pulled out a drawer and went through some T shirts, he looked back to Brian over his shoulder looking quite cheeky, "Just a friend in New York...."  
Brian frowned at him, "better not be that Callum creep"

Justin was loving this, "Why...?"  
Brian approached him and made his point, "Because I don't like him, I think he's unbelievably shallow, too damned over confident, vain, think he's all that AND....AND....I've said this all before...", he finished noting Justin was cracking up with laughter.

Justin pulled his T shirt on and went up to Brian and stroked his chin, "Don't worry honey, It was only Lisa, she called to say she's coming to Pittsburgh for an expedition"  
Brian nodded watching him. Secretly it was him who got hold of Lisa the day before to give Justin a much needed booster.  
"She want your help...?"

Justin nodded and watched Brian dry his hair and then dried the rest of himself, "Yeah....wants me to help out at the expedition"

Brian threw the damp towel to the washing basket and smiled at him as he pulled on a pair of tight black boxer shorts and adjusted his cock in them, "That's great....and who knows.....", he began as he pulled on his shirt in the mirror looking at Justin in the reflection, ".....she might even inspire you"

QAF

At the Diner, Debbie watched as Michael threw down his packed holdal bag onto the freshly mopped floor.

"I KNEW this would happen, Ben wasn't going to keep putting up with it, Mikey"

Michael plonked his butt on a stall and told it like he was firmly in the right, "Brian's my friend...my BEST friend...I love him and Ben doesn't understand what he's going through"

Debbie went to a table to take an order then came back to the counter saying, "I saw Jennifer yesterday, she's told me all about Justin and what HE'S going through, he really needs ALL our support right now"  
Michael knew that. But it wasn't Justin he was worried about, "and what about Brian? He won't cope...it's up to me to......"

Debbie pointed her finger at him, her tone harsh, "stay OUT of his business...he won't thank you for interfering you know"  
Michael sighed resorting to that comment, "I know...he's said as much"

Debbie was relieved, "Well there you have it...do as he says and let him handle it in his own way"  
"OKAY! I will"

"Good....", she went off to get ready the order she had just taken. Michael sat up and looked at the holdal and had an idea.

He KNEW Brian more than anybody....and he knew he needed him...sorry mother, but I know Brian's needs better than you.  
He picked up the holdal and before Debbie could look around, he was out the exit and up the street in the wind and the rain before she could yell his name.

QAF

Her rain coat was dripping wet as Jennifer breezed into the hallway at home and shook her umbrella in the porch,"Ohhhh, it's chucking it down out there. Justin? Are you ready? We've got to get to the hospital for your scan"  
Justin was coming down the stairs, "I know I was just getting ready"

His mother looked at him and pulled a frown, "Justin, really? A hoodie top and sweat pants?"  
Justin shrugged, "I wanna feel comfortable"

Jennifer was going through her purse, "right, just seeing whether I've got everything...", then she looked up and suddenly announced, "Is he still here? Upstairs is he?"

Justin frowned.

"Brian...I gather that was him who put the mark on your neck"

Justin looked to the hallway mirror and turned his head and saw the love-bite, he smirked,"Yeah...."  
"well, can we expect him to come along to the scan?"

Justin shook his head, "He's got work to do"

Jennifer handed him an umbrella, "Did you even tell him that you have your scan today?"  
Justin dismissed the subject and slipped into his sneakers, "It's just routine"

Jennifer held the front door open and they made a dash to the car and got in.

The rain nosily hammered on the windscreen, Jennifer started up the engine, "Look, honey, if you two are together again, then you really do need to tell each-other everything...don't be like me and your father"  
That gave Justin food for thought and pulled his cell phone from his pocket, "You're right, I call him...."  
He called Brian, but it went to voicemail, "His cells switched off, I'll try him again when we get to the hospital"

QAF

Debbie was opened mouthed in surprize as Ben told her about about him and Michael.

"He's moved out?"

"Yeah, he packed his stuff this morning after we had a big fight, I thought he came to see you"

Deb shook her head, "Yeah, he was in here this morning, he said you too had a fight...and come to think of it, I should have took more notice of the holdal he had....and there's me thinking he was just going to the launder-mat"

Ben scratched his head, "Look, maybe I should call around to yours after my lectures, talk to him"  
Debbie leaned on the cash register, "Well you'll have a job to...I've just got back from having lunch at mine, no sign of him"

Ben sighed in despair, "that could only mean......."  
Debbie had come to the exact same thought at the same time.  
"He's at Brian's", they said in unison.

QAF

Michael was at Brian's, and Brian was really not that happy to see him, he talked back to him as he went back to his computer terminal, "I'm working from home today, so you better be quick of whatever you have to say"  
Michael dropped his holdal at his feet, "Me and Ben....we had a massive fight...I think it's over between us"

Brian looked at him and narrowed his eyes, "so what the fuck are you running to me for, huh? You should be out talking to him"

Michael slumped in a chair and sighed, "He won't listen to me"

Brian shook his head and sat back putting his pen end to his lips, "hang on....was this fight about me?", Michael averted his eyes and it was as good as a yes, ".....don't make ME the reason for you to end your eternal blissful existence with the professor"

Michael shook his head, "look...all I want is to stay here....JUST for a couple of nights"  
Brian sighed, he really could do with out this, "Errrrrrr..."

Michael jumped up, looking all doe eyed, "Please Brian...I'm SURE Ben will call ME and beg me to come home..."  
Ben rolled his eyeballs and nodded, "HE better do! I'll grab a pillow and a duvet and you can sleep on THAT!, he pointed to the couch as he breezed by.  
"Thank's Brian...I really appreciate it"

Brian stopped and turned and then smiled, "Look....I hate it when we fight...lets just start over, okay"

Michael nodded, "Okay"

Brian came forward, "In-fact, I can probably do this work in the morning...or....I can catch up with it later...we could go out for a drink"  
Michael was pleased, "Yeah.....that'll be great, just like old times"

"I'll just go and grab your bedding", Brian went off to the closet. At that instant, while Michael sat and was smiling and pleased about an afternoon out with his best pal, Brian's cell went off.  
It was on the arm of the couch and he craned his head and saw that it was JUSTIN calling...

Quick as a flash and not really thinking, Michael grabbed it off the arm and turned the cell phone OFF.

He then saw the pile of folders on his desk and slipped the cell in-between the bottom two folders and jumped back to the couch.  
Brian then came and dumped the bedding on the couch, "there...I'll let YOU make it"

Michael stood and puffed up the pillow, "Thanks..."

"But two nights tops Mikey, or I'll drag the professor over here myself to get rid of you"  
Michael shook his head.

Brian went back to his desk and sat down at the computer, "Look...I just need to finish this email and then I'll take you out"  
As Brian typed away, Michael was eyeing up the files and felt bad.

QAF

At Neurology in the hospital, Justin switched off his cell, "I left a voicemail...but he hasn't responded yet"

Jennifer shrugged from where they sat on plastic seats in the corridor, "Maybe he switched his cellphone off"  
Justin frowned and waved a hand in question, "Seriously? Who does that?"

Jennifer laughed at him, "You do!"

Justin laughed and then sighed, "Maybe it's for the best he isn't here...I don't want him to see me in there"

Jennifer reached out and clutched his hand, "Don't worry honey, I'm here"  
Justin licked lips in thought, "What if they say I'm getting worse?"  
Jennifer looked at him and rolled up her magazine, "Do you feel any worse?"  
He shook his head no.

"Well then"

Justin looked to the clinically white wall ahead of him, "It still doesn't help me think about what they might say...that's when I wish Brian was here to hold my hand"

Jennifer wished she could make it all okay, but she couldn't. She was his Mom, but she felt powerless to do anything for him. All she could do was kiss his forehead and held her head against his as they waited to be called my the Neurologist.

QAF

At the loft apartment Brian was looking high and low for something. Michael sat on the couch and watched him, then waved out a hand, "What is it?"  
Brian was really confused, "have you seen my cell?"

Michael looked to the folders, "No"

Brian stood with his hands loosely on his hips for a moment, then he seemed to have an eureka moment and flicked his fingers, "I bet I've gone and left it on the seat of the car....", he grabs his keys of the counter, "...won't be a sec"

Michael watched the door slide shut then went up to Brian's desk and retrieved the cellphone. He switched it on and then listened to the message.

"Hi It's me...I forgot to say earlier, but I'm having my routine scan at 3. I would like you to be there if you can make it...call me when you get this....kiss kiss"

Michael sighed in guilt. His thumb hovered over the delete button. He scratched his head and paced about looking at the cell, routine Justin had said, can't be that important, he and Ben had just had a big fight, he was in need of Brian's company more than a scan that was just ROUTINE.

He could hear Brian returning.

Too late to decide....he pressed delete and returned the phone to the desk.

OXO


	17. It's been great catching up with you

17/20

OCTOBER 2006

It was a gloriously crisp and sunny morning. Brian and Michael walked down the street towards Brian's car.  
"So are you gonna talk to Ben today?"  
Michael hovered on the curb watching Brian spray de-icer on the wind-shield and shrugged, "I tried to call him, but he refuses to answer"

Brian opened the drivers door and chucked his works folders onto the back seat, "Maybe it's better if you go see him face to face"  
Michael pulled a non-committed shrug again, "If I call him to arrange to meet...then he won't answer"  
"Then just GO SEE HIM!"

Michael stuck his hands into his pockets, "Look, can we meet for lunch? If I do go see him, I can practice on you"  
Brian shook his head, "No way Mikey, I have to go meet Justin at 12...I'm taking him and his friend from New York for a bite to eat and I don't wanna mess this up because he's still pissed at me"  
"For you missing his scan? It was only routine wasn't it?"

Brian frowned, "How do you know?"  
Michael cleared his throat, "You told me...look....HE said he left YOU a message....it's NOT your fault you didn't get it"  
Brian sighed feeling bad, "I should've been there for him...HE says it's okay, but I can see he's pissed at me"

"He probably sent the message to somebody else, huh? You know, you said he's having trouble co-ordinating his fingers and that"  
"Maybe you're right....I'll catch you later"

Brian jumped into the car and drove off. Michael scratched his head and strolled off back to the Brian's apartment where he was still sleeping on the couch. He did feel quilty...but there was no real harm done, was there?

QAF

Justin studied the art on the walls of the community center that was set up for a three day art expedition, and glanced at Lisa who was eager for his opinion.  
"This work is great...you've changed your style"  
Lisa broke into a smile as she stood there looking relieved, "Do you think it's better?"

Justin walked over to the nearest piece depicting an oceanic scene with vibrant colors, and pointed, "There's a distinct improvement in the shades, they blend in more"  
Lisa laughed as she came to his side, "I learned that trick from you"

Justin shrugged his shoulders and looked at her, "I'm glad to be of use"  
Lisa watched him move along and take a good look at other pieces, one particular piece of art work was leaning against the wall and he picked it up and studied it. It was of the statue of Liberty during a raging winter storm.  
"Have YOU given up completely?"

Justin put the painting back down and sighed as he did a loop around the room, "Hah-hah, my fingers won't steady the brushes...and I have trouble with the computerized art as well"  
Lisa didn't like the sound of that, this was all such a waste, "Have you even tried?"  
Justin shrugged at her as he approached her, "No...it's pointless"

Lisa licked her lips, "look...when we get back to your place, try to drawer something...humor me"  
Justin knew she was only just going to go on and on at him if he didn't say yes, "Okay! I'll try something....THEN....you can see how much of a fucked up of an artist I've become"

QAF

When they got back, Justin went into the spare bedroom where his old easel stood with rolls of canvas lining about the floor. Lisa was in the door way, "Come on...lets see what you've got"  
Justin reached for a piece of charcoal and then stood up at the easel and looked at her, she gave him a encouraging smile and then he started to drawer something. It was hard to keep grip of the charcoal and it kept on falling to the carpet.

In the end, Justin managed a simple landscape scene. It was of one of the bridges over the Ohio river.  
"There....", muttered Justin in a finishing tone.  
Lisa breezed forward and nodded, "Yeah...that's not too bad"

Justin looked at his handy-work again and managed a half smile, "Considering my erratic hand, I suppose it's not that bad, huh?"  
Lisa was upbeat with him, "Hey, it's not one of your best pieces, but IT IS ONLY your first attempt"

They both turned when they heard Brian come up the stairs and stand in the doorway, "hey..what's going on? You two ready for lunch?"  
Justin laughed, "Lisa's trying to get me to drawer"  
Brian looked at her approvingly, "That's great.. I'm glad he's listening to somebody...we've ALL told him"  
Lisa nodded towards the picture on the easel, "and this is his first masterpiece"

Brian approached the piece and tilted his head from side to side and chuckled light heartedly, "okay...so what's it meant to be?"  
Justin's face changed as he became down beat, "Its' FUCKED UP that's what it's meant to be!", he then stormed out and went down the stairs. Brian went to chase after him, "Hey Justin! I didn't mean that, hey...."  
Lisa tugged at his sleeve as to not to pursue, "Leave him"

Brian shook his head confused, "He's been pissed at me for a couple of weeks - he THINKS I deliberately missed a scan at the hospital, but the truth of the fact is, I never got the message"  
Lisa shrugged, "well...given his fingers and all, I guess he must of sent it to somebody else and thought he sent it to you"  
Brian breathed a sigh and scratched his head, "That's what Michael said...", he looked at her, "....sorry, that's a friend of mine"  
"The one into comic books?"  
Brian laughed, "yeah...Justin told you about him?"  
Lisa laughed, "not much"

Brian lowered his voice to her, "hey, thanks for doing this, I was at my wits end and so was his mother....how long can you stick around for?"  
"I fly back to New York on Friday, I have to be in San Francisco next Monday for an art fair"  
Brian nodded taking another look at Justin's work, "He has still got it, hasn't he...."  
Lisa came to his side, "Look, I want to run something past you"

She reaches into her bag and hands Brian some rolled up documents, he frowns, "What's this?", he takes a glance and looks up, "You want to donate fifty percent of your proceeds of anything sold to MND research?"  
Lisa nodded, "Yeah...and I want sponsors too...there just isn't enough research grants going around to find a way to cure it..."  
"He says there is no cure"

"No there isn't...and again, that's down to not enough medical research...we need fund raisers and charity events in the name of MND to kick-start some grants....BUT... that'll take a great deal of advertisement"  
Brian formed a smile, "and that's ME...Okay....I think I might be able to call in a few favors...but for something like this, for ANYTHING like this, you'd need a quick memorable slogan or nobody will bother to take notice"  
Lisa agreed and shrugged, "Well...it's got to be straight to the point, if we are gonna raise money to find a cure..."  
Brian formed a smile again and looked at her, "FIND-A-CURE", he held his hand up and as if it was a slogan up in lights, "yeah....that'll work...leave it to me...."

QAF

That evening at the loft apartment, Justin sat at the computer on his MND forum. Brian loosened his tie talking, "and then I got on to some of my biggest clients to see if they were interested in raising money for such worth while cause"  
Justin nodded and rested his chin on his hand staring at the screen. Brian fixed himself a drink, "...it was Lisa's idea really, but it was my idea get it out there in the yonder so people are aware"

Justin finally turned the chair and shrugged, "It sounds great...they talk about it on the forum all the time that there is a lack of money for research in a cure"  
Brian downed his drink and approached him, "Hey you still pissed at me about earlier with your drawing? I didn't mean to sound mean or anything...."

Justin waved a hand to dismiss it, "No it's not that"  
Brian got on to his knees and looked up to him in the chair, "then what? The scan? I said I would have been there if I had known about it already, I swear"  
"I guess"

Brian's gaze captured Justin's blue eyes, "then you forgive me?"  
"I suppose so"

Brian tilted his head, "Just suppose?"

Justin cracked a smile and leaned down and met him for a kiss on the lips. Brian pulled away, "I guess that's a yes then?"

Justin slid his butt of the chair and joined Brian kneeing on the floor. They stared into each-others eyes and then leaned in and kissed some more, Brian lost the tie and ripped off his work shirt and started to kiss Justin with more heated passion.

Justin meanwhile had his hand down Brian's suit pants and was grabbing hold of the hardness.  
Brian loosed the belt and pulled the zipper to give Justin's hand more room to give the hard cock some rhythm.  
"Ohhhh FUCK!"

Justin greedily manouvered his mouth in line with Brian's cock as it bulged out the pee hole of his boxer-shorts and started to suck him off.  
"Ohhh yeah!", breathed Brian as he closed his eyes in sheer pleasure.

As Justin's head bobbed up and down getting the most out of the shaft, Brian's ears heard the turn of the key and the door start to slide aside.  
"Oh you've gotta be fucking kidding me!"

He turned and saw Michael standing there open mouthed with a bag of groceries.  
Justin stopped as Brian pulled his cock in and hurriedly pulled up his pants as he stood up, "Nice timing bozo"  
Michael was all apologetic, "Sorry...I didn't know he would be here"

Justin stood up and went and grabbed his bag, "I was just going actually"

Michael placed the bag of groceries onto the counter, "I've got a stake in for me and Brian, I suppose you can join us"  
Justin smirked to himself as if HE was the guest here, but didn't rise to it and just waved a hand, "That's okay...I'm meeting Lisa for a bite to eat at that new place"  
He looked at Brian who dug into his pocket and handed Justin 50 bucks.

Justin kissed him on the cheek as he looped his bag over his head, "I'll call you tomorrow"  
"You do that...enjoy your meal"

"You enjoy yours....", the blonde said as Justin looked at Michael whose head was in the bottom closet of the kitchen and then exited the door.  
Brian did up his belt and pulled on his shirt, "It's unfathomable isn't it"  
"What is", asked Michael as he peeled the vegetables.

"You...coming in at the wrong time...it' as if you KNEW what we'd be doing"

Michael laughed, "I didn't know...and I'm sorry I interrupted...but I'm sure you and him will have plenty of time tomorrow to get your rocks off"  
Brian glanced at him scraping the carrots and grimaced as he saw the peelings on the clean floor, he then reached for the remote and jumped onto the couch.

QAF

"You're going out where?"  
Justin came down the stairs and slipped on his sneakers, "just for a meal and then to Woodies..with Lisa..."  
Jennifer nodded, "look...the doctors said there doesn't seem to be any serious deterioration, but I still don't want you tiring yourself out...these early morning runs doesn't help your tiredness"

Justin disagreed, "No they help...I KNOW they do...I really think that's it's that that's keeping my muscles in check"

Jennifer nodded, "Okay...well, I suppose I've got a lot on helping Molly with her homework...just don't be TOO late home...please?"

Justin shook his head and gave her a hug, a kiss and was out the front door pulling on his thick coat and scarf, "Catch you later"  
Jennifer watched him stroll down the walk in the evening chill and then closed the door.

QAF

Michael was still at Brian's with his feet up on the couch on the phone, "Okay Mom...Yeah, well text me if he does...that's just him trying to get his own back....call you tomorrow, bye"  
Brian poured himself a drink and came over in a pair jeans and nothing else, "so...what did she have to say....?"

Michael looked annoyed, "You know what? Ben took Jenny Rebecca around to Mom's and he didn't even call me! He's totally being an asshole!"  
Brian rolled his eyes as he lit up a smoke, "Have you even TRIED calling him?"

Michael shook his head and got up to fix himself a drink, Brian shook his head in bewilderment, "Mikey, it's a been a couple of weeks already, what the hell are you afraid of, huh?"  
Michael was honest, "of HIM breaking up with ME"

Brian decided to be more encouraging, "call him...tell him to stop by around here and talk....you've got the place to yourself tomorrow night, you can cook him a nice stake, or reheat the one I didn't eat"  
Michael frowned, "Where are YOU gonna be?"

Brian sat back and smoked his cigarette, "I'm gonna be staying over at Justin's if it's got anything to do with you"

Michael plonked himself down on the couch with his drink, "What again? Do you get off at sleeping in his childhood room or something? Shit, that's fucked up"  
Brian looked annoyed at him, "What's got into you? STOP treating Justin like he's the enemy, Christ, I know you and him haven't always got on, but you two were okay with each-other when he left for New York..."  
"He's ALL you talk about", he whined.

Brian stubbed out the cigarette and stood up, "Call your husband and arrange that meet...I'm gonna take a shower and then I going to bed, I have to meet Justin for a run in the morning...I think you'll a little screwed up at the moment, you need to sort your head out"  
Micheal shot a glance his way as Brian walked off, "Not just me"

QAF

At Woodies it was retro night, Justin was sat up at the bar with Lisa having cocktails and listening to a retro tune.  
.  
"It's a shame you have to go back on Friday, it's been hardly anytime at all"

Lisa laughed, "it's been great catching up with you"

Justin stirred his cocktail with his straw, "well...good luck with the fair in San Francisco"  
"Thanks hun...hey, did Brian tell you about what I'm doing?"

Justin shook his head as the bar attendant winked at him, "yeah he told me...it sounds great"  
Lisa was excited, "it is...he's trying to get his clients to part with some of their money to invest into research"  
Justin looked at her doubtful, "They won't...well, not ALL of them"

Lisa wasn't going to be put off, "that's where charity fund raisers play their part...Find a Cure...that'll be the slogan on everybody's lips"  
Justin mulled it over, "do you think that people will even listen?"

Lisa grabbed his hand and squeezed it, "they WILL...that's where YOU can help...get onto this forum and see what they can bring to the table...this campaign is gonna be big...and with your Brian on board, he'll MAKE it happen"

A guy in tight jeans blew him a kiss. Justin rolled his eyes because he was used to it. He still wasn't totally convinced that this was going to work...

But he was gonna give it one hell of a go.

OXO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Tune at the bar NEW ORDER: FAITH.
> 
> Again thank you for all your nice comments and sending Kudos. THANK YOU for reading x


	18. I was thinking more of YOU running a marathon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay.

NOVEMBER 2006

At the Hospital, Justin sat in the chair looking at the Neurologist giving him his latest assessment of his condition.

"I am happy to report that there's no real change, I don't need to see you until February...of course if you do experience significant deterioration by then, come back and make an appointment, but that's it for this year"

Pleased with the news, Justin and stood up and shook the consultants hand then pulled on his winter coat and scarf that had been hanging over the back of the chair, "Thank you"

"So whatever you are doing...keep it up", the consultant added.  
Justin shook his head and smiled, "Thanks, I will"

The Neurologist came from behind his desk and opened the door for him, "I see you are the face of this new campaign that's popping up around the country...Find a Cure"

Justin laughed, because he didn't think the medic would have known, "You've noticed?"

"Yes...well done...make enough noise and something will have to give"

Justin shook the man's hand again, "I hope so", he then strolled off up the corridor to carry on his day.

QAF

When Justin got home to the loft, Brian was coming to the door to meet him, "Hey...what did they say? I am hoping it's good news because you never called me"

Justin loosened his scarf and pulled it off, "No real change"

Brian broke into a pleased smile and tilted his head, "What can I say, that's wonderful news"

Justin hung up his coat and then took more notice of what Brian was actually wearing, "I'm pleased...so...why have you got that stupid apron on for?", Justin sniffs catching the scent of, "...hey, what's that burning?"

Brian quickly went to the oven to check on his handy-work, "I'm making dinner"

Justin pulled a face and frowned in high amusment, "What? YOU are cooking?"

Brian nodded his head, as he closed up the oven door after a cloud of smoke was wafted out the way, ""errrr yeah...seeing you've moved back in, I thought I would make the effort...I can gladly report that the roast chicken is nearly done...and cremated", he said, with the cremated part at only a mutter more to himself.

Justin laughed and leaned on the kitchen counter, "Brian Kinney - the masterchef - who would of believed it?"

Brian rounded the counter and pulled Justin into a clinch gazing down at him, "What can I say, there is no end to my talents Mr Taylor, so go and freshen up because I will be serving it up in 5"

"I think you should lose the cheesy six pack apron, it's not a good look...and I'll take 10 if that's alright, takes me longer to wash now with my dodgy hands"

Brian looped the apron off himself and chucked it into the trash, as Justin made for the bathroom, "take your time...", Justin closed the bathroom door, "...while I find a crow bar to prize it out from the bottom of the oven"

QAF

Brian lit the candles on the table as Justin came back smelling all fresh. The older man pulled out a chair looping the napkin around his lower arm, "take a seat sir"

Justin grinned and sat down, then watched as Brian went and got the plate, and then placed it down in front of him. A dog's dinner came to mind, but Justin clutched the fork the best he could and shovelled some chicken into his mouth.

Brian awaited, hanging on in anticipation, "So...what's the verdict?"

Justin found himself chewing non stop and trying to smile, he saw that Brian was pouring the wine so he shakily grabbed the glass, some of it spilling down himself and guzzled a few mouthfuls and swallowed.

"Mmmm...yeah...it''s not that bad...not bad at all"

Brian looked at him because he knew the truth, "Liar...It's drier than an old dykes pussy...in-fact if I was to throw it up against that wall, it would bounce off so hard it'll end up landing in fucking Texas"

Justin pulled a face, "an old dykes pussy?...yuck"

Brian sat down, and made for the wine, "You said it kiddo...", he then broke into a smile and looked at him, "...wanna go get a Chinese?"

QAF

Later, Justin was sitting in bed in only his boxer shorts and with the lap top at hand, he was reading up on his forum page. Completely naked, Brian cut himself up an apple and with the knife, took a segment and popped it into his mouth and chewed as he watched the CNN news on the small TV at the end of the bed.

Justin looked up from the screen and smiled, "I tell you what, everybody on the forum is talking about the Find a Cure campaign"

Brian was still chewing and looking at the TV thinking he shouldn't be too surprised by that fact, "Well, when you are good as an advertising executive like me, what can you expect...", he rolled his head and looked at Justin and quickly added, "...with my idea of YOUR exquisitely cute face painted all over, does help of course"

Justin laughed and planted a quick peck on Brian's cheek and then looked towards the bedside clock, "hey...it's STILL early...it's only 10'Oclock on a Friday night...you CAN go out you know"

Brian looked at him and shrugged, "I'm fine here..."

Justin watched his reactions carefully, "No...I mean if you want to go out and fuck, it's fine, you have my permission"

Brian was just alittle agitated as he met his eyes, "I don't want to go out and FUCK"

Justin pulled a face and looked back to the screen, then he turned back to him, "What about a drink then?"

Brian blew out a laugh, "What? And bump into Michael? I would sooner fix a myself drink here"

Justin lost the laptop to the floor and puffed up the pillow and rolled on his side facing Brian, "Is he still over at Debbie's?"

Brian really didn't want to talk about this and it was clear in his facial expression and tone, "As far as I am aware of...but given I don't really give a shit if he is or if he isn't, why do YOU wanna know for?"

Justin shrugged his shoulder, "You were evil to him...kicking him out like that"

Brian was seething and looked at Justin, "HE drove me insane with his constant whining over boring Benjamin...fact is, I would of throttled him with my bare hands if he out stayed his welcome for much longer"

"Yeah, but you threw half of his clothes out of the window and onto the walk"

Brian grinned, "I did HIM a favor, didn't I? It sure saved him taking too many trips up and down the stairs"

"But Emmett told me yesterday that Michael is real sad about you and him not talking"

"My Heart bleeds...", Brian tried to change the subject, "...hey, I thought there would be an item on CNN about the campaign, I might have to call them..."

Justin pressed him, "He's your best friend"

Brian closed his eyes then looked at him, "yeah...whatever...look, lets just get an early night, lights out"

Brian grabbed the TV remote and pressed off, Justin pulled the covers over them and then buried his head in Brian's shoulder, "I love you"

In the darkness Brian replied, "I love you too sunshine"

QAF

The Frost was harsh as Justin strolled with Daphne in the park. Both of them were wrapped up warm in the November chill. Daphne was back in town for a couple of days for a family funeral.

"Do you think you have made a mistake by moving back in with him?"

Justin shrugged and looked at her, "Do you think me selfish to wanting to seek comfort in him?"

Daphne watched a couple of dog walkers and shook her head, "no...it's only natural"

Justin became resolute, and summed it up, "he's stopped fucking other guys...he works all day at the agency and then puts in more hours plugging the campaign, but seeing now he's fallen out with Michael, I am worried about him"

Daphne tried to get some understanding into him, "He's JUST afraid Justin...so am I, if I was honest"

Justin felt really bad and clutched her arms through his thick gloves, "I'm sorry...I pour my heart out to you and I don't even bother to ask how you are coping, with not just ME, but the loss of your grandmother"

"She was old...YOU are not...life's cruel...why you? What the fuck is God playing at, huh?"

Justin approached the icy walk and turned, "Brian says there is NO God"

Daphne found her self in agreement, "I think he is right"

Justin shook his head as they approached the cross walk, "a part of me hopes he is wrong...I mean, when I die I would hate to end up falling into the buring fires of hell..."

Daphne smiled as they crossed and headed to get a hot drink from Liberty Diner.

QAF

Jennifer sat in Debbie kitchen at home. Debbie was pouring them both a glass of wine, "So it was good news from the hospital?"

Jennifer nodded from where she sat at the table,"Yeah..Justin called me last night...he said there was no change"

Debbie reached for her hand and squeezed it, "That's great news..."

"It is...I'm at my wits end every-time he goes for a check up, and now that he doesn't actually want me with him, I'm left on tender hooks until he calls"

Debbie sipped her wine, "Does Craig know?"

Jennifer nodded, "yes...we had to tell him in the end, especially with everybody else knowing..."

"And...?"

"Radio silence"

Debbie opened her mouth in sheer disgust, "What?! The son of a bitch!"

Jennifer sighed, "that's Craig"

"I heard from Michael that Justin's moved back in with Brian?"

Jennifer shook her head, "Yes...it just wasn't practical with both of them in a single bed...Brian ended up on the floor half of the time"

Debbie looked about her then lowered her voice because she knew her son was about, "Hey, do you know what's happened between Brian and Michael?"

"I don't know...Justin just said Brian threw him out the loft because he was doing his head in..."

"I dunno...somethings going on and Michael keeps acting all wierd on me and I don't think it's just him and Ben having problems"

Jennifer frowned, "They STILL not talked? It's been weeks"

"Nope...I could bang their two heads together if I thought it would help"

QAF

Later Justin was walking out of Liberty Diner and saw Michael approaching him, but when he saw the blonde he tried to switch direction. Justin called out in the icy dusk.

"Hey Michael, wait up"

Justin hurried over to him at the crosswalk, "Hey...was you just gonna avoid me back there?"

Michael shrugged off a no, "No, I was just...well...I mean..."

"Is this still about Brian? Hey...you guys really need to talk"

Michael shook his head, "Not a good idea...not after him kicking me out"

"He just wants you and Ben back together, he thought he was doing the right thing...he THOUGHT you would run back to Ben"

"I'm at my mothers"

"I know...Emmett told me...look, just TRY and talk to him"

Michael stared at the heavy traffic and then looked at him, "Look...I know you've tried to get us talking in the past and it's worked...but not this time...not after what I did"

"What you did?", puzzled Justin.

Michael shook his head not daring to meet Justin eyes, "Yeah...remember that message you sent to Brian when you had your scan?"

Justin blew out a laugh as he remembered, "the one I sent to somebody else?"

"You didn't..sent it to somebody else, that is...Brian DID get it"

Justin was confused, "So why did he lie?"

Now for the crunch, "He didn't lie...because I deleted it before he saw it...I'm sorry"

Justin could see that Michael was actually ashamed. He couldn't even look at him, "YOU deleted the message?"

"Yes...I'm not proud of myself, you must think I'm a really bad person"

Michael finally took his eyes away from the traffic and dared a glance to Justin, who surprise, surprise, looked enlightened.

"I KNEW I sent it...at least now I know I wasn't losing my mind"

Michael asked what he feared right from the start, "Are YOU gonna tell him? Brian I mean"

Justin shook his head, "No"

"Why not?"

Justin shrugged, "because if I tell him, then the mess that is you and him will never get resolved"

Michael was really taken aback, "YOU must be mad at me, surely?"

"I feel sorry for you...but at the same time, YOU wanted his attention because of you and Ben, I get it...but if YOU want to put this right, YOU need to talk to Ben"

Michael waved hand out, "He won't talk to me"

Justin was insistant, "Then MAKE him...life's too short, and I should know...Michael I KNOW you are not a bad person, and I know how much you love Brian"

Michael knew that the kid was right, but he still didn't understand why he didn't hold a grudge because if it had been the other way around...

"Why are you being like this...too damned nice...I don't deserve it"

Justin finally rested his gloved hand onto Michael's shoulder, "because IF something happens to ME...then YOU have to be there for HIM..."

QAF

After leaving Michael, Justin went home and came into the loft to see Brian at his desk focusing on the screen.

"Hey...you still working from home?"

Brian looked up and watched the lad remove his winter coat and scarf, "yeah...it's more to do with the campaign actually"

Justin frowned as he came over to him, "Oh...?"

"yeah, Lisa called. She says there's not much publicity in New York so, I've just had to make a few calls and pull a few strings...but..."

Brian looped his arm around him as Justin looked at the screen, "But what..."

Brian chuckled, "she...WE...think as YOU are the face of this campaign, you are going to have to do something"

Justin uttered a nervous laugh, "like what...?"

Brian stood up and grabbed them two beers from the refrigerator, he handed Justin his, "You are gonna have to come up with something to do for the charity...a token...an event"

Justin took a swig of his beer and sat on the couch, "you mean like a bicycle ride?"

Brian shook his head as he came to sit next to him, "No, I did that for the cancer...we need you to do something else"

Justin racked his brains and then turned, "I could shave my head"

Brian screwed his face up at him, "What? Jesus, it's gotta be more eye catching than watching somebody shear off Goldielocks...no...I was thinking more of YOU running a marathon"

Justin wasn't so sure about that suggestion, "A marathon? Me? Are you kidding me, I've got MND...and anyway you need to do a lot of preparation and training to do that"

Brian laughed and waved out a hand, "YOU have been running for everyday for I don't know how long! You've had all the training you need"

Justin nodded, "Okay...so WHERE is this marathon to take place? On the burning hot sands of the Sahara? Or on the icy cold snows of the south pole..."

"...well I was thinking of the icy cold snows of Pittsburgh", broke in Brian with amusing chuckle.

Justin shook his head mulling this idea over, then his blue eyes looked back to Brian, "and are YOU to take part in this great run?"

Brian shook his head, "No way...not with these knees"

"huh?"

Brian stood up and rubbed the back of his neck looking down at him, "I have a diagnosis of my own to confess to..."

"Oh yeah...what have you contracted now?", Justin broke in with a hint of suspicion.

Justin screwed his face up, "I don't mean anything like that! I mean...and this is NOTHING in comparison of what you have...but I've got...a touch of arthritis"

Justin looked up at him, "Arthritis? Aren't you a little too young?"

"I'm not THAT young kiddo...I've sort of suspected it...just think, Lindsay used to call me peter pan...more like Peter panned"

Justin chuckled, "Jesus...what a pair we make!"

Brian then flopped to Justin's side and held his face close to his, "You still love this old man?"

Justin closed the gap even more, "just as long as you still love this ailing one"

Brian and Justin's eyes were fixed, "Unquestionably...always and forever..."

OXO


	19. Should we be marking this occasion with any words?

NOVEMBER 2006

At Liberty Diner, Justin came in from the cold. Emmett turned and came over to him, "Hi...look at you all flushed...how's the training?"

Justin collapsed into a seat and looked up at him, "Exhausting...I don't think I can do this"

Emmett sat opposite him and gave an encouraging smile, "Sure you will honey, you just need to believe in yourself...or...you go get yourself a blonde stand in, they do that on TV all the time"

Justin laughed, "Can you imagine if I did just that! Anyway, the Marathon is set for December 20th...right near Christmas"

Debbie brought him over a hot drink, "Well, I can see the whole town being there to cheer you on"

Justin felt a little bit daunted by that thought, "Hey, no pressure...that's made me feel a whole lot better"

Debbie refused to be negative, "You will be fine...trust me"

Emmett nodded in agreement and added, "and just like you, the sunshine will be out spreading the warmth in all our hearts"

Justin frowned, but Debbie was walking back to the counter, "You trying to plug your new book again?"

QAF

At the office, Brian was clearing his desk for the day because he was expecting a guest that would booster the Find a Cure campaign.

Cynthia came in and announced, "You have a visitor"

Brian stood up out of his chair, "great...", then he saw Michael standing behind Cynthia, "...Oh, I was expecting Jon Burnett from KDKA, and now..."

"and now you've got me", interjected Michael.

Brian glanced at his watch and looked across to Cynthia at the filing pile, "Leave that and let me know when Mr. Burnett arrives"

"Of course", she leaves the office and Brian straightens his tie in the mirror and turns to Michael, "So...how have you been?"

Michael manages to a crack a smile, "I'm good...I've moved back in with Ben"

"Congratulations...It's about fucking time"

Michael shrugged, "well, it was Justin that finally made me see the light"

Brian raised his eyebrows at him, "Justin? Wow, that boy is full of surprizes"

"I guess he just told me how it is...that life is too short and all"

Brian sat back at his desk and sighed, "I'm glad that it's all worked out for you"

"It's STILL early days, but...I'm staying positive that we can work things through"

"Good"

Michael licked his lips. He still wondered whether Justin had actually told Brian about the deleted message, but the way Brian was behaving, he came to the conclusion that he hadn't.

"So how are you?"

Brian met his eyes, "How about me?"

"I meant...are you doing okay?"

Brian chuckled as he fiddled with a folder on his desk, "Well, apart from a touch of arthritis, I'm doing just dandy"

Michael pulled a mighty frown, "You've GOT arthritis?!"

Brian shook his head, "No, no...a TOUCH OF arthritis"

Michael nodded, "Okayyyy...and how do you feel about that?"

Brian licked his lips and stood up glancing at his watch again, "Well...if I am honest...if you had asked that same question a year ago I'd be drowning my sorrows with a bottle of Whiskey, wishing back my much missed youth...but now...with all what's gone on with Justin, I'm just think how lucky I am..."

Cynthia popped her head through the office door, "Brian...Mr Burnett has just pulled up right outside"

Brian stood straight and adjusted his tie, "Well, you better excuse me...I have to go wine and dine a news personality"

Michael raised his eyebrows, "THE Mr Burnett?"

Brian grabbed his file and moved to the door as he spoke, "the one and only, Mikey...see you around and keep working on the boring...on Ben"

Michael watched him go and nodded.

QAF

Jennifer stood in the lounge of her house opened mouthed, "A list?"

Justin nodded from where he sat on the couch, "Yeah, it was on the forum, I figured that I'll make one...the twenty things I want to see or do before I die"

Jennifer pulled a face and slowly came to sit next to him dithering, "Oh...well...that's gonna be..."

Justin nodded his head in total agreement, "Yeah...harder than it sounds...I just don't know where to even start"

Jennifer did think of something. She hesitated as she looked at him and then came out with it, "I can make one suggestion, but I don't know how you will feel about it..."

Justin was one step ahead of her and was shaking his head, " I KNOW what you gonna say and it is a big fat NO!"

Jennifer sighed, "But he's your father..."

"I don't care"

Jennifer paused and then shook her head, "Just THINK about it, that's all I ask of you"

Justin stood to grab his rucksack, then turned his head and announced, "Oh...about the marathon...it's scheduled for December 20th"

Jennifer saw him to the front door, "and how do you feel about it...it's NOT to late to back out of, you know"

Justin looked at her, "I'm fine, really I am..."

"Just as long as you are"

Justin stepped out the house, "Well, I've gotta go..I'll call you tomorrow"

Jennifer watched him go and with a final wave she closed the door.

As Justin strolled up the street, his cell rang and he glanced at the screen before putting it to his ear, "Well...this is unexpected..."

"Is it true?"

Callum was calling him from New York.

"Is what true, depends on what you've heard..."

Callum sounded concerned, "I've just seen your face on a billboard...Find a Cure or something..."

Justin shook his head as he stood at the crosswalk and looked both ways, "Oh that...yeah, I have MND"

"Now I know why you behaved the way you did...why couldn't you just TELL me?"

Justin crossed the street, "I have my pride I suppose"

"Is Mr Has-been looking out for you?"

Justin smirked, "If you mean is Brian looking after me...then he's doing his best"

"Look...I'm sorry...about the things I said when we parted that day...it was mean..."

Justin came to stand outside the comic store and paused before going in, "Look...all is forgiven...you don't have to feel bad or sorry or anything...nobody does...it's just how things are...but thanks for calling me, I feel better now that I can draw a line under everything...no hard feelings?"

"None"

And Justin ended the call with some closure.

QAF

Brian was getting himself a drink from the bar, his contact at KDKA was with him, "so did Burnett see you?"

Brian shook his head at Hank, "Sure he did...thanks, I owe you a favor sometime"

"there's no need"

Brian handed him a beer, and took a sip of his own, "So...are you gonna watch him run?"

"Sure...from what I've heard, just about every fag in the Pitts will be out cheering your boy on"

Brian shook his head and looked about them. The nightclub was getting pretty busy. Hank watched him and smiled, "It must be hard for you...you need to look after YOURSELF as well"

"I do okay"

"You need to find ways to unwind...and there's plenty on show here tonight", told Hank eyeing up all the talent, Brian looked about them as Hank continued, "...did I tell you about this hot new twink? His name is Kyle..."

QAF

Justin sat at home and looked at his list of twenty things to see or do before he died. It was still a blank sheet of paper. He mulled ideas around his head and couldn't come up with anything.

He sighed and stood up and headed over to the TV and sat down, maybe he would try again in a little while.

QAF

The club was heaving. The music was loud, the light strobes were blinding and the clubbers were bathed in horny driven sweat. Brian was dancing. He moved his body to the beat and was eyeing up Kyle. So this was Kyle. He was young, dark haired and had a body to die for.

Hank was watching and gradually moved through the crowds of sweaty movers to dance opposite him, "That's HIM...that's Kyle", Hank yelled over the music.

Brian shrugged, "Well, from this distance, he does seem to tick all the boxes"

Hank smile at him, "Justin will never know...you need to relax and loosen up"

Brian took his eyes off the dark twink and looked at Hank, "But that's the thing, Justin WOULD know, because I would tell him...because he's given me his permission to go and fuck other guys..."

Hank laughed, "He's given you a Green card? What the fuck are you waiting for?"

Brian smiled, "I don't need to to that anymore...I love Justin and believe me, I know how he feels everytime I fuck somebody else, because I've been through it when he's done it to me"

Hank frowned, "So...what are you gonna do?"

Brian stopped dancing and glanced at his watch, "I'm going to call a cab and I am going to go home"

"Home? It's like 10 Oclock!", gasped Hank.

Brian was highly amused, "So it is! Call me Mr. Boring", and with a wink he was off.

Hank pulled a face and decided to have a crack at sexy Kyle himself.

QAF

Justin laughed as he watched Queer eye for the straight guy on TV. He turned as he heard the sound of the door sliding across and saw Brian come in and threw his keys to the counter.

"You are home early...? It's like 11"

"Haven't you heard? 11 is the new 3"

Justin sat up, "yes, but, what did I tell you?"

Brian crossed over to the bed and said, "You told me to go out and have a good time...but I soon realized that I could have an even better time if I stayed in, with you"

"What? Joining me in watching trashy TV?"

Brian removed his watch and undid his shirt, "I've also decided that we SHOULD wear our rings"

Justin stood up and padded over to get a glass of water, "Our wedding bands?", he called back.

Brian opened that drawer and retreathed the small box that contained the rings, "Ha-hah"

Justin tried to steady the glass of water, so he put it down on the side unit, "What happened to the Brian Kinney I used to know and love?"

"That's the thing, I'm still the Brian Kinney you know and love, it's just that I've evolved into this older, wiser, smarter individual who you see standing here today"

"I guess we should wear them then, but can I ask you what spurred you on to make this monumental decision?

Brian shrugged, "I just think it's important...that others are aware that we belong to somebody...a symbol more than anything"

They put on their rings.

"Should we be marking this occasion with any words", asked Justin staring at the ring now on his finger.

"I haven't anything profound to say...", said Brian.

"Me neither"

And then Brian gathered up Justin in his arms and kissed him on the lips. Justin wrapped his legs around the older guy so Brian could move him to the bed and dropped him onto the soft mattress.

Tonight, there was no words of love. There was only making love.

XXX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thanks for reading and for the kind comments. And welcome to others who have come to finish reading this story here, that I had been posting elsewhere x


	20. Because HE knows ME more than I know myself.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter.

DECEMBER 2006

Justin Taylor was pounding the cold streets. He had been running the marathon for nearly two long hours. All those weeks of his morning runs had paid preparation for this day.  
He had circled the golden triangle twice and ran through downtown front and back. The icy wind was okay when he had his back to it, but when he ran right into it like he was doing now, his cheeks felt the burning chill.  
His knee caps were red raw with the cold too, and he was starting to flag. His two girls were behind him and had stayed with him from get-go. Both Daphne and Lisa were full of worry and concern for their friend, but they hung on in there ready if Justin needed their support.

Many runners had finished the run, but it was Justin's face on the campaign. It was HIS face that the TV camera's were eager to see and promote the Find a Cure campaign.  
Justin could see and hear the News helicopter up in the dull cloudy skies, no doubt the camera man was giving him a close up.

This was WHY he couldn't give up or give in. He HAD to finish this, even if it took all day.

At the finish line, Jennifer was buried in a warm Parker-coat waiting in both concern and anticipation to see Justin. Molly was in a matching Parker and jumped up and down on the spot to keep warm.  
Debbie sported the biggest, pinkest and fluffiest ear warmers anybody had ever seen. Brian stood beside her with a warm winter coat on. Debbie retrieved her thermos flask and poured hot coffee into it's cup. She drank some and offered the cup to Brian.

"You want some?"  
Brian smirked and shook his head, "I have previsions of my own.....", and he slipped out a hip flask of whiskey and uncapped the lid.  
"Well, I don't mind if I do....", said Debbie.  
And Brian poured a drop of the whiskey into the coffee.

Jennifer turned, "I hope he's okay...so many have already finished...."  
"He'll be okay....", told Debbie full of confidence that would be the case.  
Ted then ran in between them and pointed, "Hey, is that him?", he pointed.  
Brian nodded, "that's my boy!"

Jennifer and Molly jumped up and down and cheered him on, and that was soon followed in unison by everybody else behind the tape.   
Justin could see them. He could see his mother and sister. And there was Brian, and Ted and Debbie and Emmett and other faces he was either friends with or acquainted with at the clubs - all cheering him on, willing him to finish.

Brian stepped forward and opened his coat and as Justin finally crossed the line looking pretty much like he was about to collapse, he fell in to him and Brian closed the coat around him.  
"I've...I've done it....I've done it....", Justin gasped and sobbed and couldn't see much clearly through the tears of joy and relief.  
Jennifer put her hands together and smiled through her tears as Justin turned to see the TV news camera crew heading his way.  
Brian was protective of Justin as he was crowded, "Give him some fucking space...."  
Justin shook his head as a microphone was shoved in his face, "No it's okay...I'm ready for this....", and he was ready to talk.

QAF

Afterwards, it seemed that everybody had decamped to Jennifer's place. The living room and hall were crowded with quests as Jennifer shoved a tray of chicken wings in the oven. The TV was on and Lisa craned her neck around to call Justin, "Hey everybody...Justin's on the news!"  
Jennifer came forward looking at the TV screen, "What channel did he make it on?"  
Daphne was sitting beside Lisa on the couch, "He's on KDKA"  
Justin crossed over from where he was standing in a woolly jumper at the Christmas tree, "Look at me! I look like I need emergency oxygen!"

Daphne shook her head and tapped him, "No way! You look fantastic!"  
Brian, who was now sitting on the arm of the couch, looked from the TV screen to Justin squeezed in between Daphne and Lisa, "That's because he is fantastic"  
Jennifer tilted her head at him, "and I am sure you are not at all biased are you Brian?", she laughed.  
Justin waved his hand towards the TV watching himself being interviewed, "I can't believe how Find a Cure has taken off! They told me that an LA network has picked it up!"

Daphne shook her head, "Well, I'll be checking that out when I get back there!"  
Brian stood up and looked down at them, "Well be sure to let me know...I have a advertising schedule out there in a few weeks. I'm sure with a little persuasion with my client I can stick his face on a few more billboards"  
Jennifer was then jumping in with a big tray in her grasp, "Hey! Anybody for eggnog? there's plenty to go around!"  
At the moment Debbie and Emmett were entering from the cold, "Did I hear the offer of Eggnog...?", sung Emmett.

Jennifer forced the tray in front of him, "Yeah...you sure did, help yourself"  
"Eggnog? We only came for the presents around the tree for us", told Debbie looking at everybody's frowning faces, "....JUST KIDDING", she chuckled.  
Brian stepped nearer and was looking behind Debbie, he then looked at her and frowned, "No Mikey?"  
Debbie shook her head, "No honey...he and Ben have decided to go on a make or break vacation to Honolulu"  
Justin was then standing and holding a cell phone up, "Hey listen!"

All could hear Gus singing Merry Christmas on the small screen. Brian pulled a frown as he took a closer look, "Hey, WHY have those pair of dykes sent it to you and not me?"  
Justin looked at him with a cheeky smile and forced the cell into his hand, "that's because it's YOUR cell...don't worry, I deleted the porn"  
Brian looked at him and smiled as he replayed the video, "Gee thanks"

Jennifer finally sat down and looked at both Daphne and Lisa on the couch, "So Daphne....you home for Christmas?"  
Daphne nodded, "Yeah...big family gathering to remember my grandmother...I don't have to get back to LA until the New Year"  
Jennifer took a sip of eggnog and turned to the other girl on the couch, "what about you Lisa?"

Lisa smiled at her, "I'm just heading for a quiet Christmas with my Mom back in Amityville"  
Brian chuckled as he looked at her, "Fuck Christmas, I bet that place looks GREAT for Hallo'ween"  
Lisa shrugged him off with a haha, I've heard it all before.  
As Daphne got up off the couch, Debbie managed to slump her backside down and looked around, "Hey, where's our TV star disappeared to?"

QAF

In the back yard, Justin was looking up to the cold clear sky. Emmett was then coming out of the rear door and called over as he approached him, "There you are! Hey, come back inside baby, it's like ice out here"  
Justin threw a glance to him, "I was wondering whether it's gonna snow this Christmas....."

Emmett shivered in the 10 below chill, "I don't know about that honey, I was never really good at forecasting the weather...."  
"We had snow storms in New York last year....", he averted his eyes to the ground, "....that all just seems like a long time ago"  
"Are you okay...?"  
Justin forced on a goofy smile and replied, "I suppose I am wondering whether I will be here this time next year..."

Emmett shook that comment off, "....hey, don't think about it, you're just give yourself a complex"  
"I can't help it....I just want to make the most of this one"  
Emmett, who was wearing an over-sized reindeer jumper parted his arms, "Awwwww....come and give your Uncle Emmett a big hug"

Just as Justin gave him a hug, Brian was just stepping out of the door, both of them turned to meet his amused face, "Well, don't get too comfortable there...."  
Emmett laughed it off, "Just keeping him warm"  
Brian approached them, "Yeah? That's great, now fuck off because that is MY job"

Emmett laughed and looked at Justin, "oh God, he's charming, isn't he!"  
Justin watched him go back inside, he then watched Brian shiver next to him, "You missed me in there? I've only been out here for ten minutes"  
Brian removed his long coat and wrapped it around Justin, "hey, put this on"

Justin looked buried in the coat when he put it on.  
"Warm enough?"  
"I am now", Justin grinned.  
Brian rubbed his hands together, "Good! because I am fucking freezing - I'll see you back inside, and don't take to long, it's getting to be like the fucking Brady bunch in there"  
Justin screwed his face up, "the Brady who....?"  
Brian shook his head and darted back inside.

QAF

Jennifer was just stacking the dish washer when Brian came back inside the kitchen. She closed it up and pushed her hair behind her ear, "Hey....you okay?"  
Brian shook his head casually, "yeah...."  
"You sure?"  
He went to the window and peered out to Justin, standing in the cold in the over-sized coat, Jennifer came to stand beside him.

"Do you think he will be here next year?", asked Brian.  
Jennifer shuddered at the very thought of it. It gave her goosebumps, "I try not to think about it, if I do I find myself reaching for the prozac"  
Brian glanced at her briefly and chuckled, "Well, if you do, I might let you leave me a couple this time"  
"You in this for the long haul, huh?"  
Brian looked to the tiled kitchen floor, "to the bitter end"  
Jennifer reached out to him, "I was so very wrong about you...all those years of me thinking you were wrong for him...."

Brian looked at her, "and the much younger and more appropriate likes of Ethan Gold and Callum whateverfuck he was, were RIGHT for him?"  
Jennifer stuttered, "I didn't mean to...."  
Brian shook his head, "I am RIGHT for him...because HE knows ME more than I know myself..."

"Oh?"

Brian smiled, "He saw the long and lost romantic in me...the visage of me that I tried to hide and bury...he knew that I loved him from the very start....more or less...and every-time he brought it up, it got harder and harder for me to force those feeling to the back recesses of my mind, and feed him all the bullshit of how much I despise marriage and everything about it...but he knew...."  
"He always was smart", Jennifer breathed.  
Brian smirked and looked at her, "smart enough to analyze my true feelings...but we won't tell him, I've got my reputation to hold up"  
Jennifer chuckled, "your secret is safe with me"  
Brian nodded.

Jennifer pointed to his hand, "I've noticed you two are wearing your rings...I sincerely hope there was no trip to Vegas or....."  
"It's just a token....that's ALL we need"  
Justin was just coming in through the back door and the air went silent, he laughed nervously, "Hey...were you two just talking about me?"  
Brian tilted his head, "now, would we...?"

"YES!"

Jennifer held her hands up, "then guilty as charged, now I'll see you in there, take a minute both of you and join the party..."  
"I love you Mom"  
Jennifer blew him a kiss and went into the hall.

Brian sighed and looked at him, "So....you ready to go back in?"  
Justin laughed, "Hey, I've got MND...If I can handle that, I'm ready for anything"

Brian smirked at him and pulled him into his arms, looking down at him, "then why don't we just quit the party and head off to Woodies...."

Justin widened his eyes, "Why Mr Kinney, you just read my mind..."  
And both of them slipped out the back door and walked off across the yard just as the light Christmas time snow began to fall.

\------------------------------------------------ THE END------------------------------------------------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it. I hope you enjoyed reading and it's not to of a shitty ending. Anyway, thanks to those who have stuck with it to the end and those of you who had left Kudos and have commented kindly, it all helps to fuel the enthusiasm to write.
> 
> I don't know whether I will write another QAF story, it always depends on the feedback of the previous story whether to write more on a certain gene.
> 
> I am now going to take my BF to New Jersey to meet my parents...I have recently moved back to the states after 9 years working in London, England. My BF is British and has bravely left everything he knows back there to settle here with me, So if I do write, it will not be for a few weeks.
> 
> Again thanks for your time reading. Marc Newman x


End file.
